He’d better be glad he’s good-looking

What is it with a cat that he would run up behind his adopted mother night after night, bite her gently on the calf, hold his teeth there for a moment, and then run away as if he had achieved a notable triumph?

I’m a dog person. I’ve spent decades telling generations of dogs how to behave, and having them say, Yes, sir, right away, sir!” so I make a real effort to cut Brewsky a lot of slack due to his unfortunate catliness, but honor requires that I uphold a few reasonable standards. For instance, “Unless thou art home alone, thou shalt not miaow nonstop for thine supper starting two hours ahead of time. Disobedience to this standard will result in one squirt of water upon the offender’s person per offense.”

Brewsky gets squirted A LOT, but being a passive-aggressive little bastard, he knows how to get back at me. His eyes fixed upon mine, he will suddenly stand silent for a long moment while water drips from his fur, and I hold my weapon a foot from his nose. He will then walk right up to the nozzle, look me straight in the eye, and move his mouth as if he is miaowing but without making a sound. When he does this, I’m just screwed. All that’s left is for one of us to tire of the standoff and walk away so the game can start again.

Each night, the disharmony of the day is forgotten, and he jumps into bed for his massage. Some nights, I might talk to him a little, but the only word he reacts to is his name, it being the word that precedes meals and treats.


That corgi :) said...

I never had a cat and I live with a dog that abhors cats; I don't see a cat in our household any time soon. However, I think Brewsky knows his place in your household; maybe he really enjoys the squirts?


The Elephant's Child said...

There are two cats and two adults in this house in reality. In fact it works out that we live with four cats since they each treat us in completely different ways. Jewel climbs into my lap for pats and remains there purring and dribbling until she has had enough when she moves to the cat condo. If, and it is a big if, she sits in the lap of the smaller portion she kneads holes in his arms, until she is thrown out. She only comes to his call not mine.

Jazz bites me regularly. Purring loudly. He also mounts sneak attacks from the rear. Purring loudly. He puts his front claws into my butt and lifts his hind legs off the ground. Purring loudly. He wakes me by reaching under the bedclothes and slashing. Still purring. My blood is a feature in much of our interaction. And you can squirt him till the water is running through his fur.

He treats the smaller portion with respect. Always. Purring loudly.

There is a saying that dogs have masters and cats have servants. Nearly true, cats all too often have slaves.

Both of ours are like Brewsky very good looking. Which might be an evolutionary survival mechanism.

Bernie said...

Not a cat person Snow, love dogs. Glad to see you post, to answer your question from last post I am doing really well. The best I have been in 10 years. I gues it just took me a long time to get over the grief of losing my husband and son and then a full year of chemo, radiation and surgery.....but all is well now. I am happy. Hope you are pain free as well Snow...Hugs

Punk Chopsticks said...

I'm more of a dog person but cats still get me, every time!! Maybe it's their cutliness, maybe it's their fur. Kittens are just the best. What happened to them, though??? It's like cats and kittens are a completely different species!!!

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

I too am a dog person. But it sounds as though your training is coming along just swell. I'm sure he'll have you at his beck and call in short order!

rhymeswithplague said...

I had not thought about catliness before. It is definitely different from cattiness, which is a trait of certain humans, not felines.

ellen abbott said...

Cats are definitely not dogs and they all have definite distinct personalities.

Mad Mind said...

My dog starts insisting on dinner two hours ahead of time. Maybe she's a little bit a cat inside. And she argues with me if she is scolded. Yeah, she has a little cat inside. I'm so screwed.

Marion said...

Hey, you gotta love a cat with such ATTITUDE as Brewsky has. (You do know that cats are very much like their owners. Tee-hee...) If you ever give him away, I'll drive all the way to Oregon to come get him. I love a cat with attitude.

I have 6 cats. I had one Buddha Siamese for 20 years and when he died, I went apeshit and ended up with 6 cats...it took all six to replace his majesty, the Buddha. Last night they were all running, fighting, biting, yowling, climbing walls, scratching the furniture and wailing. The full moon does this to them every single month.

I never, ever, ever trust a person who says they hate cats. Ever. How can you hate such enlightened beings? Great write, Snow. I love it!! xo

The Blog Fodder said...

It rained at least an inch last night and Kuchma must have been fighting again as he was covered in mud. He got a bath. Not a happy cat but at least clean enough to sleep in the house for a while.

Brewsky is a smart cat. I like his passive aggressive nature. He wins.

Charles Gramlich said...

Sounds like a standoff of sorts. What personalities our pets have.

Myrna R. said...

If you have been able to control your dogs, I think that's wonderful. Cats are from an entirely different planet.

Wish you were close, I'd hire you to train my dogs, who too often behave like cats.

Snowbrush said...

"I live with a dog that abhors cats"

Me too, and she's a blue heeler who, for much of her life, would have killed many a cat in seconds if I had let her. Unfortunately for her, she's now 14, completely blind, and going deaf. This doesn't prevent her from making a serious effort to rip Brewsky's head from his body, but she's never been able to position her teeth in just the right spot when he attacks her from ambush.

"How can you hate such enlightened beings?"

Satan's spawn is more like it. Cats must be Christianized in Louisiana. Here in Oregon, they're all atheists who fear neither God nor man, and so they're completely immoral.

