tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post7690416378148778203..comments2024-03-27T12:58:00.592-07:00Comments on Snowbrush: We Form a Group MarriageSnowbrushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00436087215476479042noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-39897799331325207132022-02-04T16:21:18.896-08:002022-02-04T16:21:18.896-08:00Typical MAN: my sarcastic post zoomed right over ...Typical MAN: my sarcastic post zoomed right over your old snowy head. š LIGHTEN UP, FRANCIS! I was involved in three ā3-waysā in the 1970ās. Not my first choice of lifestyle, but hey, it WAS the swinging 70ās, I was young, innocent, naive & curious. All relationships are complex. All three of we triumvirates wanted to be Caesar. My husband (each time) eventually became quite jealous and the other guys (different years) wanted me to divorce my hubby and marry them. My long legsā¦ š<br /><br />One guy claimed he was gay, but I guess I cured him. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Bro, he was SOOOO not gay! š„µš„µš„µ Sorry, but I loved him dearlyā¦he was my soulmate as we were twin souls born on the same dayā¦he died of AIDS in the early 90ās after getting into some bad drug habits. Iām not nearly the person you think I am. <br /><br />Iāve lived 2 dozen or more crazy, different, funny, scary, adventurous, joyful, dangerous, happy, horrifying lives since I was 5 years old. My Daddy (born in 1894) roused my 2 sisters and me out of bed in the late 1950ās to rush to City Hall in South Louisiana where āOld Sparkyā, the electric chair from Angola Prison was being exhibited in back of an 18-wheeler. We took turns sitting in it. Thereās a cute, girlie memory! I was 4 or 5 years old. Iāll stop on that high note. OH, WAIT! I have NEWS:<br /><br />I have FOUR week-old kittens, born here from a stray we took in. They are adorable! Iāll post some pictures when their eyes open. Now thatās another story, the quadruplets births! OY! š¤Æ Take a happy pill before you reply, old fart. ššāā¬ššāā¬š xo <br /><br />Marionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14786883679294446945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-59455977987284438022022-01-22T07:25:21.835-08:002022-01-22T07:25:21.835-08:00Life is meant to be lived and you sure do that. Go...Life is meant to be lived and you sure do that. Good for you, Peggy and Ellen.Joe Toddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07960458164425338569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-72058338695163321642022-01-16T15:24:01.303-08:002022-01-16T15:24:01.303-08:00"You write well and tell one hell of a good s..."You write well and tell one hell of a good story here"<br /><br />Thank you. I was excited to see that you had visited, having known of your existence for quite a while from other blogs. Upon hearing from you, I read and enjoyed several of your posts and will visit your blog again soon.<br /><br />"I can honestly say that thereās one too many people in ANY 3-way āmarriageā as your narrative so clearly illustrates."<br /><br />A single example of a failed group marriage "clearly illustrates" that no group marriage can succeed!? Are you familiar with the logical fallacy of attempting to prove something based upon a single instance of anecdotal evidence? How about begging the question, that is basing an argument upon the assumed truth of the very thing that you're trying to prove?Ā Then there's your failure to consider any explanation for Speedwell's demise other than the one you're invested in believing. Finally, as stated, the same "logic" that you apply to a three-way marriage would be equally applicable to a two-way marriage:<br /><br />Snowbrush was in a three-way marriage.<br />Snowbrush's three-way marriage failed.<br />Therefore, "ANY" three-way marriage will fail.<br /><br />Marion was in a two-way marriage.<br />Marion's two-way marriage failed.<br />Therefore, "ANY" two-way marriage will fail.<br /><br />Generally speaking, my problem with your positions isn't that you disagree with me but that your arguments are petty, snarky, venomous, illogical, mocking, and devoid of subtlety and nuance. As I understand you, complexity simply doesn't exist in your world, the result being that your arguments could fit on a bumper sticker.<br /><br />"I don't know how 'coming first' stays out of a group-ish relationship where intimacy is expected in one form or another."<br /><br />I can but say that Speedwell's problems didn't arise from the fact that there were three of us, but rather from interpersonal problems between Ellen and me; from our failure to deal with those problems constructively; and from me blaming her because I agreed to move to a place that I didn't want to live. Things got so bad that everything we did was in the direction of destructiveness. Given who we were, I believe we were doomed from the outset, partly because I lost sexual desire for Ellen early on, and partly because we were so enamored of the idea of group marriage that our self-image became more tied to it than to the inner workings of our relationship. The polyfidelity community was watching us, and we (Ellen and I anyway--Peggy being much more private than we) very much liked the attention as well as the idea that we were on "the cutting edge of a bold new social experiment." Finally, proponents of group marriage argue that by providingĀ other voices to a disagreement, it becomes harder for two people to come to an impasse. For instance, I often find that Peggy and I disagree about what one of us said or didn't said, this being a situation that additional people might be able to clarify.Snowbrushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00436087215476479042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-38604230674444178912022-01-15T12:33:15.290-08:002022-01-15T12:33:15.290-08:00Hi Snow,
