What's hot; what's not (aka something to offend everyone)

I was leaving the library when I saw her; I did a u-turn. She wore a short skirt with long stockings that had black and white horizontal stripes. The little bit of skin that showed between stockings and skirt drove me crazy. She looked at me looking at her, and it wasn’t a friendly look. I hate it when women dress to attract attention, and then become offended when they attract attention. Maybe if I too had been twenty…

I like women in boots too, but I would lose readers if I alluded to them in the way that Charles Perrault alluded to a cat who wore boots—even though I think it sounds funny. Anyway, I like women in boots. I like them A LOT. Short boots, tall boots, majorette boots, cowgirl boots, I don’t care; I just like women in boots. Only I like them a lot better if they’re wearing shorts or skirts with those boots.

Tattoos? No. Nose rings? Oink no! Eyebrow studs? God forbid. High heels? Only if you consider an ambulatory disability sexy. Make-up? A very little is okay. Skirts over pants? Latter day hippies just look silly and unoriginal. Torn jeans? Only a decadent culture affects poverty as a fashion statement.

What I look for in how a woman dresses is a mixture of funk and creativity. I call it flair. But not all women can pull it off. Some women who wear funky hats, vintage clothes, and oversize jewelry just look like they own a few too many cats. Cat women definitely aren’t my thing, but maybe that’s because I got burned by one. Before her, I didn’t think about cats much. Now, I’m more into women who have dogs, but no more than one or two.

Women with sad eyes—wow. Maybe this is because I equate sorrow with depth and happiness with superficiality, or maybe it’s because I think I can save them. Anyway, women with sad eyes make me crazy. I just want to throw myself at their feet and crawl up their legs, serpent-like. You might say, “Bullshit, sad women don’t have more depth; they just have a hormone deficiency.” Okay, whatever… Fact is, I’m in no mood for objective truth, so I would ask that you bear with me even if I sound stupid. After all, you probably sound stupid sometimes too.

One problem I have (okay, one among MANY) is that I like women who dress with flair, yet women who dress so provocatively that men will fantasy about them for 20 years after a brief sighting in the library are almost certainly extroverts, and I prefer introverts because, again, I think the latter have more depth. Extroverts are like pond skimmers that never really alight, and introverts are like fish that hangout in the mud and gloom at the bottom.

What else do you like?

You really want to know? I mean, REALLY?

I am in such suspense that I can hardly catch my breath.

Which brings me to panting women, which are another major turn-on. As are women who smell like human beings instead of like gardenias or some other crap that comes out of a bottle. It’s a really dirty woman who needs to shower to please me, and I have no problem with body hair either unless it’s so thick that it looks like it should be on a man.

Maturity, depth, and erudition also turn me on, but I’ll tell you the embarrassing truth. A silly and shallow fifteen year old can LOOK awfully good even though my paternal instincts outweigh my prurient ones.

One other thing, and it’s a biggie. I like a woman who has seen it all, and who is damn hard to frighten or offend. Maybe this is because I was raised by a mother who never stopped feigning the innocence of a child and who seemed offended by pretty much everything that had anything to do with sex. This turn-on is one reason that I like older women, although I quit writing off younger women after I read Carson McCullers. The accumulation of years is far less important than who a woman is inside; youth doesn’t have to mean innocence or naïveté, and age doesn’t necessarily imply worldliness.

Blondes are good because they look like they’re wearing halos when they’re in the sunshine, but then long-haired blonde men look that way too from behind, and I always feel cheated when they turn around (in fact, I want to slug them for getting me aroused over nothing). A woman’s eyes and shape are far more important than hair color. Besides, I think of brunettes and redheads as having more depth.

Mental problems and a history of suicide attempts also point to depth because the ability to adjust to this world would seem to imply a certain callousness and superficiality. Yeah, I know. Yet again, I’m confusing depth with hormone deficiencies. But then what ARE we, really? You might be right; it might ALL be a question of hormones, but that makes no difference. We all PRETEND that our lives have a deeper substance, a spiritual reality, if you will. I don’t think this is true, but I live as if it is. Cut us open, and we’re the same as pigs, but we don’t treat one another like pigs.

