Should certain women be removed from the gene pool due to toilet seat preferences?


But first, an update on my many travails.

I saw the surgical neurologist (Chris) yesterday and found him unsympathetic and condescending (i.e. a typical doctor), although he seemed competent enough. He prescribed a brace (for which I'm being fitted in the photo), which he wanted me to start wearing ASAP. This meant that I had to initiate many calls to insurance to get the brace approved in three hours instead of the usual three days (one can NEVER simply sit back and assume that everything which must be done will be done, because it most certainly will not). Chris also told me to come back in a week, said that surgery might turn out to be necessary despite the brace (due to some “troubling aspects of the fracture”), and gave me a brief lecture on the safe use of ladders. In other news:

I learned from looking at the doctor's computer while he was out of the room that not only do I have a humongous cyst on my left kidney (6 cm by 7 cm), I have ten mysterious growths on my liver.

Peggy knocked a large mug of coffee off her bedside table and onto her cat.

The snow can’t melt because the weather just keeps getting colder—down to -7F, in fact, which is by far the coldest I’ve seen it during my 27 years here. Eugene is not a town that handles snow well either in terms of street clearing or the driving skills of its motorists.

I broke my thumb while using walls and doors to brace myself as I made my way through the house. The disaster occurred when I pulled against a doorknob with my left hand, before removing my right thumb from between the door and the jamb on the hinge side. The fingernail is blackish-blue, and the rest of the thumb is feverishly-red, grotesquely swollen, looks out of alignment, and hurts like the dickens, especially when I’m trying to sleep.

We can neither open nor lock the garage door, and Peggy won't allow me on a ladder to remedy the problem.

The kitchen sink stopped up night before last, the toilet last night. I WILL fix these things today.


Now, on to my question, which I’m especially wondering about at the moment because I cant bend forward. To wit, in my experience, most women think men should lower the toilet seat upon leaving a restroom, and even go so far as to claim that men who don’t lower the seat are jerks. Because of this, and because we live in an age of unisex toilets, I always lower toilet seats, or at least I did prior to breaking my back eleven days ago. I never considered this a reasonable expectation on the part of women, but I did it nonetheless because it wasn’t important enough of an issue to me that I was willing to risk having some woman come screaming out of a bathroom throwing rocks and fecal matter my way because I neglected to lower a toilet seat. My question is this, why do women think this way? Wouldn’t it make just as much sense for men to insist that women raise toilet seats, even if they didn’t have a clue whether the next person who uses the toilet would want it raised? I believe that toilet seat positioning should be the responsibility of the current occupant, and with this in mind, I hereby declare my intent to proceed in consistence with my values even when my back is well, so if you think I’m wrong, here is your chance to straighten me out.

I’m now going to share with you something that I’ve never told anyone. I don’t know why this is, but Peggy sometimes leaves the toilet seat up, but only after I’ve gone to bed for the night, which means that I have, on occasion, myself fallen into the goddamn toilet because I didn’t elect to turn the light on at 3:00 a.m., blinding myself and making it harder to get back to sleep. While Ive never actually heard giggles coming from Peggy’s bed when I fell in, I always suspicioned them, and the fact that she always laughed like a hyena when confronted with my sad story at the breakfast table didn’t allay my suspicions. When I asked her why she would do such a dastardly thing, she just said she must have left it up when she cleaned the toilet, a response that I considered more than a little lame, especially in light of the fact that she never fell into her little toilet mines. Having finally concluded once and for always that she was not to be trusted, I finally started putting my hand out before sitting to be sure there was something there to to sit upon. It’s a sorry state of suspicion for a woman like herself to impose upon a decent, hardworking, god-fearing man like myself, but such is life.

34 comments:

angela said...

Hahaha go Peggy. Our toilet seat doesn't stay up. It falls down very loudly so it best to put it all back down again or you just might get a fright in the middle of the night when it decides to fall. So our problems were solved befor they became problems.
See women are very sneaky lol
I hope your back gets better without an op, and tell the doctor to just do his job and leave the lectures for someone who cares about his opinion.

Snowbrush said...

