If I told you I was an atheistic, socialistic, dog-buggering tofu-eater


 ...would you lose all respect for me as a patriotic, militaristic, freedom-loving American, or would you say, "Hail, brother, take my hand"? If you would lose all respect for me as a patriotic, militaristic, freedom-loving American, which of my sins would you say bothered you most?

P.S. I've yet to bugger my first dog because I'm afraid I would be the first human to contract some doggie venereal disease, and that my name and face would be all over TV.

P.P.S. The butterfly in the photo was dead, and Bonnie was not happy about being told to STAY.

P.P.S.S. The following study inspired this post. Other studies put us atheists down there with pedophiles in regard to the respect we get from the average American. You'll note that this study also included Canadians. Thanks a lot, Canada.

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/religion/story/2011-12-10/religion-atheism/51777612/1

15 comments:

Stephen Hayes said...

I can handle most anything, but tofu eaters have no business in polite society. Sorry, but I can't follow you anymore. Just kidding.

Snowbrush said...

"I can handle most anything, but tofu eaters have no business in polite society."

I understand, Stephen. There are people who will eat dead, brutalized, anti-biotic stuffed animals that are barely cooked and think it's a feast, but you put bean curd in front of them, and they look at you like you're trying to poison them.

lotta joy said...



The preacher genuflected in church last week and your wallet fell out of his pocket.

The organist missed a few notes during the hymn because the choir leader flashed him during the chorus.

When asked "Do you know where Jesus came from?", the 8 year old lifted her skirt and did an impromptu 'show and tell'.

My stereo was missing when I returned to my car.

But if anyone discovers I'm an atheist, I'll be run out of church because I'm a bad influence.

And, according to the link you provided, I'm less trustworthy than a rapist.

The Elephant's Child said...

Poor Bonnie. While my partner refers to tofu as bean turd, I am quite fond of it. Having notched up at least two of your four no wonder parent's drag their children out of my way as I lurch up the street.

PhilipH said...

That article simply shows how gormless the writer is.
The list from which one could choose was too short and did not include child-abusing Catholic priests!

Elpoo said...

I am all those things, except for the dog bugger-er. I am also Canadian.

I am a vegan tree hugging, socialistic, animal lovin', tofu-eatin', breakfast enthusiast.

And I am proud.

But sorry about the Canadian part. We really are a bother.

Chartreuse said...

Wouldn't a lot of your countrymen just say you must be related to Obama? And you probably weren't born in the USA either!

Marion said...

That is just sad. And here I thought tolerance was the order of the day. Whatever happened to 'love your neighbor as yourself'? I love you, Snow, no matter what label you stick on your hiney. LOL! xo

Charles Gramlich said...

Bean curd! Even the words sound obscene. :)

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

Thanks for the giggle! I needed that!

Marion said...

Poor puppies...I think if you were a dog buggerer I would have to say farewell. I don't want to think about what trauma that must do to the dog, whose only need is to love that human, so I'm glad the fear of dog diseases put you off, snow, hahahaha!

Love the look in Bonnie's eyes...she's really not pleased!! haha xx

Strayer said...


Donald Trump is such an amazing spokeperson for the American way and the true American patriot. I'm sorry you cannot live up to such an esteemed ideal.

Kidding!

Strayer said...

Besides the monster style confinement of animals, in cages, pens or miles long and wide hock deep manure fields, for fattening, then the gruesome brutal slaughter, I find the idea of ripping body parts off roasted corpses to chew and swallow, not far from tawdry low budget horror film production. I'll take bean curd any day over corpses.

Murr Brewster said...

But what about bacon?

All Consuming said...

"I understand, Stephen. There are people who will eat dead, brutalized, anti-biotic stuffed animals that are barely cooked and think it's a feast, but you put bean curd in front of them, and they look at you like you're trying to poison them." - Absolutely. Dog buggering and tofu eating being together in the same list of things that offend folks. I'd lose faith in mankind if I hadn't already.