My overriding thought is threesomes are a...Hi Snow,<br />My overriding thought is threesomes are always complicated. Attentional needs, compatibility, favoritism, lifestyles, communication styles--all of this is complicated enough in just about every relationship I've ever had. Heck, JB and I have developed a precious friendship with two great women who live across the street and sometimes I find myself jealous of another couple they also count as friends. My feeling is akin to a 7th grader vying to come first. I don't know how 'coming first' stays out of a group-ish relationship where intimacy is expected in one form or another.<br /><br />All this said, this was a very enjoyable read and confirms for me that you and Peggy are a good match.<br />Love to you, snow<br />kj<br />kjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15122196887043345981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-55786700431032612022022-01-15T11:00:51.777-08:002022-01-15T11:00:51.777-08:00Speaking from the 1970ās perspective, I can honest...Speaking from the 1970ās perspective, I can honestly say that thereās one too many people in ANY 3-way āmarriageā as your narrative so clearly illustrates. xoMarionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14786883679294446945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-4184419625228030232022-01-10T23:22:40.979-08:002022-01-10T23:22:40.979-08:00You write well and tell one hell of a good story h...You write well and tell one hell of a good story here. I personally think the courage you have was (is) on display every day you walk your own path. Obviously you found one that was good for you and you walked it that is your courage, not "coming out or whatever."the walking manhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10058913927297370740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-81483662470297616142022-01-09T12:03:20.473-08:002022-01-09T12:03:20.473-08:00"...I finally had enough of the double standa..."...I finally had enough of the double standard."<br /><br />Such experiences didn't happen for Peggy, perhaps because you are more outspoken than she. It appears that, in most relationships, the woman is more open and emotionally present than the man, but the opposite is true in our relationship. At its worst, trying to know what Peggy is feeling or thinking is like trying to open a can without a can opener. I have an enormous need to know what's happening inside her head, but I know that if I persist in asking questions so that I can understand, she'll get mad, and things will go downhill from there. Putting all that aside, Peggy was cordial to the women that I had sex with if she met them, but since most of them were little--if anything--more than one-night stands (or even one hour stands) she never met them. Of the women she did meet, she was capable of friendship and of antipathy, depending upon the woman. She would especially become incensed if she thought a woman was trying to compete with her for my affection. Of all those women that I had sex with, only one is still in our lives, she and her husband (who she married after breaking up with me) having become our good friends. Nothing that happened between us back then is never mentioned.<br /><br />"I once knew a man who I felt so loved by, I knew that his desire for my happiness would have allowed me to have other partners..."<br /><br />What a sweet and beautiful memory, and how wonderfully you expressed it. If you would enjoy sharing more, perhaps you could post about it, or else write about it here, or even email me about it--I guess you still have my email. Then again, maybe it would bring up too much pain to look down a road that seemed so promising but was never fully explored. <br /><br />"I think it would be a very rare thing to have a group of people who had the skills and confidence to maintain such a relationship. It must have been an experience!"<br /><br />Oh, but Kylie, it was as though I wanted to fly like an Olympic pole vaulter, but only had one leg with which to propel myself into the air. Snowbrushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00436087215476479042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-48172836172949494452022-01-09T12:02:59.191-08:002022-01-09T12:02:59.191-08:00"Who is Vicki?"
I wrote this post in Ap..."Who is Vicki?"<br /><br />I wrote this post in Apple Pages, and when I was done, I went to "find and replace" to change her real name to a fictitious name. In responding to comments, I obviously screwed up. While I have no reason to think that she--or anyone she knows--will ever read this, I don't know but what the memory might cause her pain if she should somehow come across it, so I decided to show her the respect of changing her name. I also wrote less specifically about some things than I would have preferred, and I didn't share our wedding photos. <br /><br /> "...my first husband wanted an open marriage but what he really meant was he wanted an open marriage for himself, not me."