Your guide to becoming a conservative talk radio host

Conservative talk radio is like professional wrestling: it is about sensationalism not substance. To this end:

Aim to reach the segment of the population that has never heard the term "logical fallacy" and would think it was a liberal plot if they had.

Never made a point that is too complicated to put on a bumper sticker.

Accuse anyone who disagrees with you of attempting to deny your Constitutional right to free speech.

Play and replay sound bites of the most radical statements ever made by any member of a group that you oppose on any subject. Play the braying of a donkey or the crying of a baby in the background.

Describe yourself as world famous or internationally recognized.

Proclaim yourself as the only credible source of information about what’s really going on.

Accuse the media elite of trying to silence you.

Say you can’t accede to pleas that you run for president because you have more power in your present job.

Take personal credit for changes in government policy that agree with your political position.

Regularly repeat such assurances as I’m looking out for you, or I’m your source for fair and balanced information.

Constantly assure your listeners that they constitute an unusually diverse and intelligent audience.

Never debate a rational caller/guest. Talk over him; call him a Kool-Aid drinker, a Looney-Tune, or a nobody; ask him why, if he’s so smart, he doesn’t have his own talk show; say that he is just the kind of America-hater that you are trying to warn people against before it’s too late.

Demand that members of groups you oppose disprove widespread allegations of nudism, atheism, socialism, drug abuse, secular humanism, Communist influence, etc. within their ranks. Ask callers/interviewees if they are personally involved in such activities. Ask why they hate American or Christianity, or if it is true that they are close friends with Jane Fonda.

Refer to the caller/guest as a member of the liberal elite or the leftist fringe. Ask why they won’t come down out of their Ivory Tower and talk to real people about real issues.

Ask atheists why they hate God. Offer to buy vegetarians a steak dinner. Ask animal rights advocates why they love snakes more than children. Ask environmentalists which trees make the best huggers, and why they prefer the starvation of rural families to the harvesting of a renewable resource.

Put the caller/guest on hold, change the subject, go to a break, or replay an irrelevant sound bite when you feel cornered.

Say that anyone who won’t come on your show is obviously a coward.

Remember that a lie will gain credibility if it’s repeated often enough, for example, “Fair and Balanced.”

41 comments:

All Consuming said...

Well said that man! I daren't speak of Conservatives just now, my blood is boiling when I think of how they are going to batter the poor, infirm and old of our country financially now they are in power. GAH!

Kerry said...

Having just come back from a visit to my right-wing, talk-show-listening family I must thank you for this. I try to avoid political discussions with them because they never ever go anywhere. It's pointless! I don't know how a family like mine produced me, a person so politically different and ill-equipped to deal with their rants.

Robin said...

Hello Snow.... I have never commented here....but I must now.

You were kind enough to comment on my blog when I was at a particular low point in my life.... and I WILL NOT FORGET how you could relate to all my pain.

YOU are experiencing so much more pain - physically....and that, for those who have not experienced it, is a huge burden.

But, you have a loving companion....and that is worth so much.....it gives you a reason to LIVE. When one is ALONE...and has been abandoned....it is something different to experience....

We have not communicated a lot....but, I do care about you...and hope you will improve - in all ways - so you can hike and enjoy the outdoors...... I am a hiker too...and after losing the love of my life - and my job - I know being able to get outdoors and smell the air, trees and yes, daybreak and sunset - means so much.

It is not much.....but, I will never forget your compassion towards me.... my hearing has (finally) improved.... still jobless and missing my Ex....but being able to hear is HUGE.....and I know YOU understand.

Hugs, from a new friend,

♥ Robin ♥

The Bipolar Diva said...

Whoops, I think I'll keep quiet on this one. ;)

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

Gee, with a few key word changes there, I think it could apply to LIBERAL radio hosts.

I've never felt more afraid to publicly call myself a conservative.

Putz said...

i really just now have discovered that you are really quite wonderful if those ideas on your latest post are really yours>>>>>i haven't been able to articulate what i meant when my son feels the wilderness should be his for four wheeling and to keep the locals away from him and his enjoyment even if it meant they couldn't get to their jobs that depended on the resources right next to them>>>

kylie said...

i gave up on that kind of radio a long long time ago. it's evil.

Snowbrush said...

All Consuming, do you have such programs in England?