"...leave the lectures for someone who cares about his opinion."

Really. The ladder lecture was the first thing he attended to, and it wasn't a good way to get off on the right foot.

Elephant's Child said...

Toilet seats are dangerous things. Someone I went to school with broke fingers on both hands (cannot remember how many but it was plural) flinging the seat down and leaping aboard when her need was urgent. Not a story which was met with sympathy although her pain and inconvenience was acute.
Hiss and spit on the doctor (and insurance) fronts. Far too many of them do consider themselves deities here. Arrogant, condescending and cruel deities. Or perhaps that is the atheist in me whinging.
Fingers and toes crossed you get through a few days without further calamaties. And that Brewski recovers well from the indignity which Peggy spilled apon him.
The three of you are in my thoughts.

kj said...

The questions confounds me.

Who wants to sit on a toilet seat with pee on it? And women sit.

That's the answer.

Otherwise, holy moly snow, you've got problems coming and going these days. I hope all are temporary.

Love
kj

lotta joy said...

He felt you needed a lesson in how to use something he PAYS minions to do for him. Pompous Ass. I guess his next lesson will be concerning the correct way to open a door.

Now, are we going to address the ten mysterious things on your liver?

My liver made my doctor get "that expression" on her face you don't want on your doctor's face. So what test did she order for me? I found out this morning it's a lower GI with barium. and I refused.

It's not my guts, and the liver does not absorb barium, rather radiated iodine. So, we need YOUR doctor to talk to mine concerning which tests are for liver imaging.

p.s. You are the cutest little bugger on the internet.

Snowbrush said...

"Toilet seats are dangerous things."

Especially if they're made from super ball material in which case, you slam them down, and them they bounce up and slam you down.


Who wants to sit on a toilet seat with pee on it? And women sit."

What has that got to do with women expecting men to lower the seat when they're finished?

"He felt you needed a lesson in how to use something he PAYS minions to do for him. "

It's an excellent point, but my main objection was that he assumed that (a) the accident was my fault and that (b) I didn't know better. Also, I resented paying through the nose for information that comes stamped on any new ladder.

"Now, are we going to address the ten mysterious things on your liver?"

I just called the internist.

Stephen Hayes said...

I'm going to betray my gender by saying the position of the toilet seat should be determined by the person who cleans that toilet the most. In fact I started sitting when I pee back when my wife got sick and I had to regularly clean the toilet. I had no idea so much splashing went on and it was difficult to blame this on my wife.

Snowbrush said...

"I started sitting when I pee back when my wife got sick and I had to regularly clean the toilet."

I nearly always sit when at home, and I do always sit during the night because it's easier than aiming in the dark. As for who cleans the toilet, we both do. I do it because I'm the houseperson, but Peggy does it because she has a mental compulsion about the daily scrubbing of toilets. It's the one area of life about which she's fanatically clean.

Snowbrush said...

"I'm going to betray my gender by saying the position of the toilet seat should be determined by the person who cleans that toilet the most."

I think you meant this in humor because it would otherwise portray men as creatures who are only too happy to slop urine everywhere in perfect confidence that it's a woman's job to clean up after them.

Robin said...

Thinking about you all Monday...love your *Cheeky* in the camera look as the brace was fitted. You have the *sickest* humour...but I love it!

As for the toilet issue - a few years back, the owner of my building installed Japanese Toilets....they close as soon as one flushes....no options!

Concerned about Brewsky! I hope he is not burned...

Love,

♥ Robin ♥

Charles Gramlich said...

Very sorry to hear of all this crap. Now the thumb too. Ouch, man.

Snowbrush said...

"I'm going to betray my gender by saying the position of the toilet seat should be determined by the person who cleans that toilet the most."

Only you do know--don't you?--that what I had reference to was the position that the seat is left in when a person leaves the bathroom rather than when he is actually using the bathroom.

"love your *Cheeky* in the camera look as the brace was fitted."

I do look like I have a bit of an "attitude," and I guess I do sometimes.

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

I have always had tiny bathrooms and tend to back into them. I would have killed any man who left them up! I've fallen in more than once in the middle of the night with my step dad or brother in law in the house.