<br /><br />When I proposed an open relationship, Peggy predicted that I would change my mind the first time that she had sex with another man, which she soon did. To her surprise I was okay with it. As things turned out, it wasn't our open relationship per se that caused us difficulty; it was situations in which my feelings for another woman--or her feelings for me--became unequal. For instance, two of the women who I had relationships with imagined (I hadn't meant to deceive them) that Peggy and I were only in an open relationship because our marriage was falling apart. Because they believed this, they felt good about trying to "win" me for themselves. The hurt that they experienced when they realized that I was unwilling to leave Peggy was considerable, but it wasn't always the woman who was hurt. For example, one woman had only wanted us to be "fuck buddies," so when she realized that my feelings for her had gone beyond that, she dumped me instantly and graciouslessly . On another occasion, when a woman came to realize that I would never leave Peggy for her, she proposed that we be friends but not lovers, but I was too hurt for it.<br /><br />In Peggy's case, Walt was the only other person to whom she was at all committed, and when she told him that she didn't want to be in a group marriage with him, he felt devastated. Perhaps this was what led him to end his friendship with me. I say "perhaps" because he never gave a reason. He instead said that he was unwilling to talk to me.<br /><br />cont.Snowbrushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00436087215476479042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-8454362413412816122022-01-08T12:00:41.981-08:002022-01-08T12:00:41.981-08:00"I assume you kept your finances separate esp..."I assume you kept your finances separate especially for tax reasons."<br /><br />Ellen had no money because she was using her retirement savings to finance her schooling. Peggy and I had money because we were in our upper thirties by then and had made saving a priority. However, we never added Ellen's name to any of our accounts simply because it was money that Peggy and I had earned prior to her entering our lives. In our minds, this meant that she had no claim to it, and that giving her access would have represented a gift (I seem to recall her thinking otherwise, although she never made an issue of the matter) that we weren't prepared to offer. As for money that was earned after the three of us came together, that was, of course, shared although there wasn't much of it to share because Peggy was the only person who was bringing in a paycheck.<br /><br />"My relatively traditional marriage must look boring."<br /><br />If yours is, then mine is too because Peggy and I have been monogamous for upwards of twenty years now.<br /><br />"I grew up in a household in which my father had all the power since he earned the money and my mom was miserable."<br /><br />Your father's belief that your mother's work of providing hands-on care for her family's needs was essentially worthless brings up images of centuries of men putting their wives on an allowance and complaining that they spent too much on flour and darning needles.<br /><br />"I vowed never to be in such a situation and made sure I could support myself."<br /><br />I'll say a little more about how Peggy and I handle money. For starters, neither of us is expected to account to the other for how much we spend or what we spend it on. This is easy because we are both frugal; because we would both prefer to be tortured and killed than to take unfair advantage of the other; and because we both trust that the other won't do something ridiculous (like gamble) or extravagant (like fly first class or eat at expensive restaurants). I have no personal indulgences beyond the occasional $4.00 potted plant or $3.50 used book (I don't count my clothing, which I buy used at a charity-run thrift store--as does Peggy). Peggy, I'm sure, spends hundreds or perhaps thousands of dollars a year traveling to clothing button collectors' conventions and visiting her father and sisters, but we both regard these trips as essential spending in that she would feel spiritually impoverished without them. As for just how much she spends, I have no idea because I never look at bank statements (when she retired, she took over balancing the checkbook). We hold all our accounts in common, although we have an understanding that some of those accounts contain money that is hers alone, and some contain my money that is mine alone. For instance, the money I inherited from my father is my money, although Peggy's name is also on the account; while the money that Peggy's father sometimes gives her (so she won't have to wait until he dies) is her money, although my name is also on the account. I don't think that such trust is the highest form of intimacy, but it's certainly a close second or third.<br /><br />"My father considered my husband to be pussy whipped as he handled so many household chores and dealt with the kids."<br /><br />Words like sexist, rigid, callous, oppressive, and unjust leap to mind although he surely had his good points (I don't mean to say that the following has anything to do with your father, but I'm nonetheless reminded of the most laudatory thing that my mother ever said about my sister's husband: "At least he doesn't beat her").<br /><br />"Again keep up with your well written memoirs."<br /><br />Thank you, dear Sue. I am honored to have received such an open and interesting comment.Snowbrushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00436087215476479042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-16278482140701899172022-01-08T10:29:51.641-08:002022-01-08T10:29:51.641-08:00"we can love more than one person at a time, ..."we can love more than one person at a time, and respect more than one and want to be with more than one at a time."