Thank you, Kerry. My family was middle-of-the-road and rarely talked about politics anyway, but I did spend my first 36 years in south Mississippi.

Robin, I will return to your comments later. For now, thank you.

Diva, why on earth didn't you comment? I take it that you disagree, and I would really like to hear your thoughts. I will just say that my primary sources were Lars Larson, Bill O'Reilly, and Sean Hannity, and that every tactic that I mentioned was real.

CreekHiker, you are entirely correct in that liberals are no better--in my limited experience--than conservatives. I focused on the latter simply because so few liberal shows have come along, and the ones that have left the air so fast, that I lack sufficient experience.

Putz, I'm not in the habit of plagiarizing ideas.
I assure you that i have plenty of my own. As to off-road-vehicles, I loathe them with my entire being. No one who I ever knew who had one gave a flip about nature. All that any of them saw in wilderness was a place in which to act crazy without regard for anything or anyone.

Sonia ;) said...

((((HUGS))))

Christy said...

Boy did you hit the nail on the head. There are days I wish I never heard of politics.

ellen abbott said...

It's really scary that in this country there is no such thing as rational discourse. It's all ridicule, insult and innuendo.

Diana said...

That's why I stick to Jazz.
Love Di ♥

Snowbrush said...

Hugs to you too, Sonia. I hope you are feeling better.

Christy, me too. Peggy ignores them completely. She has her world of work, family, button collecting, and the great outdoors, and that's all she knows about or wants to know about.

Ellen, as CreekHiker pointed out, bad behavior is not only a conservative phenomena. I think it might be MORE of a conservative phenomena, but that's a pretty more defense, of course.

Snowbrush said...

Robin: "When one is ALONE...and has been abandoned....it is something different to experience...."

I don't know if I would survive. As it is, I look at my condition and wonder if I would continue on without Peggy and the dogs to consider. I can't say for sure that I wouldn't, of course, but I think it likely. On the other hand, a person never knows how much strength--or, at least, how much resolve--he or she has until challenged.

Robin said: "I know YOU understand.

Oh, heavens, my dear, I only wish I could give you such a gift. The truth of the matter--as I see it--is that no one can fully understand another's pain. I can care though, and I can tell you that your comment damn near made my entire blogging experience worthwhile all by itself. Please stay in touch.

Snowbrush said...

Oh, Diana, you wrote while I was writing, so I missed your comment.

"That's why I stick to Jazz."

I was painting in the garage just now when a NPR program about Thelonious Monk came on. I can but hope you heard it.

I have a neighbor who is an accomplished Jazz musician, and has done a great many books about the guitar. I'm not generally a jazz fan, but, boy oh boy, do I ever love Baroque. I suspect that people who like the one don't generally care for the other. Would that be your experience?

Diana said...

Actually Snow I like most all music, even Baroque! The only music that I don't really care for is Screamo, however I have been in a mood for it at times.
Love Di ♥

Marion said...

Oh, Snow! Now one commenter is referring to liberals and conservatives as "us and them". That's one thing wrong with our country! We are people---individuals, not labels!! I'm conservative and march to the fucking beat of my own fucking drummer. I'm sick and tired of people telling me what I believe just because I'm Republican.

Oh and there is that pesky First Amendment out there which gives us and them the right to free speech.

I try to stay out of political and religion discussions, but some days..... ;-)

Sending you love and hugs. I hope you're feeling better. xoxo

Bernie said...

Snow as long as you are white, speak English and are Christian you are "all American".....:-)Hugs

The Bipolar Diva said...

Snow;

I see your point completely. I won't listen to Lars, I don't like O'Reilly but I do like Sean, I love Rush and can almost tolerate Glenn Beck.
Yes, I am a conservative as you know. I do, however, see the intolerance on both sides and it sickens me.
Maybe I'm more of a libertarian. I believe gun control means being able to destroy what you're aiming at, I believe in right to life except if you're a murderer, sex offender or terrorist. I believe that there are too many social programs that are draining our country.
On the other hand I feel that marijuana should be legalized and taxed and gay marriage doesn't bother me. If you read my other blog you'd see I'm pretty liberal in other areas as well ;)
But back to your point though, I agree with lot of what I read, hear and see from the conservative media. But hey this is America and one of our greatest freedoms is the right to disagree.
I think it shows great character to be able to respectfully disagree and then go have a burger afterward.
You know I love you!