I wouldn't mind checking in daylight... but lights get me wide awake in the middle of the night, so in the dark, down is always polite!

Snowbrush said...

Hey, there, Charles. No pun intended, I suppose?

"lights get me wide awake in the middle of the night, so in the dark, down is always polite!"

My point to Peggy. The important thing is simply that people have an agreement that everyone can rely upon. Since both of us sit, not just during the night, but at other times too, down is better. My main point, though, was to ask whether I'm right about women expecting men to put the seat down whenever they leave a bathroom.

Helen said...

You may be falling apart .. But damn, you look mighty fine! How does that happen? Women don't fare as well I must say.

Your post reminds me of the time I made every attempt in the world to read my EKG when my physician stepped out of the exam room. I was convinced death would occur SOON. What in the world made me think I could read those up and down and up squiggles? Sorry about your thumb .. and the fact that you fall into the toilet (when Ms. Peggy wants to have a little innocent fun.)

Strayer said...

I am against unisex toilets because many men are not good bathroom marksmen or get distracted or I don't know what and make a stinky pee mess they don't clean up. I hate using unisex bathrooms for that reason. You tell us women, Snow, why do men miss the toilet when peeing, and not clean up either?

Linda said...

Women always sit. Guys are the ones who change the commode seat, sometimes sitting and sometimes standing. Women have the expectation of having the seat down. is it so hard for a man to put down the seat that he just put up and faced? Usually if a man does not put the seat back down, he did not flush either. Well, that is my experience.

I would have had to say something to the idiot doctor who told you about how to use a ladder. "Are you charging me more to insult me?" Then, "let's just stick to medical stuff, okay?" And, I would have sad it in a very haughty tone. The older I get, the less patience I have with doctors.

Could the spots on your liver have been bruises from the fall. Yes, I know you fell on your back.

I would think a crushed vertebrae would call for surgery, not a brace. Maybe you should have surgery before the first of the year since the new healthcare is supposed to impose rules and take decisions out of the hands of patients and doctors.

possum said...

Damn, Snow! 1, lets hope you do not have to have surgery... 2, maybe those 'things' on the liver were just gas bubbles... 3,one of life's humiliating lessons is that sometimes we have to ask for help (garage door, for example).
And, 4... the toilet seat. Shame on me, I laughed out loud with Peggy... I know, that is not nice to chuckle at someone else's expense, but I did. Mea culpa. AT my house, not only does the seat come down but the lid also, so everyone has to lift at least one thing to use the toilet... it keeps the cats out of the john (and the occasional possum or which ever other creature is living with us at the time and roaming the house at night.) Spilling coffee on the cat is a horrible experience for the cat, especially, but peeing on a possum in the middle of the night is not something you ever want to experience. I will not mention their 50 sharp little teeth should you sit on one. Could be a eunuch experience for you! (sorry)

Years ago when we lived in the Middle East, we had a Turkish bomb-site bathroom and a "western" bathroom. The men used the bomb-site, females got the sit-down version. End of problems. But methinks that would be too painful for you right now to have to squat.
The "boy's room" used to get so nasty, had we had a possum back then, I doubt he would have gone near it. The dog would not even go down that hall.

Wishing you better days, Snow.

Sissy said...

Up or down? It is all a matter of consideration and a quick "Think". Often when out I have to avail myself stopping by at grandson's bathroom, where the seat is always up, since it is his toilet entirely. His consideration and politeness to Granny by lending his toilet certainly calls for my consideration to leave the seat as I found it - Up.

Dang, Snow. It is good to monitor every movement after I have a "tragedy" or else I always hurt something else too. The older I get, the creepier I crawl - preservation tactics, you know. Monitoring every move/step now saves me untold traumas. With holey bones, I'm very fearful of breaking a hip and like you now, hold to something with every step I take. Life is fragile, life is precious, even with all its attending pain.

You don't appear to be having an attitude in your picture; not to me. In fact you appear sweet and cooperative. Now Me, I can let it all hang out; I hold nothing back if someone is pushing my buttons. I have a brother just like you. He is so polite, jokey, mannerly; truly admirable. Not me...too old for stupidity from the so-called Pros who have pigeon-holed me in my current position. I feel about the medical system almost as you feel about the no-god.