<br /><br />There's a lovely song entitled "Torn Between Two Lovers" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFB1yytGLRA) that was especially popular in the polyfidelity community back then. In part, it goes: <br /><br />"There are times when a woman has to say what's on her mind <br />Even though she knows how much it's gonna hurt.<br />Before I say another word, let me tell you 'I love you,' <br />Let me hold you close, and say these words as gently as I can. 'There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved,<br />But that doesn't mean I love you less...<br />Couldn't really blame you if you turned and walked away,But with everything I feel inside, I'm asking you to stay.'"<br /><br />"...it's jealously that causes the problems..."<br /><br />I hardly mean to defend jealousy when I say that it wasn't jealousy that destroyed Speedwell, but rather problems that were there from the first but that we ignored in the hope that they would magically disappear. I knew that this was true on my part, but upon reading this post, Peggy confirmed that she too attempted to shove aside her bad feelings.<br /><br />"...some people would be happier with one person, but some would be happier with three or more I suppose."<br /><br />On principle, I opposed the image of two people excluding the rest of the world from an island-like communion. I also feared putting my everything into one person all the while knowing that the day would come when one of us would die (I never entertained the possibility that one of us would walk away). Just as I feel a degree of safety in having more than one cat, I wanted the safety of having more than one intimate partner. At the same time, it's hard enough to make things work with one person.<br /><br />"For myself I don't like people all that much and enjoy being alone...<br /><br />With the coming of Covid, I've spent even more time alone, and instead of making me miss people, the experience has caused me to become easily tired when I'm with people. Although I can even say that I greatly enjoy my fellow humans, it's like my social "muscles" have gone to flab, and so I lack the endurance necessary for prolonged contact. <br /><br />"You could have couples that no longer want to sleep with each other but love each others companionship...<br /><br />Sex is absent between Peggy and me, but our relationship is no less intense; we are no less devoted to one another; and we even continue to have our daily hour and a half cuddle. I'm sure there are people in their seventies who still have sex, and I think that, well, whatever makes them happy, but I can no longer imagine it. This has led to the thought that if Peggy died, and I wanted another partner, why would I necessarily choose a female partner. Although I don't know that I could ever cuddle with a man, I could enjoy everything else that I would do with a woman... One thing that she and I have agreed upon is that if one of us should die, and the other go on to have another partner, we will keep our money separate from our partner's money, and therefore a major--if not THE major--expression of trust that we have shared will end forever when our relationship ends.<br /><br />"Every time you describe Peggy more I love her more." <br /><br />It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it, and I thank you for taking it on.<br /><br />"We're not moving in mind you unless Rosie can marry Ollie." <br /><br />[for those who might wonder, Rosie is a dog, and Ollie a cat]. Firstly, I hope she's not hoping to have a lot of sex. Secondly, I showed Rosie's photo to Ollie, but he acted like he hadn't even seen it (maybe I'm wrong, but I take this to be a bad sign). Perhaps, Rosie would be interested in one of my other offerings--Brewsky, Sage, Harvey, or all three of them (now, THAT would be a group marriage to end all group marriages!).Snowbrushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00436087215476479042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-83186382138322386372022-01-07T05:01:36.126-08:002022-01-07T05:01:36.126-08:00I once knew a man who I felt so loved by, I knew t...I once knew a man who I felt so loved by, I knew that his desire for my happiness would have allowed me to have other partners and I think he was so confident in our relationship that he wouldn't have been jealous.<br />My theory was never tested but I think I understand enough to entertain the idea of a group marriage.<br />I think it would be a very rare thing to have a group of people who had the skills and confidence to maintain such a relationship. It must have been an experience!kyliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17733888108530605722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-64175401853016606512022-01-06T16:30:00.518-08:002022-01-06T16:30:00.518-08:00Who is Vicki? As I mentioned before in one of my c...Who is Vicki? As I mentioned before in one of my comments on this topic, my first husband wanted an open marriage but what he really meant was he wanted an open marriage for himself, not me. He would constantly flirt with our women friends and when I mentioned I was OK with them going out with him they thought I was the terrible person, not him for wanting to step out on me. I finally had enough of the double standard and divorced him (there were other reasons as well) I remember once a guy I had a crush on accosted me one night as I was leaving the bar where I hung out. This was in the time between filing for divorce and having to wait the requisite 3 months. My soon to be ex found out I had a crush on this guy and went to see him. I don't know what the hell my ex said to the guy but the guy told me I should go back to my ex, that he loved me, blah