Myrna R. said...

Wow! You stirred up a lot of passion. It's so sad that we have such strong divisions in this country. I tend to think and vote liberal, but I lead a rather conservative life style. So, in some ways I'm a blend of ideas.

I hope the gap that exists between left and right decreases to the extent that we can all work together, accept our differences and honor our common humanity.

I think your post was very well written.

The Blog Fodder said...

Ah, yes. right on the mark as usual, Snowbrush. And I just learned our Prime Minister is trying to force a Fox News North channel into Canada to be involuntarily paid from cable TV fees ie in the basic grouping. Can we please give you Alberta and Albertans?

Snowbrush said...

Diana, I've never even heard of Screamo, but then I'm in the dark about a lot of popular culture.

Bernie said: "as long as you are white, speak English and are Christian you are "all American"....."

So THAT'S my problem. I'm mostly white (1/4 Native American), and speak only English (except for a few hundred words of badly pronounced Spanish), but I'm not a Christian. Darn. Maybe if I wear a cap with "Jesus Saves" on it...

Diva, like you, I'm neither a liberal nor a conservative. As for the issues you raised: I too like my gun. I support abortion except for late-term abortions of normal babies when the mother's life is not at risk. I oppose capital punishment, but only because you can't bring dead people back if you discover they were convicted in error (aside from that, I could execute a few myself). I think some social programs are necessary, but I deeply resent those who are allowed to cheat the system. I disagree that social programs are draining the country though. I think our endless wars are more a threat in that regard. I too favor marijuana legalization, and I support gay marriage. One issue that you didn't mention was illegal immigration. I see it as a serious threat. I also think English should be our official language, and that children born to illegals should themselves be illegals.

P.S. I didn't mention Rush because I can't stand listening to the man long enough to learn much about him. I have pretty much given up on commercial radio anyway, and gone to NPR and books on CD.

Myrna said: "I hope the gap that exists between left and right decreases to the extent that we can all work together"

You are an optimist, and I a pessimist. Either that, or one of us is a realist. I believe that, generally speaking, the only time when people who seriously dislike one another work together is when they are faced with a threat that they agree could destroy them both. When the threat has been dealt with, they go back to fighting one another.

Snowbrush said...

Blog Fodder, for a second time today, I was writing when a comment came in, so it appeared that I had overlooked it.

Yes, we will take Alberta, only give us some time to decide where to put it. On top of Texas maybe (except for Austin)....Well, come to think of it, Texas might not be big enough, so we'll just put whatever is left on top of the rest of the South. No, that won't do either because there are SOME awfully nice people down there, and then there are the plants and animals too. Then again, those Rockies sure are pretty except for all the mummified climbers lying around. They just found two down here in Oregon (on Mt. Hood), but they were only a year dead as opposed to 21 years dead.

Ruahines said...

Kia ora Snowbrush,
Enjoyed your post very much. Here in NZ we have been slightly behind the times with talk back, but in the past few years seem to be rapidly making up for lost time. More's the pity. I am leaning to carry a selection of good cd's in the car and tune all the crap out. Kia kaha.
Cheers,
Robb

Natalie said...

My stomach is in horrible knots. Not because of your post, but because I find I want to fix it for us all - no matter what country we find ourselves in. Politicians frighten me almost as much as 4wdrivers who are so ignorant they frighten the bejeezus out of me.

kylie said...

snow, i know my comment didnt allow for much discussion but you didnt say hello :)

CambridgeLady said...

When I listened to these programmes in the USA I actually thought for a long time that they were intended to be comedy. Then my friend informed me they were for real. We have talk show radio in the UK but it's nowhere near as extreme or completely mental.

Gaston Studio said...

Boy, did you ever hit the nail on its proverbial head Snow. Well done!

Simone said...

Why even listen, they are all just blowing smoke up your butt...

My son gets a kick out of this guy (not sure of his name) that makes outrageous statements, and when people call in upset, he just keeps pushing their buttons...it is funny if you realize what he is doing, however, the same goes for the rest, they just push buttons. That is how they get ratings...let it go. Or, just laugh it off.
Simone

Kay Dennison said...

You forgot one: ALWAYS quote out of context.