So, how does Peggy measure up to all this? Not so good, thankfully. You see, I recognize something of a gap between the qualities that look hot and the qualities that make a long-term relationship possible. It’s a little like wanting vodka when what you really need is a good meal. Peggy is the good meal. Besides, she has put up with me for 38 years, and I owe her for that. Besides that, what we lack in our ability to deeply understand one another is more than made up for by our love for one another. I can never again marry a woman when we are both young and stay with her until we are approaching old age, and that means a lot to me.

You want to know what depth is in a relationship? I’ll tell you, my child. It’s not hot sex or heart-to-heart talks. Well, maybe it is. But more than these, depth is when you put someone else’s name on your bank account (assuming there’s anything in it) knowing full well that that person could walk away with everything you’ve worked a lifetime for, yet trusting that she won’t EVEN IF she should come to hate your guts. Peggy looks hot, AND she’s deeply affectionate, AND she has unquestioned integrity. It’s a hell of an attractive combination, yet it has never dampened my desire for other women. The new and unknown is appealing because it is new and unknown, and there’s no depth to such an appeal. It’s mostly—maybe exclusively—a matter of hormones.

47 comments:

Mim said...

Do you like women in high heeled boots?

I love this post, you are such an honest man

Bella said...

hey feller,

even men can go through manopause! LOL

RNSANE said...

I read your entire post with great interest - and enjoyed it. I thought some of it was so male - but, of course, you are entitled to your opinions - and you are a man. It was humorous, touching, and very thought provoking.

Marion said...

I'm HEARTBROKEN! I have waaay too many strikes against me and here I was fantasizing about you, Snow. LMAO! But at least you're honest...I have brown or red hair (depending on my mood), 4 tattoos, wear torn jeans, DO own too many cats AND buy my clothes at vintage stores, make and wear my own jewelry, let my boobs hang out on occasion in the summer and wear perfume (but make my own from natural oils). Oh, well. I DO have the sad eyes going on. My husband often says, "Do not look at me with those doe eyes of yours!" LOL! I don't have mental problems but I come from a long line of strong, crazy Southern women. We're a matriarchal clan and the few men around seem to love us bossing them around. Ha! Great, fun post, Snow. You're one of my favorite cyber-dudes. An honest man is a rare find. Your Peggy is a lucky woman! Blessings!

Snowbrush said...

Mim: "Do you like women in high heeled boots?"

As long as they're lying down. It's the deformed walking posture that I find a little sad and silly. A great many supposedly sexy articles of clothing inhibit movement, the idea being that helplessness equates with sexiness. The sad part, for me, comes when I see women buying into this.

Bella: "even men can go through manopause!"

But of course. As you so eloquently pointed out, the clue is in the name. It's when we lose testosterone and build up estrogen, which gives us a pause from being men, which is why you see all these cars with two old women in the front and two old men in the back. You ever see two YOUNG dudes sitting in the back?

RNSANE: I thought some of it was so male"

What a horrid thing to accuse me of! As Red Green says at Possum Lodge, "I am a man, but I can change, if I have to."

Marion: " I have waaay too many strikes against me:

But you DO have a hot looking foot, and going barefoot is a major turn-on of mine (there's just something appealing about a woman's naked foot against the naked earth), and these virtues more than make up for your few piddling deficits. I'm puzzled though. I didn't say anything bad about women who let their boobs hang out. I doubt that MANY men would say anything bad about women who let their boobs hang out. And I LIKE handmade jewelry, and vintage store clothing ISN'T a problem either (in fact, I prefer it). I was referring to a dress style that is eccentric without being sensual as in "when I'm old(er), I'll wear purple and forget all about sensuality." As for the "doe eyes," ask your husband what he wants you to look at him with. I mean, do you have an extra pair of eyes laying around somewhere?