"Wish you were close, I'd hire you to train my dogs"

Even schnauzers will do what you tell them to do until you turn your head. Brewsky will stare me in the eye and still disobey me despite the fact that something bad always comes of it for him. This doesn't make him look terribly bright. Mark Twain said that, once burned, a cat will never again sit upon a hot stove. I don't think that's true of Brewsky, who would no doubt insist that the stove change to suit him.

"It's like cats and kittens are a completely different species!!!"

Oh, I know, and how fast they change. Brewsky was five months old when we got him, so his kittenhood seemed to fly by.

Sairs said...

This post made me smile because it is SO catlike of your cat to do that, lol. I am a cat lover, so I can visualise all that stuff you said he was doing. My current cat doesn't meow much but my old boy, he would talk all day. It was kinda disconcerting when we got Moo and she didn't meow. She never asks for dinner, she just waits until you feed her. There is a saying that goes something like, dogs have master's but cats have staff/servants. Moo gets the squirt bottle too when she's naughty!
Sarah :)

PhilipH said...

Cats tolerate humans, disdainfully at times - they are superbly lithe creatures. Dogs are easier to train and they respect humans more than cats do (usually). I've had both in the past but neither now. I wouldn't mind having a Border Collie if 'er indoors ever gave the go ahead for another pet.

OneOldGoat said...

Hilarious post! I'm more of a goat person myself but do love cats. Cats have elephantlike memories. I remember committing the unforgivable sin of not feeding my cat immediately upon waking one morning - I foolishly went to the bathroom first. That cat waited at the front door for me to come home from work and bit me on the ankle!

Beth One Old Goat

Mim said...

I love this. That cat so has your number

angela said...

That's why I love cats. They make you earn their love. And they are feisty little buggers just like me!

yoborobo said...

At least your not bored. We have three cats and two dogs. Insanity prevails.

Deb said...

Sadly I'm allergic to cats and some types of dogs so I don't have animals. But I do wish I could have one for the simple pleasure of those funny moments I see with pet owners who share their stories. They say that people live longer when they have pets - it's supposed to lower your blood pressure and overall stress. I'm so doomed!! And hell if I'm gonna get a hairless cat. Those things look evil!!!

Robin said...

I adore Brewsky! Snow, you have met your match!!!! A-ha-ha! Brewsky is gorgeous....those eyes!
And I can imagine how the two of you look when you are *eyeball-to-eyeball*....you, armed with the squirt bottle....Brewsky, big eyes glinting, water dripping off of him....it reminds me of a Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Western Showdown!

MEOWWWWWWWW!!!!! A great post!

Love to you, Peggy, Blue, and of course....*Da Brewmeister*

♥ Robin ♥

Vagabonde said...

That is a nice looking cat with great eyes. I am a cat person. We are owned by two cats right now – Cody a large red hair cat and Mitsou a grey Korat breed cat – they have such personality or should I say catsonality?

Ed Pilolla said...

hahaha! i easily have the visual of you two in confrontational mode:) yeah, you're screwed when he goes mime.

i had a dog who was supposed to stop barking when i told him. it ended up working like this: i'd say stop, he'd bark once more, then growl to his heart's content. compromising is what i called it.

Zuzana said...

Beautifully put. No matter if we are cat people or dog people, there is something enticing about cats. I love their independence and they way they keep you guessing. They have no masters and live on their terms only.;))
Great image of Brewsky.;)
Happy 2012 to you.;)

All Consuming said...

Ah yes the 'silent mew' tactic. I know it well from hubby's ex-cat and my exes cat too. (Lots of x'x there, may as well turn them into xxx). The silent mew has me in fits, but then I never had to live with them 24/7. I would do the equivalent back, mouthing words with no sound, to make the cat think it had gone deaf. How the long winter nights flew by.

Rita said...

Cats leap to the challenge of a fight...much like teenagers or toddlers when lines are drawn in the sand and the atmosphere becomes hostile. Most cats are quite intelligent and worthy enemies. I have always found that being a loving alpha works best with both dogs or cats. But I prefer cats because you have to win their hearts and trust and respect--and I love that independence you dislike. You tell a dog to sit--"yes, sir! Is this good enough?" You tell a cat to sit--"why? what's the purpose? what's in it for me?" ROFL! ;)

Just met you and I already love Brewsky and have a standoff picture in my mind that makes me giggle to no end. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. I shall return. *silent meow* ;)

kj said...

gotta agree with mim: your number is had.

i've found cats to ignore defeat.
as though it never happened.

there is a lesson in that. :^)

The Bipolar Diva said...

my husband made me get rid of my cats. I must say, i really don't miss them much. That is one good looking cat you have.

Snowbrush said...

"But I prefer cats because you have to win their hearts and trust and respect..."

I had to win over my blue heeler before she would obey me, although the trust and respect she gave me followed closely behind my complete dominance on the night that she took my food off the table with standing right there looking her in the eye.

"I have always found that being a loving alpha works best with both dogs or cats."

Well, I would agree, I suppose, but it's hard to see how that would work exactly when Brewsky starts crying for his supper two hours ahead of time. I've tried talking to him sweetly about it, and the water torture wasn't my first approach.