“If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.” Nietzsche

For decades, I’ve written my way through depressive periods, but this last one was too deep. The more I despair of ever being free from crippling pain, the harder life becomes, so when something else upsets me—and something about the group I lead did upset me—I sink to a place that is cold and dark and from which words cannot escape.

Peggy and I took an overnight trip last week, and, as sometimes happens, I threw out all the stops in order to get enough pain relief to enjoy myself, but when I couldn’t feel 20 mgs of oxycodone (2-4 times the normal starting dose), I gave up. Same thing yesterday when we had an overnight guest. I took my strongest sleeping pill (Dalmane), but it only worked for ninety minutes before I had to consider what to take next. So it is that I can no longer quiet the pain without taking high doses of so many different kinds of pills that I fear for my safety. I’m going to look into getting some marijuana because it’s all that I know to do. At least pot won’t kill you.

I haven’t smoked marijuana in fifteen years. The last time was at a large party, which is the last place I should smoke dope, but, what the hell, it was good shit, and it was free. When the social terror kicked in, I went outside and sat in a car with a woman, and things were good until she got cold and went back in. I soon became cold too, but I couldn’t face all those people, so I drove home. It wasn’t a long way, but it seemed like a long way because my sense of time and speed were so warped that I had to stare at the speedometer the whole way. Things stayed bad for me once I got home, but at least I was alone.

Around midnight, I went back to the party, and that was good because the pounding music and deafening chatter were gone, and enough people had left that things were mellow. I couldn’t find Peggy, and no one remembered having seen her for hours. I figured she would turn up eventually, so I settled into the conversation until around 2:00 when someone finally found her asleep on a bed upon which people had thrown their coats. Never a woman to hold her liquour, she had gotten sleepy after two drinks, burrowed to the bottom of the coat pile, and missed most of the party.

In 1980, I had my worst—and my best—experience with marijuana at another party. What made it so bad was that I had no place to get away to because I was a hundred miles from home in the Louisiana Delta—near Tallulah. Another problem was that there were only twelve people at the party, so I would have needed to explain my departure, but I couldn’t very well have done that because I had lost the ability to make words come out when I opened my mouth. Imagine an animal that rolls itself into a ball when it’s afraid, and imagine that this animal doesn’t know when to stop, so the ball keeps getting tighter and tighter until the animal’s every thought and every function are drawn into a psychic black hole. That’s how marijuana makes me feel sometimes.

It was nightime, and we were on a screened-in porch sitting around an empty cable spool that had been turned into a table. My mother was there and she was drunk, but she never smoked marijuana. Joints and water pipes were being passed around so fast that I hardly had time to exhale from one before someone handed me another. I knew that things were about to get really bad for me, but I didn’t do drugs for fun but because I wanted to explore every corner of my being. When I was with a group of people or with people I didn’t trust, the result was very bad, but when I was alone—or with one other person whom I did trust—it was very good.

There were citronella candles on the spool, and I was staring at a raised area on the one nearest me when it morphed into the face of a monster. The monster stared at me—and me at it—until it suddenly leaped from the candle into my face. I jumped, and then I turned the candle around to make the monster go away, but another monster took its place. I turned the candle again and again, but a different monster appeared each time, and it never occurred to me to stop looking at them. Then I realized that everyone had stopped talking. When I looked up, eleven smug monsters with lying smiles on their evil faces were staring at me.

With a Marlboro held high in one hand and a Miller High Life in the other, my monster mother drawled in her best drunk Southerner accent, “Boy, I think that stuff has affected your brain.” Everyone laughed. Everyone, that is, but her and me. Another monster asked if I was okay, and I nodded because I wanted them to stop looking at me, to stop thinking about me, to stop knowing that I was even there, because what I was seeing and what I was feeling was too personal to share with people whom I didn’t trust, even if I had been able to talk. It’s always mistrust that shuts me down, that balls me up, that makes me leave parties. It’s knowing that my reality isn’t “normal.” Yet, what is “normal” but society’s demonic child, and society is bullshit. All societies all the time are bullshit, and, that night I could no longer carry on the illusion of being an oh-so-normal person at an oh-so-normal party in an oh-so-normal society. This meant that there was there was no reason for me to stay, yet I was too balled-up to get out of my chair and, besides, I had no place to go.