Marion: "I don't have mental problems"

My mistake.

Marion: "Peggy is a lucky woman!"

Boy, will I ever show her YOUR response! I have shown her your blog.

All Consuming said...

‘Some women who wear funky hats, vintage clothes, and oversize jewelry just look like they own a few too many cats.’ – HAHAHAHA, got a real belly laugh from that, tis very true, and mayhaps some people think that of me, however I am told I can carry off the slightly eccentric funky look rather well (she said modestly).

‘I recognize something of a gap between the qualities that look hot and the qualities that make a long-term relationship possible. It’s a little like wanting vodka when what you really need is a good meal.’ – by all the small gods we are one hundred percent in agreement there.

Great post this Snow, love the ‘don’t give a crap if I should or shouldn’t be writing this’ attitude, and it ends with an almighty burst of love for Peggy which rounds the whole thing off nicely.

I know just what you mean about boots, won’t be going into any detail there hahahaha, but I collect 'em as they are pretty much the most fabulous footwear there is in my opinion.

All Consuming said...

Just realised, I posted a poem on my blog just before I read this, and I think it kinda ties in well with your theme in a way. I love how malleable poetry is.

Michelle said...

I own 6 pairs of boots....

Love this post Snow :D

Gaston Studio said...

Peggy is definitely a lucky woman and I'm sure she would agree that you're also a lucky man, Snow. I liked this post in so many ways, mainly because I agree with most of what you said. But also because you're still finding other women appealing; frankly not sure if I'd be interested in a guy who didn't as long as it's only looking and admiring.

Renee said...

Incredible. Snow this is the best post I have read in a long time, certainly all week.

Intelligent, funny, very funny. Loving.

I really loved also how the girl looked at you looking at her with not a friendly look.

Great post.

Love Renee xoxo

rhymeswithplague said...

Yes, yes, that's all well and good, and mildly interesting (to a point - why should one guy care what turns another guy on?), but what I really want to know is: What did you read by Flannery O'Connor that caused you to quit writing off younger women? Certainly NOT "Good Country People" or "A Stroke of Good Fortune" or...(I could go on and on).

Marion said...

Snow, my husband is a foot man, too. One year I had a creative epiphany and took all my cool, sexy high heels (which I can no longer wear due to the effin bad back), painted my toes Slut Red and took photos of my feet in the shoes with major toe cleavage, then put all the pics in a little pocket sized photo album. He went nuts over it and still says it was his favorite gift ever. LOL! (Oh, and hubby is a retired nurse, so I have double respect for Peggy.) Blessings!!

Snowbrush said...

All Con: " love the ‘don’t give a crap if I should or shouldn’t be writing this’ attitude,"

I actually care a great deal about how what I write affects people, and I sometimes temper it accordingly. As in this piece, I didn't use "Pussies in Boots," because I knew it would offend people. Instead, I thought about how I might work around it, and this resulted in me referring to it without saying it. This compromise allowed me to express myself honestly, but hopefully in a way that would be less shocking.

Michelle: "I own 6 pairs of boots...."

Bless you, my child.

Gaston Studio: "finding other women appealing; frankly not sure if I'd be interested in a guy who didn't as long as it's only looking and admiring."

It's not good, year in and year out, to intensely want that which you feel that you must deny yourself, but I suppose you meant less than what I read into your response. Yes, realistically, any man who is not attracted to pretty women as a group is not likely to be very much attracted to just one pretty woman.

Rhymes, you have read more of Flannery O'Connor than I. I will defend my lack of exposure by saying that I rarely read ANY fiction, but for some reason, I picked up a book of hers that was written when she was between 21 and 23 and which was later made into a movie. It concerned the various residents of a small Southern town, and I thought it showed phenomenal depth, especially in one so young. I have looked for the title, but can't find it, which is crazy-making since I'm confident I have my author correct. Your own knowledge level about so many things pleases me exceedingly. People sometimes take ME for an intellectual, but I never mistake myself for one who is really well educated.