I can't watch or listen to Faux News. It's bad for my blood pressure and my soul. It's based on a W.C. Fields quote: If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, dazzle them with bullsh*t.

These people purport to be Christians but I see little in their demeanor and words that support that. (or were the my grade school nuns wrong?)

Keep up the good fight!

The Tusk said...

I worked for O'reilly "The Factor" and Hannity and Colmes for 6 Month's, during the Primaries, also for Imus in The Morning prior to his move to Fox during the same period. What did I learn....


Ahhhh......


I learned that it was Ok, that I left the show.

I also worked a Christmas Concert for Glen Beck. The man can Cry, with real tears (of course that can be debatable, he is somewhat of an entertainer I hear).

What did I learn.....


Ahhhhh.....

I hadn't heard about the two hikers that were found, I've skied Mt Hood, when my best friend was married 15 years ago. I also hear about them going missing and the Helicopter being called off after an exhaustive search, inclement weather. Were these the remaining hikers where the one man with his dog were found in a cave, his dog having kept him warm enough to survive?

When you are rescued don't you have to pay for the rescue, Do the return of the bodies incur expenses. It sure seems like this should be a Community relief effort paid for by the taxpayers of the Mt Hood recreational Fund. I don't think the investors of Mt Hood are suffering any. I know it was a WPA project that put the Timberline Lodge on the map. Why aren't we building infrastructure, what the fuck is wrong with this country and middle America's ability to say What the Fuck, give us some jobs. Pleas forgive my use of the For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge word, but what the Fuck, there has to be jobs out there for people wanting to buy American Infrastructure, and when are we going to put every Mail truck, Jeep and Local vehicle on Sunpower-Electric. Don't tell me we don't have the plants built yet, we close them down every other month. Retrofit them with Electric technologies. What the f, are you telling me we don't have the technology yet, I have been to the conventions telling me who is going to make it next, but I don't here anyone saying we will have that in 6 months or even we are ready to do that in 6 months. Nope not one WPA plan... Keep talking about pulling out of the war, and we are creating jobs, I'm sorry what have I learned about where the jobs are coming from...

Ahhhh.....


I use to work for the factor, now I just work, and what lovely weather were having for US Open Tennis, but look out for the storm coming Friday.

ellen abbott said...

I didn't mention liberal or conservative because I know it's across the board.

However...

Cutting the social programs is always the answer for conservatives. Let's get rid of the safety net for our most vulnerable citizens especially in the middle of this depression. Truly, I don't understand the lack of compassion. Yes, some people scam the system but far more money is scammed from acquisitions and non-social programs. What about the CEOs who failed at their jobs and still got their millions in bonuses thanks to the government. How about we crank down the war machine or stop spending billions to undermine other countries governments or stop spending billions of dollars on the failed 'war on drugs'. How about we let the people who have more money than they can spend in their lifetimes pay higher taxes because they will still have more money than they can spend. Let's stop crushing the middle class with policies that favor big business and the ultra rich and then maybe we won't need those social programs. And before the legislators do away with the social programs, let them do away with their own special perks. Let them suffer with the health care system the rest of us have, let them give up their stupidly ridiculous over the top retirement package. I'd much rather pay for a social program than a legislator's retirement.

And how about this guy, a staunch republican who gets full disability from the government (he is physically and mentally healthy and there is no reason why he couldn't or shouldn't work) and social security and has his little deals on the side. I'd like to stop paying to support him.

rhymeswithplague said...

What an interesting group of comments and responses!

I don't know what it is about your blog, but Putz does something when he comes here that he doesn't do anywhere else, and that is spell correctly. Carolina in Nederland wrote just today that she thinks he types with his fists.

I do hope you were referring to li'l ol' me in your remarks about Southerners....

Laughter is the best medicine.

Robin said...

Snow, dear Man.....I DO understand.....and although you probably DON't think I do.....yet, I do.

Let's stay in touch....life is too short, my friend....and no matter what our differences, I am a devout HIKER....big time....so I KNOW what your illness has cost you.....

Stay close, friend...

Hugs,

♥ Robin ♥

Marion said...

What a super post! I love reading the comments and responses you have here, Snow. I, too, thought some of the shows and commentators you mentioned were comedy, until an American friend told me differently. I was quite astonished.