Later, I found myself in bed, and out of the darkness came colors and patterns that flashed and revolved before my eyes. They comforted and delighted me all night long, and it was very good. When the darkness turned to gray, I went outside in the already muggy heat and sat atop a truck cab. There was a grove of water oaks nearby, and I watched them do a joy dance as the gray turned to blue and the sun moved down their branches. Then, other people got up, and called to me and looked for me, and when they found me, the trees no longer danced, and the kaleidoscope of night no longer comforted me, and I too had turned back into bullshit. People ruin things. That’s mostly what people are good for.

I have been blessed by hallucinogenics. I regret nothing. I would do them all again.

The art is called “Dizzy Thorns” and is by a fellow named Marcello from Potenza, Italy. Blow it up, and and stare at it for a few minutes. When the nausea, the fear, and the exhilaration become too much, you can turn away; but what if you couldn’t; what if it became your entire reality, and you didn’t know if it would ever go away?


The Elephant's Child said...

I'm so sorry Snow. I hoped that we hadn't heard from you for a little while because life had improved and you were off enjoying it.
Just for a change (not) this post reminded me of things I have buried. I am not good at large parties, or lots of people. When drugs, alcohol and loud music are involved I cope even less well. So, at parties I couldn't easily leave I used to climb into the nearest wardrobe and quietly shut the door. And often stayed there for hours.

Snowbrush said...

Child said: "So, at parties I couldn't easily leave I used to climb into the nearest wardrobe and quietly shut the door."

Wow, that's tough. I'm so very sorry. What I find with pot--in such situations--is that it takes what is probably a fairly normal amount of social discomfort, and magnifies it by a thousand. It can do this because, for much of my life, I was morbidly shy in many situations.

None of my followers appear on my blog page tonight, and I have no idea why. I hate it when stuff like that happens.

All Consuming said...

Oh hon I do feel for you. I've used pot in the past and in my experience it's important to keep away from grass and only smoke the solid stuff. Don't have it with tobacco, if possible look into a water bong, they're less harsh or just use a pipe. Grass has always had bad side effects for me, whereas 'black' as I call the solid stuff never failed to send me asleep and definitely helped the pain. I stopped taking it because I became, I felt, addicted to it. I couldn't sleep without it at all. I didn't use it socially because it sent me to sleep and made me way too groggy. I don't think you need worry about the addiction of course, all I want is for you to get some pain relief that works. I would also say, if you haven't tried it (bad, bad memory sorry), that you should try a hypnotherapist who has a good reputation. They can do wonders too. I'm sorry to hear you're so low my dear, thinking of you and sending all the virtual hugs I have xxx

rhymeswithplague said...

I was at my grandson's baseball game and didn't read this post until Friday morning.

I have never been a part of what you call "normal society" -- in fact, it seems definitely abnormal to me, but what do I know? I just have never been attracted to dark, smoky, crowded rooms filled with loud music or drunk people. I wouldn't know where to find drugs if I wanted them. I don't want to come across as judgmental; I guess I have led a very sheltered life.

I suppose medical marijuana has its purposes, but as you have so clearly pointed out, it has its downsides too.

rhymeswithplague said...

I'm also thinking maybe you concocted this whole fictional episode just so you could write the phrase "my monster mother"....

The Blog Fodder said...

I'm here. Wondered where you had got to. Your post is something I can't relate to, having never done drugs. didn't sound like a good time. Also I thought you were raised Southern Baptist sort of. Your mother doesn't sound very Southern Baptist.
Yes, there is something lovely about yellow roses and I cannot get my camera to pick up all the subtleties of those blooms.

ellen abbott said...