Marion, I think your album idea was precious. It brings a glimmer of tear that you would be so sweet.

Peggy is down to 24 hours a week, so you could say that she's a partly retired nurse.

The Blog Fodder said...

Ukraine is awesome for girl watching. Leggy beauties in stylish stilettos - shoes in summer and boots in winter even on cobblestone streets. Micro skirts and lots of décolletage, especially in summer. And no need to make U-turns. If you miss one there are three more along in a minute.

Now if I could just remember why I look...

Ananji said...

Snow, I'm the perfect woman for you.

Get over here!

Ananji

Winifred said...

I love this post it's so perceptive.

Unny I would have thought men wouldn't be so keen on boots. Shows how much I know. I've only had one pair I really loved when I was about 18. Now I hate the things. I just wish I could wear those stilettoes again, I lived in them for years. They made me walk so elegantly it made you feel so good in them. Also made me feel so much taller than my 5'2" too.

You're right about girls wearing provocative clothes. I bet they wear more to bed than they do going out nowadays.

I laugh thinking about what my Dad would say. When I used to wear a mini dress in the sixties he used to tell me I'd catch my death in it. Have to say my top half wasn't exposed in a skimpy top or he'd have killed me.

Really enjoyed reading this.

Marion said...

I truly enjoyed your honesty throughout this post, along with your awesome sense of humorous writing...I laughed out loud at many of your thoughts.

Um...do you like gum boots?

CreekHiker said...

You always dazzle me with your honesty, Snow!

Diana said...

Wow That was deep! Sounds like your bored.
Love Di

babbler said...

Dear Mr. Snowbrush, :)
Looks like I will be cancelling that tail tattoo in favor of buying a snappy black leather tailboot instead! Thanks for coming over to visit us, I have not been able to slide over to visit you for quite some time due to a relentless sliding schedule this past month. In addition to a busy executive slug schedule without the use of a handy Iphone (I am still doing business on the archaic flippy phone that sometimes snaps closed on my tail while I am trying to negotiate an important deal...), Mr. Slug and I have been enjoying the company of our Italian Foreign Exchange Slug. He has been more fun than a bowl of lettuce! In the coming weeks I will attempt to share some of the more recently drawn napkins that involve his visit, expressly for your, and my other favorite visitors, entertainment. If you are VERY lucky, I will have him draw up a few subtitled Italian spaghetti western slugs that he has so generously penned for my readers this fine and dandy night.
Furthermore:
I have taken some time to read your latest posts, very thought provoking, especially this subject of the male slug brain and its inner workings. After I ponder these items more closely and rearrange my shoe rack, I will attend to the most immediate task of my Friday evening at home - the answer to your shopping question back at Slug's Rest!
In conclusion:
It is such a pleasure to know you have missed our visits here at your blog. I will be coming over for a "cuppa" and a chat more often as time permits - I think your blog rocks!
Pleasant evening to you Mr. Snowbrush, ~
from Mrs. Slug

rhymeswithplague said...

Snow, the book and movie you are referring to is Wise Blood, one of only two novels Flannery O'Connor wrote. (The other is The Violent Bear It Away which I also recommend.) There is a young woman in Wise Blood, Sabbath Lily Hawkes, who would disabuse you of your notion, but it is gratifying to learn that the young woman who made you change your attitude was not a character created by Flannery O'Connor's but Flannery herself, whose outward plainness is overridden by the outpouring of her inner self onto the printed page.

You really must read The Violent Bear It Away. There are also two collections of her short stories, A Good Man Is Hard To Find and Everything That Rises Must Converge.

I am not an intellectual either, but I have certain obsessions.

Snowbrush said...

My dear, dear Rhymes, after all your help trying to figure out what the hell I read by Flannery O'Connor that impressed me so, I have but six words to say to you: Carson McCullers, Carson McCullers, Carson McCullers, Her name came to me AS I was reading your last note. The book was "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter," Thank you so much. Now, I will have to look up Flannery O'Connor per your recommendations.

