The point is to get woke-up, not fucked-up

I’ve written several times about the effects of marijuana, but for each piece that I posted, there were five that I didn’t because I know that many of you have little patience for the subject. This means that when I do write, I need to make it good, yet there’s nothing harder to convey than an experience that is completely alien to others, especially when they might judge it harshly, as is often the case with my posts about drugs and atheism. 

As you go through an ordinary day, how many new thoughts or insights do you have? I have few to none when I’m straight, but I’m awash in them when I’m high. I become so adrift within myself that I never know what new shore I’m going to land upon. I find myself visiting several per hour, and the rapid-fire intensity of my visions leaves me exhausted.

One person speculated—probably whimsically—that pot might lead me to God. I actually do have experiences that are akin to mysticism, and I enjoy them, but because I don’t believe in spirits, I don't interpret them spiritually. I’m open to seeing God, but so far I’ve only seen a succession of demons. That was 30 years ago, and I didn't believe they were real even as I was looking at them, although they still scared the hell out of me (ha). More recently, I all but see music, and I do sometimes see my surroundings pulse and shimmer. Often the drug starts by enveloping me within a heavy cloak of fear and anguish, which usually gives way to such an absorption in my thoughts that I completely lose contact with the external world. To better convey the profundity of the drug, I'm going to share what a friend wrote about her experience as she was nearing the end of a bad marriage.

“I was really losing it because I didn’t know what came next; I only knew I was, by necessity, going to be losing everything and walking away from it all. My son offered me some weed…. I smoked my first bowl in 30 years…and suddenly my life looked completely different. Suddenly, I could see inside. I understood. I am not talking about the delusions we consider that seem profound at the time, but that in reality are just that—delusions. These were very real revelations about myself, and along with those revelations came the emotions, the insights, the tears, the rants, the guilt, the anxiety, and finally and essentially…the very real ME I had been keeping hidden away for years….”

Unfortunately, marijuana increases right-brain depth and self-honesty at the expense of left-brain learning, memory, and problem solving, so I mostly use it when my left brain isn't too busy. I also need to be able to stop whatever else I'm doing to write because writing becomes my obsession when I'm high. Unfortunately, very little of what I put down is ever read by anyone, including myself, and this leaves me feeling more lonely and discouraged than I might otherwise feel, but it can't be helped. As Schopenhauer wrote:

“There is some wisdom in taking a gloomy view, in looking upon the world as a kind of Hell, and in confining one's efforts to securing a little room that shall not be exposed to the fire.”

In my fantasy, all of you are here with me, and we're high. Only what do we do next--go to our separate computers and blog? Well, why the hell not? I would argue that in most cases, writing is superior to speaking, if only because it gives a person time to reflect and, hopefully, to go deeper.

About the photo. The film canister contains unground flower buds (the most desirable part of the plant); the jar contains ground flower buds that are ready to smoke; and the silver thingy is a grinder. The open-top container holds matches. The pipe was made decades ago by a friend and is about as basic as it gets, but I don't smoke a lot. I mostly simmer marijuana in butter (the odor is so strong that it spills into the yard even with the windows closed) and then use the butter to make small sugar cookies that I cut into quarters, one quarter of a cookie being as much as I would ever want. Two quarters are pictured.


PhilipH said...

Easily understood Snowy. Thanks.
I know zilch about this drug but I would definitely like to experiment, especially with the cookery aspect.
Smoking baccy is something I would not like to try, having given up this back in 1972.
I really appreciated the Schopenhauer quote and it fitted me perfectly I would say.
Cheers, Phil
PS Any chance of some "flower buds" by airmail, with recipe!!

Helen said...

... I am completely blown away by the descriptions of what that high is like. At the age of seventy, I want to feel it ~ at least once! (can't tell my 15 year old grandson who is convinced I smoked way back in the day)

kj said...

