How did the CFI meeting go?

Good, I guess. Since no one would help facilitate, I spent hours creating a program all by myself, but the three people who previewed it thought it was too structured. I edited it down from two hours to a fifteen minute introduction, and left the rest of the meeting open for an unmoderated discussion. As soon as I finished my part, people exploded into a verbosity that made my presence pretty much redundant, and that was fine with me because, by then, I was a bit drunk. I had thought that my glass held three ounces of vodka, but it actually held four and a half—as I later realized while trying to determine why I had been so affected by so little—which meant that I was sufficiently wasted by the time I finished my introduction that I was afraid to open my mouth for fear of slurring my speech. After two years of narcotics and sleeping pills, I am sorry to report that I can no longer hold my liquor.

When everyone departed, they said they had a great time, and I had to take their word for it because I was pretty clueless myself. God at the food they left! I asked them to bring snacks, and, predictably, some brought nothing and others brought enough for five people, so there was a substantial net gain to me that consisted of sundry hors d'oeuvres, two partial bottles of wine, one full bottle of wine, three six packs of beer, three bottles of hard cider, and two liters of soft drinks (I’ll save the unopened liquor for our next meeting).

As the meeting closed, I said that I could do the Internet announcements; I could be the welcoming committee; I could do the writing; I could support people who wanted to sponsor an event; and I could host events; but everything else was best left to someone else. No one complained, so that’s where we left it. Two days later, someone offered to sponsor a book group, and we have another general meeting scheduled, so the group gives every appearance of really taking off despite our recent loss of the two people who started the Eugene chapter.

It’s both funny and sad that no matter how hard I worked to support any group that I was ever in, I always felt like an outsider. Now that I’m older than most of the people in this group, at least, I feel that way even more.


The Bipolar Diva said...

I just want to give you a hug...

TDR said...

Hi Snowbrush,
Congrats on the meeting, I am glad that it went well. Good on you for doing all the organizing, and now hopefully some of the other people who attended will now step up and start contributing. It seems like that is happening, which is awesome.

About feeling like an outsider doesn't really go away, does it? For myself, I can't say that I don't care. But I can say that I care less about it than I did. We are all alone when it comes right down to it. Maybe learning to accept that is the answer. Perhaps the feeling of togetherness that we all yearn for is illusory, and the angst we feel about it is unnecessary.

In any case, good work! I look forward to hearing more about the meetings and the CFI group's progress.

Unknown said...

I am the same way Snow...mostly because of my social anxiety LOL...But Im overcoming a lifetime battle with it...I commend ya on going out and doing something. LOL on the vodka, shoot I would be under the table sleeping for a week with 4 ozs...LOL Im a major light weight to liquor. Shoot two beers and Im tipsy lol...Love ya Snow xoxo

rhymeswithplague said...

Part of me believes every word you write, and part of me wants to believe that you are a little old lady in Dubuque who writes fiction and enjoys doing a little quilting in her spare time. And makes a mean applesauce cake.

The Tusk said...

Don't feel that all the narcotics and sleeping pills you've taken have effected your ability to hold liquor, I can say from experience that my ability to hold liquor has not been effected by Narcotics, but by age alone. You medicate because you need to. You can't hold your liquor because you are who you are at your age, like edveryone, I'm guessing we are not the risk takers we were when younger, and we are the wiser for it.

Sorry about my short blogging, I haven't found the time, from The Birth control Birthday party at 50, The Unicef party at 60 years, The Guggenheim First Best of You Tube Video First Birth, The US Ski Team Fundraiser complete with Trampolines and Vacation Getaway Auction. Alicia Keyes Save The children Black Ball, there has been plenty to write about, but no time to sit down and construct some observation. Coming up for me International Emmy's on the 22nd, always good for a sound bite that never gets coverage in the News (I'll try and quote someone) and the Black friday coverage on the day after Thanksgiving Friday at Toys-R-Us. Things I personally fixed at the hous ethis week, The Washing Machine, Broken Glass on a Window, Raked many Leaves in the hours before I needed to Work Knicks,Islanders,Knicks,Rangers.

I worked the Halloween parade, and someone gave me a Cigar, I took up smoking and quit smoking all in the same week. My only Narcotic you could say.

Life on the Surface

There is still no Oil in the tank for the burner and the nights are 38 degrees. Hope to get some soon.

Anonymous said...

I feel my most alone in a group. When I'm honestly ALONE with myself, I can accept the feeling because there is proof all around me that I am truly alone.

The feeling becomes one of despair when it occurs in a group. I've NEVER fit in, whether at church, a (ick) party, or a gathering of relatives!

Now, I even doubt I'd feel a part of the group if there was a meeting of athiests I could attend.

I gave up years ago.

Christy said...

I honestly think this is why I have a blog. I have always been the wall flower. Some of it is a self confidence issue. I have always felt more comfortable writing. I think some of that is that a large part of me is an observer. I like to take in what is around me and if I am the center of attention, I can't see anything else. It does tend to make one feel like an outsider.