blah, and once again I was the bad person in the relationship with my ex. That was the end of my crush.ellen abbotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00535475792150335186noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-11074950480476891442022-01-06T12:23:30.843-08:002022-01-06T12:23:30.843-08:00What an interesting life youāve had! I enjoyed re...What an interesting life youāve had! I enjoyed reading this and the previous installments. I havenāt met anyone that had been in a group marriage. I would think jealousy would bring most down. I assume you kept your finances separate especially for tax reasons. <br />My relatively traditional marriage must look boring <br /><br />I grew up in a household in which my father had all the power since he earned the money and my mom was miserable. I vowed never to be in such a situation and made sure I could support myself. We had similar jobs and incomes and split up child raising and household duties fairly equitably. My father considered my husband to be pussy whipped as he handled so many household chores and dealt with the kids<br /><br />Again keep up with your well written memoirsSue in Italia/In the Land Of Cancerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11146373251097877539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-4174424111055946022022-01-06T11:57:35.678-08:002022-01-06T11:57:35.678-08:00"Today I read the Pope has condemned couples ..."Today I read the Pope has condemned couples who do not have children but do have pets. I thought to myself, wow, a guy who has no children and never will, from a church that has abused children, telling couples what they should do."<br /><br />Well, Jody, I doubt that he would regard us as any less pathetic if we got rid of our pets. Here are some of his remarks: "Today ā¦ we see a form of selfishness. We see that some people do not want to have a child. Sometimes they have one, and thatās it, but they have dogs and cats that take the place of children. This may make people laugh but it is a reality.ā He added that having pets but not children ādiminishes us, takes away our humanity." I remember Ed Butz--Nixon's Secretary of Agriculture--saying of the then Italian pope: "He no playa the game, he no maka the rules." (I agreed with his sentiment but deplored his phrasing.) <br /><br />"I absolutely consider you an intelligent person."<br /><br />Thank you.<br /><br />"And I would never judge anyone on their life choices." <br /><br />I'm happy that my post didn't offend you. I'm also wondering if, perhaps, you're more tolerant than I because I judge a great many people. For example, I strongly condemn Trump voters, conservative Catholics, evangelical Christians, and various others for their life choices, but this is because I see them as being not only a threat to my personal existence but to decency, democracy, civilization, a healthy environment, and countless species.Snowbrushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00436087215476479042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-76862358246254444872022-01-06T11:17:20.501-08:002022-01-06T11:17:20.501-08:00"Thank you - for your courage in undertaking ..."Thank you - for your courage in undertaking this move and for your courage in sharing it."<br /><br />Thank you, EC. I always look so very forward to your comments.<br /><br />"I believe a threesome relationship or group marriage could work...but it would be very rare. Jealousy is just so so human."<br /><br />I've thus far had three comments, all of them from Down Under... I doubt that a jealous person would go anywhere near such a relationship unless, perhaps, he or she was under the complete domination of someone else. As for why such relationships fail, I have no data. In our case, I don't know that Ellen was capable of having an enduring relationship with anyone, and for my part, I became so discouraged that I crumpled when it came to working through differences. An important reason for this was that I lost sexual interest in Ellen early on, and although I never told her (or Peggy), I knew it would ultimately doom the relationship, and I had no idea what to do about it. I could have told her, of course, but the thought of Peggy and me giving up so much for the move, and then for me to throw it all away within weeks was unthinkable.Snowbrushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00436087215476479042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-68482967870473408572022-01-06T08:55:10.751-08:002022-01-06T08:55:10.751-08:00I find this fascinating because it's all reall...I find this fascinating because it's all really down to our long standing social construct so far as what we've been told will and won't work. I think it's been drummed into us that we must find one person and stay with them, ideally forever, and the only alternative is to leave them and be with someone else; it completely ignores something quite fundamental to humans - we can love more than one person at a time, and respect more than one and want to be with more than one at a time. If we didn't no affair would ever happen and they happen a great deal of the time, it's jealously that causes the problems, some people are more jealous than others, and even if we weren't already programmed to think of more than one partner at the same time as wrong some people would be happier with one person, but some would be happier with three or more I suppose. In many ways I think it might ease the stresses in some marriages. What you've described isn't about men or women having power over lots of partners like a man who has many wives in some