'Unfortunately, marijuana increases right-brain depth and self-honesty at the expense of left-brain learning, memory, and problem solving,'

interesting analysis, or observation? myself, i most like hearing my thoughts out loud. i like what i think.

no judgment from me, snow, that's for sure, but there is this issue about memory loss over time. i haven't seen or don't know about learning and problem solving being effected, but memory does lessen whether straight or high. might be a tiny price?

the cookie deal makes me grin :^)


Snowbrush said...

Gee, Philip and Helen, I must be a pretty good salesperson, eh?

"myself, i most like hearing my thoughts out loud."

A preference that is almost unfathomable to me because I often lose a little in my estimation of myself following a conversation. I'm simply not a quick thinker, and I'm not eloquent, plus I don't have a great speaking voice. Sometimes, though, the harmony is there between someone else and myself, and then I float, at least for a short time.

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm sure it's a basic biochemical difference, but marijuana does virtually nothing for me except make me sleepy. Alcohol on the other hand used to make my mind flow and twist into new paths. I used it at times to shift myself out of my common day to day viewpoint into a more creative mood. Eventually it lost most of that power too so I'm now stuck with trying to achieve that effect on my own with nothing but imagination.

Snowbrush said...

"interesting analysis, or observation?"

Personal experience. It's not something to wonder about for me, because it's so screamingly obvious that I shouldn't be dealing with intellectual challenges while stoned. I can do things that I do all the time well enough (including running power tools), but in the case of anything new, intricate, detailed, memory intense, or mathematical, I know it will take longer, and I will have more errors to correct, so I just don't use pot when I have to do such things.

"marijuana does virtually nothing for me except make me sleepy."

As I recall, you haven't had pot for a long time, and you haven't had it very often. I very much doubt that sleepiness is all that you are capable of getting from it, and it goes wonderfully with one's morning coffee.

lotta joy said...

As you know, 'trying it once' was my one wish. A child of the 60's who was never around anything stronger than a Marlboro sounds too weird to believe, and I wanted to KNOW. Plus, my pain was such that I would have 'picked shit with the chickens' if it would have helped.

Unfortunately, marijuana affected me as everything else. No help, but a lot of effects I didn't enjoy.

When I realized a cooked noodle, hanging off my fork, had a spirit of its own, life, and 'something to tell me', I figured it wasn't for me.

It might be due to the fact that when 1/8 of the cookie did nothing (within minutes) I tried 1/4....then a nibble....My personality is not one to wait and see. It's a "NOW!" type of thing. And "NOW!" kicked my ass. lol

Myrna R. said...

I might like to try one of your sugar cookies. I think mostly 'cause I love sweets. But,you do make pot sound enticing.

Snowbrush said...

"I might like to try one of your sugar cookies. I think mostly 'cause I love sweets."

They aren't tasty; they're more what you might call a marijuana delivery system than a cookie. There are people who pride themselves on making tasty treats with pot, but my goal is to make the same thing in the same way every time so that I will get as close as possible to same amount of the drug. As long as I don't gag, I don't care how they taste because I only need a bit less than 1/4 of one small cookie. I make the marijuana butter double strength, and I double the amount of butter in the cookies.

"I tried 1/4....then a nibble....My personality is not one to wait and see. It's a "NOW!" type of thing. And "NOW!" kicked my ass."

Been there, done that. Couldn't walk, couldn't crawl, couldn't hold a trashcan to puke into. I wrote about the experience late last summer.

kj said...

Snow, honest to god, I say profound things when under the influence. Once in a blue moon I write them down :-)

I think you are/have crafted and are rebuilding your life . It shows, and I'm glad. Could be pretty interesting :-)

Guru kj

Snowbrush said...

"I think you are/have crafted and are rebuilding your life."

Ha. I've been rebuilding my life since at least 1977, but I'm riding high at the moment on the fact that my pain, though still there, has lessened enough that it no longer keeps me down the way it has for years. I can now do serious work if I pace myself.

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

Snow, you are always interesting and insightful!

Caddie said...

Um, those cookies look good. Got milk?