The Bipolar Diva said...

On the immigration front it's a serious threat in my opinion. I have many friends in Homeland Security, all of Mexican heritage, and they are livid at the lack of effort on our part to stem the problem. Many of my friends work on the Mexican-American border. You wouldn't believe the stories they tell.
They deal with it on a daily basis and see things that most of us will never see. It's my opinion that if you want to come over here do it legally! I also don't think I should have to press one for English.
I formed my opinion on the social program issue after being a foster parent for years. The scams I've seen are ridiculous and appalling. I do think that some social programs are much needed but I think the scales are tipped. I believe that if given a chance the American people are resourceful and can do whatever they choose to do.
I also feel that those that call conservatives heartless need to take a look at their own intolerance.

Snowbrush said...

I can't believe how many comments this post has elicited in such a short time. I'm already too far behind to address every comment, so I'll just stick to the ones that seem to call for a response, but please know that I read them all carefully.

Ruahines said: "Here in NZ we have been slightly behind the times with talk back"

Thanks for letting me know that it's not just an American problem. Of course, you would call it talk back rather than talk radio--the term does ring a bell.

Natalie said: "I want to fix it for us all - no matter what country we find ourselves in."

Could you work faster, perhaps? I sometimes read on a blog about how the world is getting better all the time, and such a sentiment always makes me wince as I can't imagine how anyone could think it. To me, advancements and losses always go together. Sometimes, one might get a little ahead of another, and I ever fear that the losses will take off and leave the advancements way behind, so my overall assessment of the future is rather bleak. I will say, though, that if I had been born 20 years earlier that I would almost certainly have died from sleep apnea, so I can name at least one advancement that has kept me alive.

Kay said: "You forgot one: ALWAYS quote out of context."

You're right. I'll add it in soon.

Tusk, I don't actually know what the policy is on paying for rescues. I just know that when they send a helicopter ambulance to take you to the hospital, you're expected to pay for it just as you're expected to pay for a regular ambulance. I also know that a great many search and rescue people are volunteers, who don't charge, but which do accept donations to pay for expenses and equipment.

Ellen said: "Cutting the social programs is always the answer for conservatives."

Liberals think conservatives are heartless; conservatives think liberals disavow personal responsibility. I suspect that such charges are only true of those who are the most vocal, and the most vocal are typically the extremists. Of course, I don't identify as either a liberal or a conservative, so I'm not comfortable in either camp, but especially among conservatives because they are so often pro-religion, anti-intellectual, and anti-atheist. Certainly this isn't always the case, but it has been with those whom I have known personally.

Rhymes said: "Putz does something when he comes here that he doesn't do anywhere else, and that is spell correctly."

Michael Jackson wore one white glove, Putz misspells. When you aspire to be a legend in your own time, you need a mark of distinction. However, when he did it here, I went to Utah and slapped him around, so he stopped it. You might try that. A ticket from Atlanta to Salt Lake should be fairly cheap.

Robin said: "I am a devout HIKER....big time....so I KNOW what your illness has cost you....."

People who suffer, whether from rape, war, addiction, chronic pain, or another problem, ARE the only ones who even might understand what another is going through. Not exactly maybe, but close enough to avoid dismissal or judgment. Thank you, dear, for your understanding. It helps.

Marion said: "I, too, thought some of the shows and commentators you mentioned were comedy, until an American friend told me differently."

Did you ever hear Phil Hendrie's show? It WAS comedy, but he pretended to interview real people about real issues. I LOVED that show.

Joe Todd said...

Love it Snow keep up the good work. If you really want to know the truth http://www.theblaze.com/
LOL

Robin said...

Snow, thank you for you astute and heartfelt comments.....

Funny how life brings people together....glad we have met! Don't give up....you really have a lot going for you.....and you can go forward and have a good (yes, really)...LIFE!

Stay in touch, ok?

Your hiking and...Opera-loving Friend,

♥ Robin ♥

Mim said...

Snow - I too listen to books on tape - almost exclusively. Can't stand either side of the talk radio fools. How can people think that they - and they only - know the "TRUTH". Makes me sick.
I'm glad you've met Robin - she's a sweetheart.

nollyposh said...

True and that's why i am choosey about the radio stations and tv programming i choose to be brainwashed by x