Remington Review winter 2022 - Check out my poem, Kicking Clouds in Remington Review's winter 2022 issue! I'm still flipping through the issue but am in love with Besjana Kryeziu's a...
The Mississippi Agricultural and Mechanical College Test of Intelligence, Personality, and Sexual Desirability
Directions: Answer all questions with either a yes or a no. Do not answer the same question more than once to inflate your score.
1) Do you question whether talking films were really an improvement?
2) Do you go to bed at night anticipating your morning coffee?
3) Do you laugh so hard that you cry over things that other people don’t find funny?
4) If you were your dog, would you want the person who you are to be your master?
5) Do you identify equally with Don Quixote and Sancho Panza?
6) Do you make up songs and sing them to your dog? If you don’t have a dog, do you make up songs and sing them to other people’s dogs?
7) Do you plan to give generously to charity, but only after you’re dead?
8) Is your wife glad she doesn’t understand you because she worries what it would say about her if she did?
9) Did you develop an inferiority complex because your shrink didn’t treat you for free for the privilege of writing you up in a professional journal?
10) Did you spend some of your happiest moments working in tight places like attics and crawlspaces, places that scare the bejesus out of almost everyone you know?
11) Is your idea of a really good time digging holes in your backyard in the hope of uncovering Atlantis, or at least a mastodon fossil or an arrowhead?
12) When you are through digging holes in your backyard, do you clean and oil your shovel and tuck it in for the night?
Score eight and one third points for each yes answer. Score zero for each no answer. A score of 100 means that you are smarter than God and more personable, desirable and moral than anyone else in the whole world. A score of less than 100 means that you are a hopeless twit. Put your answer in the blank following this paragraph, replacing the answer of the person who sent you the test. Only send the test to the person who sent it to you and to other people who you think are as smart, attractive, and personable as yourself. Otherwise, you risk being the subject of bitter envy. If you don’t believe that this is a valid test, you clearly scored less than 100.
Posted by Snowbrush