religions but none of the wives can be with anyone else. For myself I don't like people all that much and enjoy being alone, but it isn't a big stretch for me to imagine being in love with more than one person. I think it would be freeing for people to be so honest with each other instead of pretending to love someone they don't and cheat on them. You could have couples that no longer want to sleep with each other but love each others companionship so they also have relationships that include one or more other people, if they also agreed. Humans aren't very good at playing nice mind you, so power struggles would always occur, but they do even in one to one relationships. Every time you describe Peggy more I love her more. We're not moving in mind you unless Rosie can marry Ollie. XRuby Endnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-10331560172401880162022-01-05T22:04:33.941-08:002022-01-05T22:04:33.941-08:00I absolutely consider you an intelligent person. A...I absolutely consider you an intelligent person. And I would never judge anyone on their life choices <br />Iām grateful that you have shared your story with us. 8 love hearing about others life experiences angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06367100990792829157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-14502258570136783562022-01-05T19:52:45.834-08:002022-01-05T19:52:45.834-08:00The things you tried are indeed bold, since they d...The things you tried are indeed bold, since they defy our traditional roles. I prefer life alone. Today I read the Pope has condemned couples who do not have children but do have pets. I thought to myself, wow, a guy who has no children and never will, from a church that has abused children, telling couples what they should do. Must be short on new recruits for the church, was my first thought. Traditional thought is so messed up with the input from people like him. He has power and an audience and ulterior motives. Strayerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08124298302997708537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-52091984493266060262022-01-05T11:42:29.271-08:002022-01-05T11:42:29.271-08:00"But I really donāt think I could be in a gro..."But I really donāt think I could be in a group marriage. Iāve been taught all my life one wife and one husband."<br /><br />Peggy and I grew up among evangelical conservatives, and were therefore taught as you were. I started moving away from evangelical religion and conservative politics when I was in my early teens. Each step away from traditional values made the next step easier, and so it was that I eventually became the kind of person that I had been taught to hate. Peggy, too, abandoned her family's religion while in her teens, but as to her family's political views, she never gave enough thought to politics for it to matter (that is until Donald Trump came along). I have no idea why we left our childhood teachings and you didn't, but I believe that you are a person of intelligence and integrity, and I can but hope that, despite it all, you can think the same of me.<br /><br />"And I think my jealousy would definitely be the end of me and my sanity."<br /><br />Perhaps whether or not a person is jealous is something that goes so deep as to be unchangeable. Early on when I proposed an open marriage to Peggy, she predicted that I would hit the roof when she started having sex with other men, but I didn't. Had I thought that she would leave me for one of them, I'm sure I would have become jealous, but I never had that fear, and I don't think she feared me leaving her either. Through it all, my commitment to her remained solid because I knew what I had with her, and I never believed that another woman could equal it. I don't know if you read the comments following my last post, but in one of them, I mentioned that we've been married for fifty years. Few people in a monogamous relationship are able to do that, and very few couples in an open marriage manage to pull it off. There's clearly a rare and special strength in our being together.Snowbrushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00436087215476479042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-10330947738435193312022-01-04T23:50:57.856-08:002022-01-04T23:50:57.856-08:00While I knew a some of this, it is good to have it...While I knew a some of this, it is good to have it concisely written with detail. <br /><br />I believe a threesome relationship or group marriage could work with the right mix of people, but it would be very rare. Jealousy is just so so human.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-59833566872870833162022-01-04T22:14:57.885-08:002022-01-04T22:14:57.885-08:00Your final two sentences sum up my feelings as I r...Your final two sentences sum up my feelings as I read through this post. Thank you - for your courage in undertaking this move and for your courage in sharing it.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23830899.post-85470613788253453592022-01-04T17:40:51.536-08:002022-01-04T17:40:51.536-08:00In the middle of reading this I got a call from my...In the middle of reading this I got a call from my husband asking me to pick him up after delivering a truck he had been working on. I thought at that moment another wife would be lovely as I had just sat down to reqd blogs <br />But I really donāt think I could be in a group marriage. Iāve been taught all my life one wife and one husband <br />And I think my jealousy would definitely be the end of me and my sanity angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06367100990792829157noreply@blogger.com