I'm sorry you are still in so much pain. I thought the surgery was supposed to make it better.

I have smoked a lot of pot in my life, some very good stuff and some not so good, but it never made me hallucinate. I had to take acid and psilocybin for that. And I never had a 'bad trip' and I've been shy and mostly anti-social all my life. what it did do was shut me up like a clam. couldn't pry more than a few words out of me while I was tripping. If I smoked too much pot, it would just put me to sleep.

I hope it gives you some relief.

Robin said...

Oh Snow, although I have been so immersed in Opera these past months, I HAVE been aware you were not visiting any of your blogging friends. I was hoping this was because you and Peggy were both feeling better and getting out for some overnight treks.

Although I am sad you are going through (and have gone through) so much pain for so long a time, I must tell you this was an exraordinarily well written post.
I am sure those closer to you have suggested it, but have you thought about writing a book based on your life....and what living with pain is like? You have the writing skills - and it might be a great release for you. (And hey, smoking pot will most likely enhance your already colourful prose!)

Thinking of you always....and saying "you-know-what" for release from all that pain...

Big hugs to you, the wonderful Peggy, Brewsky and Blue.

Your friend in San Francisco,

♥ Robin ♥

Snowbrush said...

All Con said: "Grass has always had bad side effects for me, whereas 'black' as I call the solid stuff never failed to send me asleep and definitely helped the pain."

My dear Michelle, do you mean hashish?

Rhymes said: "I suppose medical marijuana has its purposes, but as you have so clearly pointed out, it has its downsides too."

Pot affects me more strongly than it does most people, and even more strongly than other hallucinogenics I've had. Yet, I don't recall another time when I had outright hallucinations (on pot). The more one is afraid, the more profoundly such drugs affect him, which is why large social gatherings were not a good venue for me to smoke, yet I often did so.

Fodder said: "I thought you were raised Southern Baptist sort of. Your mother doesn't sound very Southern Baptist."

Church of Christ, actually. Mississippi is dominated by Southern Baptists, though, and this meant that it was legally dry, although bootleggers operated openly everywhere--even in towns. This openness made it easier for kids to buy liquor than in places where age laws were enforced. I became a heavy drinker at age 15, and always bought my own booze with no questions asked.

Ellen said: " I thought the surgery was supposed to make it better."

All three surgeries were "supposed" to make it better. Shoulder problems are among the most painful and intractable of joint issues.

Robin said: "have you thought about writing a book based on your life....?"

I would love to if only I had someone to handle the business end. I quit writing magazine articles years ago because, as I saw it, I could write, or I could publish, but I couldn't find it in me to do both.

Myrna R. said...

It's hard being alone with our pain. I hope you find whatever soothes it.

If it's any comfort - I really think your writing is superb.

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

Interesting!! I haven't heard of someone hallucinating on pot!

Marion said...

Do whatever you have to, Snow, to find some surcease from pain. I use medical weed; most times it works, both for sleep and being able to stand the constant pain. There are also teas available in herbal shops, some of which work for me as well.

This is such a raw, honest post...I feel privileged to read it. Big hugs to you...

River said...

I'm sorry you are in so much pain Snow. But is marijuana really an option when it does such bad things to you? Is there really no other option. Have you considered or are you allowed morphine?

Rob-bear said...

I continue to live with chronic pain and chronic depression — though nothing as bad as yours. I've never tried cannabis, either recreationally or for pain management, so I cannot comment on your experiences, except to say that they're sad.

I do hope something in your life changes for the better.

Strayer said...

I've used pot I think three or four times in my life. The first time, was living in a basement apartment of my boss in Alaska and someone for fun put pot in the brownies but didn't tell naive me. I ate four and thought I was going to die.

But, the last two times, being years ago, I hallucinated badly, just wanted to curl up and enjoy them and if people came around, bad news, paranoia. Tolerance, people develop it to pot and get severe addictions. Have met many horrible pot addicts whose entire days and nights are consumed in finding money for their next hit, then locating their dealer. I don't know much more about it, except potheads are not good conversationalists.

