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I’ve been awfully sick of late. I finally went to the doctor
on Thursday and took the following list of symptoms. The list also included
some things I’m doing to better deal with the pain because I’m absolutely on
the edge of falling apart at times. It’s a little hard for me to share the following because it’s so personal, but I’m not going to let embarrassment about
who I am and how I deal with things inhibit my free expression. For one thing,
I almost never get anything but positive reactions on this blog no matter what
I post, and for another, I know that when people react negatively to what I
share, it tells me more about who they are than who I am. I know that most of you
are more reticent than I, and that’s fine, but if you’re coming
here, you’re obviously open to me being different. I can’t even tell you why
I’m different, and I don’t care enough to think about it because I accept
myself this way, and I know that all of my regular readers
do too. You guys are among my best friends.
As for the doctor, he looked at the list, complimented me on the things I’m doing, and said he was going to run tests on me for everything but pregnancy. I’ve haven’t gotten the results yet because I couldn’t get the tests done until yesterday—Friday. My doctor, Kirk, is but four months younger than my age of 67 (my birthday is in March, and his in July), and I worry about him because he’s looking feeble. I love and respect Kirk to the point that if he ever needed anything, I would be there for him if I could. There are few blessings in life that are better than a good relationship with a doctor, and few curses that are worse than a bad one. I’ve had doctors I adored, and I’ve had doctors I wanted to shoot because when you’re hurting, scared, and vulnerable, and your doctor is uncaring or incompetent, the former constitutes a betrayal that you never forget, and the latter can kill you. But enough. Here’s my list:
As for the doctor, he looked at the list, complimented me on the things I’m doing, and said he was going to run tests on me for everything but pregnancy. I’ve haven’t gotten the results yet because I couldn’t get the tests done until yesterday—Friday. My doctor, Kirk, is but four months younger than my age of 67 (my birthday is in March, and his in July), and I worry about him because he’s looking feeble. I love and respect Kirk to the point that if he ever needed anything, I would be there for him if I could. There are few blessings in life that are better than a good relationship with a doctor, and few curses that are worse than a bad one. I’ve had doctors I adored, and I’ve had doctors I wanted to shoot because when you’re hurting, scared, and vulnerable, and your doctor is uncaring or incompetent, the former constitutes a betrayal that you never forget, and the latter can kill you. But enough. Here’s my list:
Symptoms
Trembling of fingers
Difficulty keeping feet still
Muscular tension that I have no ability to control for more than a few moments at a time
Insomnia
Fatigue
Nausea
Anxiety and despair focused upon my seemingly hopeless and ever-escalating downhill slide coupled with worries about Peggy’s eventual death, our sick cat, earthquakes, crime, the world situation, etc.
Difficulty concentrating
Poor appetite
Feeling too hot one minute and too cold the next
Ten pound weight loss over ten days starting on Monday a week ago
Constipation when I take oxycodone, diarrhea when I don’t
Continuing pain in mid to upper back, both shoulders, and both knees all of which are sufficiently severe to keep me awake and make adequate exercise impossible
Back pain frequently so severe that I often find it hard to think about anything else
Increasing difficulty staying out of bed. Spent most of every day and night in bed last week, but am now able to be up, although I feel fragile and exhausted
Lack the strength to carry on usual activities, have any sort of a social life, or handle life’s common stresses
First time onset of what I assume are pollen allergies, as evidenced by sore throat and scratchy sinuses
Plans
Go to Sacred Heart Sleep Clinic tomorrow for office visit re-evaluation of BiPap settings
Start a 15-hour “Live Well with Chronic Pain” class on Monday
Start a 12-hour “Grief, Loss, and Peace” class on Wednesday
Lose another 10-pounds to hopefully avoid knee replacements
Ask you for a prescription for—and a medical certificate of necessity for a new TENS unit because Empi, the manufacturer of the old one, went out of business, so I can't get pads.
Re-visit my pain specialist on April 26 (his efforts at alleviating back pain have thus far been of little benefit, but he has had some luck with my knees).
Trembling of fingers
Difficulty keeping feet still
Muscular tension that I have no ability to control for more than a few moments at a time
Insomnia
Fatigue
Nausea
Anxiety and despair focused upon my seemingly hopeless and ever-escalating downhill slide coupled with worries about Peggy’s eventual death, our sick cat, earthquakes, crime, the world situation, etc.
Difficulty concentrating
Poor appetite
Feeling too hot one minute and too cold the next
Ten pound weight loss over ten days starting on Monday a week ago
Constipation when I take oxycodone, diarrhea when I don’t
Continuing pain in mid to upper back, both shoulders, and both knees all of which are sufficiently severe to keep me awake and make adequate exercise impossible
Back pain frequently so severe that I often find it hard to think about anything else
Increasing difficulty staying out of bed. Spent most of every day and night in bed last week, but am now able to be up, although I feel fragile and exhausted
Lack the strength to carry on usual activities, have any sort of a social life, or handle life’s common stresses
First time onset of what I assume are pollen allergies, as evidenced by sore throat and scratchy sinuses
Plans
Go to Sacred Heart Sleep Clinic tomorrow for office visit re-evaluation of BiPap settings
Start a 15-hour “Live Well with Chronic Pain” class on Monday
Start a 12-hour “Grief, Loss, and Peace” class on Wednesday
Lose another 10-pounds to hopefully avoid knee replacements
Ask you for a prescription for—and a medical certificate of necessity for a new TENS unit because Empi, the manufacturer of the old one, went out of business, so I can't get pads.
Re-visit my pain specialist on April 26 (his efforts at alleviating back pain have thus far been of little benefit, but he has had some luck with my knees).
