Peggy went to bed before I did last night because she had a migraine, so I put the dogs out to go potty just before I went to bed. I forgot to let them back in because I’m not used to letting them out, and they froze to death. Of course, I didn’t know this because I was asleep. Anyway, Peggy got up first—having gone to bed first—and couldn’t find the dogs. After she had looked all over the house, it finally occurred to her to look outside, and there they were, two little pupsicles, right by the front door. Since I could hardly bring them back to life anyway, and since I certainly don’t believe in the “power of prayer,” she could have let me sleep, but, no, not Peggy. She was upset, so, by god, she wanted me to be upset too. Putting that aside, I tried to comfort her in my usual compassionate manner by pointing out that they were old and sickly anyway, so their deaths probably saved us a lot of vet bills and carpet cleanings, but that just seemed to make her madder. I’m really tired of Peggy getting pissed-off over every little thing. To hear her tell it, she never makes mistakes. Yeah, right, when she’s asleep.
That was our second fight this week. The first occurred when she found out that I had invited my EOAWSGI group (Embittered Old Atheists Who Spit on God and Innocence) over to smoke dope and watch porn the same night that her VYCWEEEV group (Voluptuous Young Christians Who Eschew Evil and Embrace Virtue) was supposed to come over to bake brownies and look at pictures of a church they built in Haiti last summer so that all those starving people would have a place to pray for food.
I suggested that we bake the brownies with the dope inside and then watch the porn together, but she said that my idea was asinine because my atheist friends are all foul-mouth jerks who only want to make god-fearing Christians look stupid. She then said that my friends are all idiots, just like me; to which I replied that it takes one to know one and that all her friends are all idiots twice over, just like her. Things went downhill from there. I don’t know why Peggy can’t treat me the way she did when we had our first date in 1971. When you get married, you don’t expect your spouse to go all to hell this way.
LMAO! You just made my entire week. I hope the dogs aren't really dead, though. Snow, you rock! xoxo
ReplyDeleteLove it. thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteGeez, she certainly is unreasonable.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh Snow I can't help but laugh, you have a weird sense of humor......I know you would be heart broken over the dogs....Hugs
ReplyDeleteAh Snow.... several months ago, I might have "fallen" for this...but now, I "know" you well enough to chuckle at your wit!
ReplyDeletePeggy is an amazing woman!!!!!!
And you know, you are pretty amazing as well!
I love the doggy photo....they both are looking very LOVED!
Big Hugs to all of you!
♥ Robin ♥
You guys sound like a normal married couple. Wonder if pupsicles on a stick would have any market potential?
ReplyDeleteLOL I would love to hear Peggy's side but it doesn't seem as if she has a sense of humor.
ReplyDeleteFunny how what one thought of as endearing in dating days turns into a pain in the culo after a couple decades.
First, the use of the word Culo in replacement for the word Ass, is just to cute. I've heard coolie and heinie but Culo is a lexicographers dream usage.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, Peggy does so have a sense of Humor, I would imagine she was born Margaret, I think thats how it goes, Peggy is foreshortened in the Irish Catholic sense. Although on the aside from other descriptions we have heard of Peggy, I'm not all that sure she is Irish Catholic.
Thirdly,
It was a very funny post, and it is so lovely to be blog hopping with Robin, I find her in the most wonderful places and the most wonderful replies and comments.
Fourthly, and this one I need to hear back from Snow and I know I shouldn't go there because this was such a lovely post. but... and my English teacher told me never to start a sentence with But...
you see the continuity from Firstly, Ok cheap joke. But, I'm listening to a comedian who seems to not partake in the Atheist movement and he states Non Atheists have killed 52 million in the post modern era, Atheists 300 Million, Could this be right Snow?
Just asking, it has nothing to do with this blog in nay way.
A man marries thinking his wife will never change, but she does. A woman marries thinking her husband will change, but he doesn't.
ReplyDeleteWas the migraine real?
ReplyDeleteOh dear. Dead frozen doggies. How sad and awful. Maybe Peggy will stick you outside tonight???(teehee)
ReplyDeleteSounds like Peggy is finally getting a clue. Love Di ♥
ReplyDeleteIf I had read this a long time ago, I would have believed you and I would be standing beside your bed in the middle of the night and you'd never know what happened. Of course, the gun fire might have upset Peggy, but it sounds like she's done with you anyway.
ReplyDeleteIf the EOAWSG accepts old broads, you would be more than welcome at my place, as long as I get to smoke some of the brownie ingredients.
As Joe just finished saying, any one who loves their fur-children as much as you do, can't be all bad.
p.s. Don't get divorced. She'd never allow you visitation rights with the pupsickles.
Snow... you really need a disclaimer about the pups. I'm wondering, did they hold a grudge???
ReplyDeleteYou're a riot!
Sounds like a match made in heaven :)
ReplyDeleteAm I too old to join VYCWEEEV? Just wondering through my snickers......
ReplyDeleteThe Tusk said: "Non Atheists have killed 52 million in the post modern era, Atheists 300 Million, Could this be right Snow?"
ReplyDeleteI very much doubt that even one person was ever killed in the name of atheism. Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have, of course, slaughtered tens of millions if not hundreds of millions,
AAARRRRGHHH!
ReplyDeleteYou naughty man you, teasing us all like that. But anyone who knows you Snow, knows you'd never forget the precious dogs.
ReplyDeletethank you for clarifying, I didn't want you to fall to far fromm your soap box, less you loose your center. remember snow clay is the way. stay centered.
ReplyDeleteI think my daschund has the same red sweater
happy holidays. might we see a family posing for an atheist greeting card dogs inclusive with your lovely wife who has lived the life of a saint, to be a former nurse and then retire with your clumsiness.
Hilarious! After I figured out the dogs weren't really pupsicles. (Really great play on words, Snow, I love it!)
ReplyDeleteI think Peggy must be a saint. Heh, heh.
Super post...thanks so much!
Snow, Tusk didn't say "in the name of atheism"...he said "Atheists [have killed] 300 million."
ReplyDeleteHow do you classify Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, etc. (and please don't tell me thatStalin was Christian and that Hitler was Jewish)?
The phrase "godless, atheistic, Communism" comes to mind. We all know that Communists never miss Sunday School.
Oh my, I wonder if men also go crazy that way, as then I am definitely NOT getting married.;) I will just have first dates all my life.;))
ReplyDeleteGreetings from a very cold and snowy Denmark.;)
xoxo
Rhymes said: "Snow, Tusk didn't say "in the name of atheism"...he said "Atheists [have killed] 300 million."
ReplyDeleteIf, instead of atheists, the comedian in question had said that white guys have killed ___million people, he would have been implying a causative relationship that isn't in evidence, and so it is with his use of the word atheists. No doubt people who are atheists have killed a lot of people, but they never professed to do so in the service of atheism.
i dont know how you put up with that most *unreasonable woman*
ReplyDeleteWhen we get married we do it with the good and the bad and sometimes more bad than good just ask Peggy (kidding!!!)
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't call letting the dogs freeze to death a little thing but there are others that are worst, you could have let Peggy outside, that would have been bad!
I think that your EOAWSGI group is more fun than hers anyway.
I just want everyone to know that I'm really glad you enjoyed this. When I write things that I find funny, I never know if other people will find them funny too, or if they'll just think I'm seriously disturbed--both outcomes have occurred.
ReplyDeleteLol! Spouse ranting must be in the air X:-/
ReplyDeleteYou are personally responsible for hot tea coming out my nose. I hope you're happy.
ReplyDelete