Ms Slug, I am so glad you came by. As to your Italian visitor, I can but hope that Italians aren't like the French who would doubtless eat your relatives if not you yourself. As for canceling your tail tattoo, the women who get them here like to center them right above their crackies, and I don't know quite how a slug could pull that off as I don't even know where a slug's crackie is. What I am trying to say is that a slug in boots is probably a better idea than a slug with a tattoo.

Diana: "Sounds like your bored."

As opposed to sounding like I'm boring? Thank you, I think--ha.

Creekhiker: "You always dazzle me with your honesty, Snow!"

I thank you. I also don't know how much credit I deserve. I would just say that I've been writing personal material for an awfully long time, so I'm well-practiced AND I just might be divulging more about myself than I realize. Also, I frankly wouldn't waste my time writing the superficial, at least not with any regularity. Finally, I see little risk beyond losing readers (which can happen no matter what I write), and therefore I require little courage.

Marion, I love it when someone appreciates my humor because, believe me, not everyone does, and it has offended some.

Winifred: "I bet they [girls] wear more to bed than they do going out nowadays."

Which is why we men have lost interest in sleeping with them.

Winifred: "stilettos...I lived in them for years. They made me walk so elegantly..."

My grandmother (the one who was a whore-house madam) developed a lot of foot problems from them, but I know that some women wouldn't feel dressed-up without their heels.

Ananji: "I'm the perfect woman for you. Get over here!"

You and Carson McCullers rival one another for perfection, but of course she's dead, so that does tilt things in your favor. You're in New York, I believe, and I'm in Oregon, I think. I'm having yet another shoulder surgery on December 11, so I could fly out on the 12th, and you could nurse me through my recovery, or else I could spend Xmas with Peggy, and fly out afterwards and spend New Years with you (she won't be here anyway). Decisions, decisions. Be sure and let your son know I'm moving in. Wow, who could have thought that things would move along so fast!

The Blog Fodder: "Ukraine is awesome for girl watching."

I had a Ukrainian neighbor for years, and he never mentioned this--the rat. It also contradicts my image of the Ukraine as a farming area filled with poor peasants in plain clothing. Yet, I am completely ready to bow to your personal experiences. My own experience might lose something though if I couldn't even TALK with the girls (who presumably don't speak English for the most part), but then what would I say anyway? I certainly couldn't think of anything at the library.

rhymeswithplague said...

Re Ukranian girls, maybe you could just lick your lips and roll your eyes. Love is a universal language.

Snowbrush said...

P.S. to Winifred who wrote: "Unny I would have thought men wouldn't be so keen on boots."

I have no idea if men in general like boots.

Rhymes: "Re Ukranian girls, maybe you could just lick your lips and roll your eyes. Love is a universal language."

While drooling and jerking spasmodically? Such behavior DOES seem to attract women's notice here in the States, so I suppose it would do the same in the Ukraine. Thanks for the suggestion.

Rikkij said...

Snowman- you need another hobby. Maybe welding to keep your gaze averted. ~rick

kylie said...

you would like me!

All Consuming said...

Moons

All Consuming said...

*last comment was posted in anger...I thought I'd posted a point that either didnee connect...or mayhaps we don't agree on, don't know. Thought I was...anyway of course I know that and you don't..hmmm.... am tired here...and all the more now.

Snowbrush said...

Rikkij: "you need another hobby. Maybe welding to keep your gaze averted."

Or threading needles--one after another after another, the whole time I am driving or walking in any place that there might be women.

Kylie: "you would like me!"

I already do. If things don't work out with Ananji in New York, I'll look for a cheap flight to Australia.

All Consuming: "last comment was posted in anger...I thought I'd posted a point that either didnee connect...or mayhaps we don't agree on, don't know."

I must confess to being a bit lost here, but I am also flattered by your reaction. You were my first follower, if I recall correctly, and I was yours, if I recall correctly, but never has any of the considerable emotion we have expressed to one another related to our friendship with one another.