Snowbrush said...

Myra said: "If it's any comfort - I really think your writing is superb."

It is, Myra. Thank you.

Creekhiker said: "I haven't heard of someone hallucinating on pot!"

See Strayer's comment. I've had acid (three times) and psilocybin (twice), but never hallucinated on those. Such experiences are partly the result of the drug and partly the result of the environment.

Marion said: "This is such a raw, honest post...I feel privileged to read it. Big hugs to you..."

Oh, thank you, Marion.

River said: "Have you considered or are you allowed morphine?"

Oxycodone and Dilaudid is stronger than morphine when taken orally, and, like morphine, one builds up a tolerance. Narcotics are simply not a good longterm option for pain.

Rob-bear said: "I do hope something in your life changes for the better."

Rob-bear, my old and estranged friend, I'm so glad you came by. What you wish for me WOULD be nice, and I'm not entirely without reason to hope for better days ahead. Yet, I can't say that my experiences over the past several years have been entirely a waste, and I suspect that the same is true for you.

Strayer: "I hallucinated badly, just wanted to curl up and enjoy them and if people came around, bad news, paranoia."

You're like me, Strayer. I've no doubt but that people who are social lions without pot would be the life of the party while smoking it. The drug just accentuates whatever people are without it.

Strayer said: "Have met many horrible pot addicts whose entire days and nights are consumed in finding money for their next hit..."

I never understood people who wanted to smoke pot continually because doing so eliminates the psychedelic aspect of the drug that made smoking it worthwhile to me. When I tried smoking pot all day long for a few days, I just felt sleepy, which is how people who like to smoke it that way usually look, although I knew a fellow who went all the way through the Oregon State University bachelors and masters program in forestry and graduated with honors, yet he smoked pot heavily the whole time. He literally wrote every paper that he ever turned in while smoking pot. I asked him what he got from the drug, and he said it relaxed him. In my experience, alcohol, which is legal, ruins lives whereas pot, which is illegal, doesn't. Of course, it most definitely appears to make most users less ambitious, but it could be that they would be that way without pot, and that their lack of ambition makes them more susceptible to abusing it. People err, I believe, in thinking that all drug users are the same, or that the drugs necessarily make them the way they are.

nollyposh said...

Yep! That's what it did to me and why i never did it again! (Luckily i was with a friend who found me unable to speak at the trunk of a tree outside the party and picked me up and took me home! Never again i still say!)

nollyposh said...

(Ps) (((Hugs)))

Selina Kingston said...

I felt so overwhelmed reading your post. I can't imagine what you must be going through, although I can see very well how it starts as I identify with how something that someone says can cause a sinking into that black hole of escape, comfort, despair...whatever it is. The excruciating pain that you suffer of course takes it all to a realm that is beyond my understanding but I can see from your eloquent writing how you are affected. I wish I knew what to suggest to make it better. Please know that I am thinking of you and if I were with you I would give you the longest, warmest hug. Take care of you x

Linda said...

I'm new to your blog but I find it so totally refreshing that I'll be back. As for pot, I'm like you with it anymore. Although, I credit Peyote for changing my life for the better and will always be grateful for the experience. Enough of drugs.
I'm sorry to hear you are in pain a lot. I relate to the depression also. God bless Nietzsche.

Strayer said...

I never thought about it that way, Snow, about the different users. The pot addicts I've run into, like a woman who lost job after job, for smoking pot on breaks or being late or not showing up to work, lived in a camp trailer outside her parents house, as an adult, free loading off them, until they kicked her off the property. But would she have done anything, if she wasn't a pot addict. I don't know.

When I talk to someone who goes on and on, then off on tangents, and never seems to register me in the conversation and later I find out they are a pothead, then it makes sense.