Sissy said...

Poor Brewsky, Poor Peggy, Poor You.

And why is it that everything seems to be problematic (garage door, toilet, water) just when we are so helpless?

rhymeswithplague said...

I was reading along being properly sympathetic in all the right places and buying every word your wrote until I arrived at the last sentence and you said "a decent, hardworking, god-fearing man like myself" and that's when I knew this whole episode about the ladder and your back and your kidney and your liver and the cat and the toilet seat and your thumb is either a figment of your imagination or an exercise in the Writing For Bloggers class you attend every week in downtown Eugene. You had me going there for a while, I must admit. (Of course, I am just kidding -- my old-codger heart goes out to you and wishes you a speedy recovery in every affected area.)

I put the seat down out of love for my wife. It's just that simple.

All Consuming said...

"I have ten mysterious growths on my liver." - I always said you were a man of mystery.
I'm laughing out loud at Peggy leaving the seat up and you falling into the toilet. I'm a rotter eh? Hahahaha. Personally I have never understood why females get preference in the matter. It makes no sense at all. Just do what you need to do with the damn seat when you get in the toilet rather than bitch about where it was when you got there. The only thing that gets my goat is men leaving piss on the seat when they're too drunk to lift the seat up, or just lazy. Actually in public toilets women can be just as messy, it's disgusting stuff. Other than that, life is wayyyyyy too short to make anyone's life a misery for where they leave the bog seat.
Your thumb...good grief! You should be strapped between two mattresses at the moment for your own safety. I hope the brace gives you some pain relief sweetie. xxx

All Consuming said...

Oh yes, and I too love the photo, cracking smile just for us. Thank you *smiles back.

Snowbrush said...

"But damn, you look mighty fine!"

Thank you. I wish I could see myself through your eyes, the truth being that I went through most of my life thinking I was about 6.5 on scale of 1-10. I guess I still am compared to most men my age, but it's a sad scale to be on, the only good thing I can say about it is that how I look is less important to me now that my interest in women has lessened.

"why do men miss the toilet when peeing, and not clean up either?"

I think of it as being like rape in that few men do it or want to do it, and I hate those who do, the moreso because they belong to my gender and consequently make people who look like me look bad. I fell asleep last night with fantasies of blowing a 64 year old local man, away. This man installed a camera in his teenage neighbor's bedroom, couldn't be prosecuted for it because there's no law under which to prosecute him, and even got to stay in his house while his neighbors were obliged to sell out and move in order to protect their daughter from a pervert that doesn't deserve to draw another breath. THAT is NOT the image I want people of my gender and my age to have. Pissing on a toilet seat is hardly in that category (it's more like littering), but it is tacky, inexcusable, and (unlike littering but very much like rape) gender specific, and I devoutly loathe anyone who does it. It's hard to think of how anyone might show greater contempt for his fellow human beings than to leave piss all over a toilet seat, and although it affects women more, it angers me just as much, and it's also true that there are occasions when I too need to sit. So, I can't answer your question except to say that toilet seats should be electrically wired so that anyone who pisses on them would be knocked clean out of the stall with his now smoking weewers still in his hand, either that or be forced to carry a sign saying, "I piss on toilet seats."

"is it so hard for a man to put down the seat that he just put up and faced?"

No, but neither does he know whether a woman or a man will want to use it next, and if it's a man, then that man will have to re-raise the seat that his predecessor lowered. Also, and more importantly, if one man lowers it, it sometimes happens that the next person to use the toilet is a man of the type that Strayer wrote of who is only too happy to pee with the seat down, leaving copious amounts of urine for the next person to clean up. If for this reason alone, I think that, if I were a woman, I would prefer that the seat be left up.

Snowbrush said...

"Could the spots on your liver have been bruises from the fall."

As it turns out, they've been there for awhile, but my internist didn't think them worth mentioning--either that or he overlooked them.

"I would think a crushed vertebrae would call for surgery, not a brace."