All Consuming: "I am told I can carry off the slightly eccentric funky look rather well"

I don't doubt but what you can. That said, being young and pretty no doubt helps, eccentricity being a trait that is more commonly ascribed to older women--and men.

kylie said...

you said you have no idea if men in general like boots:
they do!
though i was just asking my 14year old and he only likes long boots

dont you realise that we women buy eff em boots? that shows how common the phenomenon is

oh ps. i love this post, so much info
and you would like me even with my ambulatory disability

Snowbrush said...

Kylie: "you would like me even with my ambulatory disability"

Oh, I'm sure I would--amatory disability notwithstanding.

C Woods said...

Hi Snowbrush. Loved this post. It explains a lot about male thinking. I used to have the "flair" you mentioned, but since I retired, I dress for weather, gardening, cleaning, grocery shopping, helping my husband in his G-A-R-A-G-E (it's so huge that the mere word "garage" doesn't describe it properly) so the flair is gone. It was a lot of work. I don't miss it one bit.

Thanks for stopping by. Yes, I have been neglecting my blog. I got caught up in some other projects and just had to put the blog on hold for a few weeks. I long ago realized I can do ANYthing I want, but not EVERYthing I want, and especially not at the same time.

kylie said...

who told you bout that???

rhymeswithplague said...

Speaking of Carson McCullers, I have done my homework and I think you must have read either The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter or Reflections In A Golden Eye. Both of them were written when Ms. McC was young and both were made into movies.

You're welcome.

rhymeswithplague said...

Strike that, I see that you already told me the title of the book you read.

Strayer said...

Guess you're saying goodbye to me Snowbrush. Goodbye.

All Consuming said...

Don't remnember posting the lastb comment I was drunk as a skunk with a face to match! x

Snowbrush said...

C Woods, so good to have you come around.

All Consuming: "Don't remnember posting the lastb comment I was drunk as a skunk"

I worry about you. I know it was Halloween and all, but I still worry about you. I won't get on your case about it--more than what I've already said--but I very, very, very much want you to be as well as possible given that you've got some chronic health issues.

Anonymous, I allowed you comment with some reservations, but am now going to pull it off. Please, don't use my Blog to criticize others. Even with the "LOL"s, I still took it as an attack.

Just_because_today said...

Snow, what a great post! It made me laugh and it made me smile.
What a great talent you have for writing, my man.

rhymeswithplague said...

I'm so sorry to hear you have an "amatory disability"...does that mean your buck teeth get in the way of trying to make your lips come together so kissing is out? Or do you skip all the foreplay and get right to the action: fondling the boots?

JOE TODD said...

I'm back from vacation and playing catch up on blog reading. Those young things that dress to attract attention...just whistle.. and see the reaction you get. You can have a real laugh

nollyposh said...

Oh Snow... YOU are such a boy! ...and just for tha record i don't 'pretend' it's just that there IS more to life than JUST sex, perhaps you just have waaay tOO many of those 'ol hormones! Lol! (i think i just said JUST waaay tOO many times!)
X;-)

geek said...

You have quite a taste for women, Mr. Snow. :)

Pat - Arkansas said...

I don't know that this was the proper post to read in my trying to catch up after a lengthy absence. fear I fit the "cat woman" image far too closely. However, my cats seem to like it.

I was very happy to read of your relationship with Peggy; that makes up for all that crazy macho stuff!

Lydia said...

It says everything about your relationship with Peggy that you can write with such honesty in a public blog. I was amazed and entertained by this post.

Natalie said...

:D No comment.

Rob-bear said...

What a fascinating mixture of thoughts.

Ironically, perhaps, the first thing I really see in a woman is her face. What story does this face tell? I remember meeting a woman a while ago, who was seriously pregnant. Didn't see her extended tummy -- saw her face. She drew my attention to "the bulge." I guess I tend to identify people by their stories.

For what it's worth.