I don't see doing any drug daily because it's a waste because I develop tolerance and have to take it more frequently for same effect. Take coffee. I drink one cup a day as a measure to both enjoy that one cup and the zing it delivers, and as a cost effective thing. If I drank lots each day, I'd be drinking lots every day to get a zing which would take time and a lot more coffee.

Wine in Thyme said...

Excellent. You described perfectly one reason why I don't smoke pot anymore. You captured that total feeling of dreadfulness and paranois and just utter panic and anxiety. Ugh. Hated the way I felt, HATED it. Never smoked much, never bought it, but the other two reasons I quit are - 1-it's still illegal and I have to work for a living and 2 - the last time I smoked I got pregnant.

Wine in Thyme said...

Don't mean to be rude, so let me offer my murmurs of sympathy as well. If pot eases your pain, smoke it up.
I don't believe you really believe that people are mostly good for ruining things. Your blog friends show you time and time again that you are wrong. For whatever reason, we like/admire/hate/question you but we don't keep coming back to ruin things for you. Peace to you.

Robert the Skeptic said...

I've never smoked marijuana or consumed any drug not prescribed by a physician. Back in the 70's people called me a "narc" because I wouldn't imbibe - the reality was that I was afraid to put stuff in my body that I didn't know anything about.

I have a dear friend now who is treating pain with marijuana. It seems to be working for him, but there is something that has left the relationship between us that I just can't put my finger on.

Strayer said...

Snow, got up, stomach issues, and was reading an article someone sent on theoretical reasons cats purr. This article states it has to have evolutionary significance and goes on to cite the differences in healing between dogs and cats, in bone, ligament, joint, lung and post surgical (any surgery). The differences are astounding. Cats heal themselves quicker somehow. The conclusion of the article is that purring is the reason cats can heal quickly especially bones, tendons, etc. And the researchers also compared new research about duplicating the effects of running without running with low frequency vibration.

Long story short, Snow, you need to purr, to heal and reduce your shoulder injury, or, artificially purr, by subjecting your painful area to 20 to 50 khz deep vibration. Not kidding. One quote from the article: In Summery:

"Vibrations between 20-140 Hz are therapeutic for bone growth/fracture healing, pain relief/swelling reduction, wound healing, muscle growth and repair/tendon repair, mobility of joints and the relief of dyspnea.

We think that this research could help explain why cats purr, and here is why:

Fauna Communications has recorded many cats' purrs, at a non-profit facility and the Cincinnati Zoo , including the cheetah, puma, serval, ocelot and the domestic house cat. After analysis of the data, we discovered that cat purrs create frequencies that fall directly in the range that is anabolic for bone growth.

· The dominant and fundamental frequency for three species of cats' purrs is exactly 25 Hz, or 50 Hz the best frequencies for bone growth and fracture healing. All of the cats purrs all fall well within the 20 - 50 Hz anabolic range, and extend up to 140 Hz.. All the cats, except the cheetah have a dominant or strong harmonic at 50 Hz."

The Tusk said...

Interesting the reference to 50Hz, which is what the Cycles of herz that comes out of the wall in Europe as opposed to the 60 Herz which come out of the wall in America. This difference in Hz in the television industry is known as the difference of NTSC versus PAL. Whether there is better bone growth in Europe as opposed to America is a study that hasn't been covered in this Blog. Point two to be made is, if it is bone growth and strength that we are concerned about then I would have to prescribe an immediate withdrawl from Flouride toothpaste, because we all know that beside being a Rat Poison used to keep rats out of our water supplies, but it is a cause of severe bone decay, which has been proven by many working for our own Food and Drug Administration and factually shown in many foriegn countries and European Villages.

The peyote remarks were well recieved, as the comment on blak weed being Hash. An Opiate for Pain?

A major topic of the blog seemed to be Pain be it physical or emotional scarring, how do we protect ourselves from it whether it come at us from self inducement from drugs in combination with a verbal bashing or whether it be from physical deterioriation from our ecsoskeletan or such.