There is more than one possible surgery, and they each have their risks, most notably nerve damage. The bone WILL heal without surgery, and the purpose of the brace is to force me into such a posture that it will heal correctly, that is if it's capable of healing correctly. Doctors commonly start with the less aggressive treatments and work their way up only when those have failed.

"Maybe you should have surgery before the first of the year since the new healthcare is supposed to impose rules and take decisions out of the hands of patients and doctors."

I know nothing about any new rules, but I do know that my doctors can't currently do squat without the approval of a clerk at an insurance company--even things that doctors label as medically urgent can't happen without the approval of a clerk at an insurance company. Just within the last week, I've had to struggle mightily to get CAT Scans, MRIs, and a back brace approved, although my doctors considered all of these things urgent.

"one of life's humiliating lessons is that sometimes we have to ask for help (garage door, for example)."

People are generally willing to drive me to a doctor's appt, but not so much to repair things for me, even when the things that need repairing are simple things that can be done quickly. While it's true that I can afford to have work professionally done, it's also true that I might end up paying a $100 minimum for a job that can be done in five minutes, and it's hard to do this when medical bills are as thick as flies at a picnic.

"Spilling coffee on the cat is a horrible experience for the cat"

It didn't do Peggy any good either because she had to catch the cat as it ran about getting coffee all over everything. She also had to move a phone, a stereo, a rug, and three large wooden storage boxes in order to get the coffee from beneath them before it made the floor swell irretrievably. Some of these new floors are great in every way but spills because they are basically a tough surface atop a pressboard core, so they handle spills as if they were cardboard.

Snowbrush said...

"You don't appear to be having an attitude in your picture; not to me. In fact you appear sweet and cooperative."

I was struggling at the time because I had gotten a friend to drive me--through snow--to the place listed on their information sheet to find that they had moved to the next town, and since he had other errands to run, this occasioned a two hour delay in me getting there, during which my back was hurting worse every moment from being driven from one place to another. They blamed the doctor for giving out old information sheets, but, as I pointed out, they themselves could have picked up the old sheets when they left the new ones rather than relying on every person who had access to those sheets to know that they were out of date. They could have also told me that they had moved when I called for my appointment.

"And why is it that everything seems to be problematic (garage door, toilet, water) just when we are so helpless?"

Luck of the draw.

"I put the seat down out of love for my wife. It's just that simple."

I wasn't talking so much about at home as at public restrooms where doing so becomes more problematic. Yet, even at home, wouldn't it make just as much sense for your wife to show love by raising the seat for you as for you to show love by lowering it for her? Now, I too lower it at home, and I will continue to do so, but if she told me that I had an obligation to keep the seat where she wanted it, I would have a problem with that just as I would have a problem with being told that it was my responsibility to open doors for her, which is something else that I do. Once you put something on the level of obligation, you take kindness out of the equation because you no longer give the person credit for doing it; you just give him censure when he doesn't do it.

"The only thing that gets my goat is men leaving piss on the seat when they're too drunk to lift the seat up, or just lazy."

I interpret such behavior as contemptuous. It's saying, "I will make a mess using my bodily waste, and leave it to you to deal with that because you're unworthy of consideration much less respect."

Linda said...

Should certain men be removed from the "men who will ever see us naked again pool" due to toilet seat preferences that cause us to plunge into their old pee or sit on their old sticky pee?

Snowbrush said...

"Should certain men be removed from the "men who will ever see us naked again pool" due to toilet seat preferences that cause us to plunge into their old pee or sit on their old sticky pee?"

No to the first part of your question because it behooves us all to look before we sit, and if we refuse to do so due to our insistence that the rest of the world leave the seat in the position of our choosing, we're just naturally going to fall in from time to time if only because the seat broke or the last person to use the toilet had a broken back. If I had answered yes to this part of your question, then Peggy would never see ME naked again because it is she who leaves the seat up in our household, and only in the midnight hour at that. If there is any occasion where it is surely reasonable to expect the seat to be down, it's when living with but one other person and that person being a female, yet I've learned that I can't trust that the seat will be down even in THIS circumstance, which means that I have to reach out in the darkness to be sure I won't fall in.

