I think a lot, and I can’t help but
notice that what I think is more interesting than what other people think. I’m
aware, of course, that other people might disagree, but that just shows you how
wrong they can be.
|A rare good picture of both of us. I like being married|
to a woman who still looks hot at age 63.
Three weeks ago, Father Brent wrote
that we should get together again, and he proposed last week as a good time. A lot was going on in his life, so I
heard nothing more from him, which was fine, but I wrote to him that when we
do talk again, I would like for him to read my last blogpost
first because it represents my best effort to say why I’m coming to his church. After trying to find it on Google, he admitted that he didn’t
have my blog address anymore. Because of how extremely interesting my blog is, I was
disappointed in him about this, but I expect so little of people anyway that it
didn’t really matter. I still think he’s a good man in terms of caring about
people, and that’s what’s important. It’s also why I couldn’t be a priest. Of
course my atheism would be deal-killer right off the bat, but even without that
obstacle, my poorly disguised antipathy for humanity would keep me out of the
I really don’t know what to think
about how cold I am. Like with that Ebola epidemic in Africa. I can’t help but
think that the vanishing wildlife of Africa would be greatly helped if several
million people died, so this makes me think that it would be for the best if
they did die, what with the non-human animal population dropping by half in
just the last thirty years. You might ask how I would feel if the epidemic were
in America. Well, I would just shit, but that doesn’t negate my point.
I went to the back doctor this week
for what I thought might be my last visit. My back hurts all the time from my
upper shoulder blades down to either side of my crackie, and I had hoped he
might be able to do something about it, but I’ve had enough experience with
doctors to doubt that he could, and I was right. He always orders an x-ray, and this one showed that my broken vertebra is continuing to collapse. It was at 21% three
months ago and at 24% now. He says that if it reaches 30, I’ll need a surgery
called pedicle subtraction osteotomy with thoracolumbar fusion. This means that
he re-breaks my back, rebuilds the vertebra, and fuses four of the surrounding vertebra.
I naturally wanted to know more, but he said it’s still too early to talk about
it, and that doing so would only upset me. I took this to mean that he had’t even told me the worst of it, so I came home and googled the
surgery, and found that he really hadn’t told me the worst. I won’t say
anything more because it’s still too early to talk about it, and I woudn’t want to upset you. Ha.
I’ve been taking a lot of narcotics
lately, not to mention Ambien, Neurontin, and Cymbalta. I take the last three drugs
at night and the narcotics during the day. 30 mgs of oxycodone (three to six
times the starting dose) doesn’t slow me down, but it does it make it easier to
keep going, both in terms of pain control and mood. I drive, run power tools, ride my
bike, prune trees from ladders (no, I wasn’t on oxycodone when I fell last year),
clean roof gutters while leaning forward on a sloping surface, and so on without
feeling unsafe. The drug probably makes some difference in my
performance, but other than problems with memory, I’m unaware of any.
I’ve thought a lot about narcotics
over the years because I take so many of them, and because they’re supposed to
be such a horrible thing. Given how well I function, I think it likely that the
worst problems addicts face are simply getting their drug and having to worry about being caught. Certainly,
marijuana and alcohol both have a more detrimental affect on my abilities than do
narcotics, so I would assume that the same is probably true for addicts.
Obviously, narcotics are a health risk, but to repeat myself, so is overeating,
and a lot of other things. I can but say that so far, knock on wood, my energy
level is fairly good considering that I’m kept awake by pain for a significant
portion of every single night, and if I’m developing organ problems, I’m
unaware of it.
I’ll tell you, though, I’m low right
now. I did so good on my fencing project that I was encouraged to think I might
do okay with emptying out our large living room, dining room, and hallway, removing the old carpet,
painting the walls, and then having new carpet installed. The first thing I did
was to move about fifty shelf-feet of books into the garage, and I was in more
shoulder pain that night than I’ve been in a long time, maybe years. I was
planning to move the furniture the next day, and had asked our friends,
Lee and Robin, to give Peggy and me a hand with the big pieces, but I was in so
much pain that I didn’t even try to move the little pieces. It’s an awful thing
to watch other people do my work, but I have to stay in good enough shape to
tear out the carpet and wash and paint the walls, and I knew that if I moved
furniture, I might be in too much pain to do the rest. So, while they worked, I
babysat with their little girl, Sidney, aka my granddaughter. That needs some
Lee and Robin were Jehovah’s Witnesses
before they became atheists, and when they left the JW, their families, being filled with the love of Christ and all, naturally shunned them. When Sidney was born, they shunned her too, the damned little sinner. Even before she was born, Lee and Robin named
Peggy and me Sidney’s grandparents, and Lee told me that in the unlikely
event that his parents should come back into his life, I would still be
Sidney’s grandpa. I probably love Sidney as well as I would if she were the
offspring of the son or daughter that I never had (how can anyone not fully love a little child?), but as much as I care about
her, Peggy is invested several times over. I find it poignant and worrisome to see
how much she needs that kid in her life.
Peggy is off for a long weekend with
two friends for their 20th annual “Girls’ Weekend Away.” When she’s home,
Brewsky has to sleep in the laundry room because he keeps her awake. When she’s
gone, he sleeps wherever he pleases, and this weekend has been the first time
that he spent most of each night in
bed with me. I’m awake so much that he gets a lot of petting during the wee
hours, and sometimes, he’ll even wake me up just to be petted. That’s what
Peggy objects to, but I don’t mind it, at least for a few nights. After having
him for four years, I’ve finally become enough attached to him that I actually think I might miss him if he died as much as I would miss a dog.
Well, that’s enough of a check-in. I’ve got to clean house and finish getting ready to paint because the carpet is coming next week.