To address the social interaction while we are imbibed on marijuana has always been a fun one to rehash with friends in those rememebr when or wish you were their moments. We start smoking pot and the first time is the same for everyone, we loosen up and everything seems funny, it really doesn't matter what we say the Irony that Is Life is evident to us and we realize that God and his like is having a good laugh at watching our actions and we seem to figure the whole element of life out a little differently. We take a different view at reality it is obvious and evident to us at the time that we are high, as it is called, when we come down whether we return to our past reality or take a new view of our reality, I think is different for all of us. At the turning point of whether we decide we prefer the addiction to the harsh reality of coming down is when a new set of paranoia that may take hold. Its the reference to coming down, that is made monumental in our socialization of the drug. In defence of this present paranoia, one may say the best high is a downer, thus peyote or Qualude may be the preference, both I believe Halucinogenic. So 'wow man you are bringing me down', begins the paranoia of no longer being on the high.

In reference to teas, aroma therapy and additives to your teas. Recently stated in this morning news Cinnamon extract appears to be a cure to Alzheimers and the onset and advancement of the disease. It also has been known to be bad for the liver.

One item I have found to be actively removed from the Internet and its masking of searches by similar nemonics and verication of initials is the well known brother drug of LSD, a naturally harvested honey from early Greece and before,
a green honey mead, not to be confused or construed with our golden honey harvests of today. This Honey is made from the Rhododendrum and Mountain Laurel plant by the honeybees and is the only Green Honey they make. It is known as LSA. Whenever I google it i get Legs spread apart. But it was there once because I saved in a cache. Its my belief the Greatful Dead Bear was in search of this in Australia as a natural medicinal.

I'll leave you with that my grizzly friend.

Snowbrush said...

Nollyposh said: " That's what it did to me and why i never did it again!"

And it's why I did. There's both and fear and an almost irresistible attraction in it for me. By the way, I'm not surprised that it affected you as it did. A question though. Now that you're fighting cancer, are you tempted to try pot again?

Selina said: "if I were with you I would give you the longest, warmest hug."

Thank you, Selina.

Linda said: "God bless Nietzsche."

Because he was depressed? I don't know a great deal about him, but I had understood that his breakdown was probably caused by syphilis.

Strayer, perhaps you've heard about the studies which show that coffee drinkers aren't any more alert than non-coffee drinkers unless, of course, they haven't had their coffee in which case they're definitely less alert. That said, I drink about five cups a day, and would drink much more if it didn't make my legs twitch while I'm trying to sleep. Would you believe it, I actually have drugs that stop the twitching, but it would seem rather silly to use them just so I could drink an inordinate amount of coffee.

Wine said: "I don't believe you really believe that people are mostly good for ruining things."

Both heaven and hell lie largely in my relationships with other people. They all, everyone of them, disappoint me, yet I don't know that I could survive the loss of one of them--my wife, Peggy--and I would be very sad to be without a few others, including some of my blog buddies. What keeps me going despite living with so much pain is my knowledge that I'm important to others and that I have good things to give to others. ...I sometimes record feelings that may or may not reflect how I view something all of the time.

Robert said: "I was afraid to put stuff in my body that I didn't know anything about."

You have a valid point, certainly, but it's also true that many of the prescription drugs that people take are far more dangerous than marijuana (which, so far as I know, has never killed a single person), and I'll also point out that prescription drugs can be adulterated too. There was recently a big scandal following dozens of deaths due to drugs prescribed by people's physicians and filled at their local pharmacies.

Strayer, I don't doubt that cats' ability to purr might have healing effects, but I'm less clear how humans could benefit from it. Maybe we could buy CDs of cats purring, I'd sure be in line for one on the basis of what you wrote because, after all, even if it didn't work for humans as it appears to work for cats, I would still enjoy it. As a matter of fact, I'm going to see if I can find one online.

Phoenix said...

Snow - I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. I too, was noticing that you hadn't popped up lately and was definitely fearing the worst. To live with pain like that... I can't imagine, and I hope whatever you try works in easing your suffering.