As to the second part of your question, I believe that peeing on a seat and leaving it for the next person to clean up qualifies as act of contempt and therefore comes close to being unforgivable. I recall going to the toilet on a group trip 40-years ago just as another person was walking out, and finding that the seat had piss all over it. I still hate that son-of-a-bitch, and I'm still mad at myself for not confronting him about it because I didn't want to "embarrass" him when he so richly deserved to be embarrassed. In an escalation of his type of behavior, I have on a few occasions found that the previous occupant had smeared shit on the seat, but whether it's pee or shit, no one should have to clean someone else's bodily wastes from a toilet to before he or she can use it.

PhilipH said...

Dear Snowy, you look very smart in the strapping and hope you get back to as normal as possible soonest.

I took a photo of young George, the only son and heir of the 13th Earl of Haddington, after he left hospital in Glasgow after falling some 50 feet from a bridge, onto the concrete road below. He was celebrating his Uni finals and, like many young bucks of his ilk, he may have had a libation or two. He was in dock for about a week and is now 100% fit.
Just thought I'd mention it...
Kindest regards, Phil

Linda said...

LOL...I certainly don't want you to never see Peggy naked again...I guess. I just HAD to say that.

I have let out an anguished expression of my disgust as the person who peed on the seat was still in earshot, rushing out the door without washing hands.

It's gross, and the person should be embarrassed, so I just act like it is a visceral reaction.

When a person leaves shit or piss on the seat it is a sign of contempt. Agreed.

Snowbrush said...

"He was in dock for about a week and is now 100% fit."

I've consistently heard it said that a two-story fall is enough to kill most people, so how he fell 50 feet (which is what--five stories?) onto concrete, and came out so well is a mystery. I would assume that the alcohol helped because it is so often the case that a drunk will be the only one to survive the crash that he caused, presumably because he is the only one whose body remained relaxed.

"certainly don't want you to never see Peggy naked again..."

Wouldn't it be the other way around since she was the one to leave the seat up, and I was the one to fall in--repeatedly, before I stopped even trying to trust her, that is in regard to toilet seats?

"I have let out an anguished expression of my disgust as the person who peed on the seat was still in earshot, rushing out the door without washing hands."

What fun it would have been to pee in a cup and run out and throw it at him. You know, I get so mad about such things because they're both tacky and defy comprehension. For example, I can understand why a murderer might come off looking sympathetic to a jury (like if a parent killed the priest who raped their child), but littering or pissing on toilets seats is always detestable.

Sissy said...

Two weeks now past. I'm wondering how you(all) are doing today. Give us an update if you may, Snow.

My take on soiled toilet seats: Unforgivable! If ever a chance arises in public, I'll run after them and loudly chastise the offender in front of the public ears. Nasty dogs those are! Not flushing is even worse. Some people had NO correct upbringing apparently.

Snowbrush said...

"Two weeks now past. I'm wondering how you(all) are doing today. Give us an update if you may, Snow."

Thanks for asking. It has been a month today, actually. I'm still in the backbrace, and will be for some time to come. Its tightening bands hurt my back, plus my back hurts anyway, so I tend to stay in bed a lot because that enables me to take the brace off and feel comfortable, at least until my shoulders start hurting and force me to get up again. Once up, I can't stand for more than a few minutes; I'm not supposed to bend over or lift more than five pounds; and the brace pushes against my esophagus when I sit down; so it's soon back to bed. The thumb is continuing to improve, so I cancelled my last appointment with that doctor, but am still seeing my internist, my back doctor, and a urologist (about the growth on my left kidney). Because I will have a lapse in insurance for the month of January, I'm hoping to get my doctor visits out of the way prior to the 31 days of that month. If one of the doctors I am scheduled to see this Monday and Tuesday should insist that I come in, I really don't know what I'll do.

PhilipH said...

Not much of a merry Xmas for you then Snowy. So very sorry to know that you are still in much discomfort, to put it mildly.

Hoping very much that you start to improve a good deal in the coming weeks and months.

Kindest regards,
Phil