My brothers got into drugs early on when I was a little girl and I must confess it really turned me against drugs. It's hard for me to imagine just being able to relax and enjoy pot for its own sake when so much of my memories of it come with strong emotional baggage. I am definitely not someone who isn't willing to try something new (or who judges others who do) but I think in this instance I'm just not ready yet.

I am wishing you a healthy, speedy recovery and a good night's rest.

kylie said...

hang in there, my friend! i want to meet you someday

Lorraina said...

Snow, i am so sorry to hear this as i thought like the others; no new posts meant good news. Thanks for commenting on my blog; i've just been so terribly busy the past few weeks mainly with that flippin Casey Anthony trial i've become obsessed with watching for 8 or 9 hrs a day. Crazy obsessions can help with the pain sometimes.I do think of you often. You write so well and sure do set the scene so brilliantly i thought i was there and sort of feel like i've missed out on a few things! I really hope you can continue to write as you heal; it takes time my friend. I might not be the first one to arrive but will be here eventually.
Not sure if my suggestions will have any worth. First, have you tried Tequila? I don't drink or do street drugs myself but know some who do so i asked. Tequila apparently works in a totally different way than any other alcohol. I've also been informed that medicinal mj is no good and to get the real thing and if it's been awhile since you've done it you might get a totally dif effect now.Not suggesting both at once, try separately as of course the effect with Oxycodone is not known but i'm sure it's not good to do too much stuff at once.
Take care Snow, i hope you get a good sleep and find the strength to get something to manage the pain asap.

Snowbrush said...

Lorraina said: "i've just been so terribly busy the past few weeks mainly with that flippin Casey Anthony trial i've become obsessed with watching for 8 or 9 hrs a day."

Wow! I would go stark raving mad. Of course, I did watch "The Hurt Locker" three times last week because, hey, when a movie is THAT good, an appreciation for the genius that went into creating it just keeps coming at you as you pick up nuances that you missed.

Lorraina said: "Tequila apparently works in a totally different way than any other alcohol."

Two problems. One is that I would need to drink an inordinate amount of booze everyday. The second is that all alcoholic drinks contain ethyl alcohol. In other words, the alcohol in tequila is no different than the alcohol in beer, vodka, or wine. So, my best guess is that the common belief that tequila somehow makes you drunk differently is a self-fulfilling prophecy. We humans are prone to that kind of thing. For instance, darn near every night-shift hospital nurse you will ever meet will swear that things go crazy when there's a full moon (my wife being one of them), yet there's nothing to it according to the number or type of hospital admissions or incidents.

Hi, Kylie, are you back Down Under already?

Snowbrush said...

Oh, Phoenix, I'm so sorry. Your response was out of sight at the top of the screen, so I overlooked it. Yeah, people who grew up in homes where substance abuse was a problem tend to either hate being around the stuff that was abused, or else they themselves become addicts, so I can well understand your attitude.

rhymeswithplague said...

My night-shift hospital-nurse wife agrees with Peggy. Mrs. RWP spent the last few years of ner career in Neo-Natal ICU and always said more babies were born during a full moon. My response was that their parents got amorous (translation: busy) during the full moon nine months (ten lunar cycles) before.

Strayer said...

A CD of a cat purring can't help you, that was not my point. My point was, in that study I sent you, the author suggested cats would not purr if that trait had no evolutionary survival significance. His hypothesis is that the low frequency vibrations of purrs (between 30 and 130 Hz) aid the cats body in healing. Now sports medicine is utilizing low frequency vibration, applied to the human body, for application with athletes and muscle, bone, tendon, ligament, nerve injury healing and to reduce human pain.

You won't get 30 to 130 Hz vibration deep into your shoulder from a cat purring CD.

Strayer said...


I found the above very expensive low frequency pain relief "vibrator" online, but the frequencies are far lower than the "cat Purr" pain and healing.

Maybe you should visit a porn shop to view their extensive vibrator inventories. Check their vibration frequency, purchase several, of different range!

I think the theory that applied low frequency vibration to human joints, bones, injuries and for pain relief is still in its experimental stage. Frequencies that may help a cat heal or reduce a cats' pain, thru its purr, may not be the same frequencies that would help do the same in a human. You could experiment on yourself!

Vagabonde said...

I am sure you have read all the pain management articles but I wonder, have you looked into the cyclists who constantly get their collarbone broken and other areas of their bodies? I watch the Tour de France and can see how badly they injure themselves, then they come back to cycling – they must have some method? That kind of pain you have must be terrific – both my knees hurt, almost all the time, but apart from waking me up at night when I turn over, at least I can sleep. How about some type of meditation? I would take anything that makes you more comfortable as long as it won’t hurt you in the long run.

Joe Todd said...

One less thing to worry about: Miracle-Gro in Medical Marijuana Field "I want to target the pot market,"

Snowbrush said...

Tusk, your response went to spam for some unknown reason, and I just found it. You touch upon what could become several books, and, my friend, I haven't the mental momentum to do it justice. What "highs" work best seems to be determined by personality as far as I can determine. I read recently that sociopaths are especially attracted to meth, and I've also noted that bubbly people seem to prefer uppers whereas quiet people like downers, and so it seems that we are are drawn to that which reflects what we already are. As for LSD, is it really a hallucinogen or is it more akin to speed? I've read the latter, and since I have hallucinated on speed--though not on LSD--I wouldn't be surprised but what it's true.

Strayer said: "A CD of a cat purring can't help you..."

I'm listening to one of my cat purr downloads right now. As you pointed out, it's the vibrational frequency rather than the sound that works, but, what the hell, the sound is pleasing to me, and it certainly can't hurt. I already have a vibrator, thank you, but it's hard for me to hold it to one bad shoulder using my other bad shoulder. I wonder if ultrasound is at a similar frequency--do you have any information about that? I see yet another PT in an hour, so I'll ask him.

Joe said: "Miracle-Gro in Medical Marijuana Field "I want to target the pot market,"

It could come to that. Pot will be legalized eventually. I would bet the farm on it--no pun intended.

Vagabonde, I'm not one to meditate. I like the idea of it, and I've read a few books about it, but I don't last ten minutes. As for methods for healing breaks, I don't know that there are any special methods used by competitive athletes, although they might be expected to have the best doctors and to be in the best shape for healing. I'll also point out that some bone and joint problems are far easier than others to heal, and shoulders and backbones are the ones that are most likely to be an ongoing problem.

Rhymes said: "Mrs. RWP spent the last few years of ner career in Neo-Natal ICU and always said more babies were born during a full moon."

Give me some stats, Rhymes. You know how it is with anecdotal evidence (I just offered some in my response to Tusk); it's occasionally valid, but it's not one percent as impressive as scientifically gathered data, and everything I've read about nurse observations leads me to believe that they're simply seeing what they expect to see.

rhymeswithplague said...

I have no stats. I have Mrs. RWP, and that is good enough for me. All the scientifically gathered data in the world isn't as impressive as knowing her.

Oregon MedPot RN said...

I didn't read through all the comments so if this has been covered then ignore it. You need to do some research on CDB and CBN in relationship to THC content of different marijuana strains. These components contribute to the side effects some people experience with marijuana such as paranoia and anxiety. I suffer from severe social anxiety not from the marijuana but just in general and I have found through testing and research strains that work the best for anti-anxiety. I haven't taken my ativan for almost two years now and I used to have to take it any time I left my house. I still find when trying new strains that some make my anxiety worse and so I don't use those specific strains. There is so much to chose from in Oregon and such well manufactured well researched strains, we are very lucky to live here. You can find cafes and clubs around Portland with 25-50 different strains and the grower right there to explain the effects, side effects etc of their medication. Also when you first start don't do it at a party, think of it like any of your other prescription "pills" and use it as you would those medications, at home in your comfort zone!