Posts
I’ve been awfully sick of late. I finally went to the doctor
on Thursday and took the following list of symptoms. The list also included
some things I’m doing to better deal with the pain because I’m absolutely on
the edge of falling apart at times. It’s a little hard for me to share the following because it’s so personal, but I’m not going to let embarrassment about
who I am and how I deal with things inhibit my free expression. For one thing,
I almost never get anything but positive reactions on this blog no matter what
I post, and for another, I know that when people react negatively to what I
share, it tells me more about who they are than who I am. I know that most of you
are more reticent than I, and that’s fine, but if you’re coming
here, you’re obviously open to me being different. I can’t even tell you why
I’m different, and I don’t care enough to think about it because I accept
myself this way, and I know that all of my regular readers
do too. You guys are among my best friends.
As for the doctor, he looked at the list, complimented me on the things I’m doing, and said he was going to run tests on me for everything but pregnancy. I’ve haven’t gotten the results yet because I couldn’t get the tests done until yesterday—Friday. My doctor, Kirk, is but four months younger than my age of 67 (my birthday is in March, and his in July), and I worry about him because he’s looking feeble. I love and respect Kirk to the point that if he ever needed anything, I would be there for him if I could. There are few blessings in life that are better than a good relationship with a doctor, and few curses that are worse than a bad one. I’ve had doctors I adored, and I’ve had doctors I wanted to shoot because when you’re hurting, scared, and vulnerable, and your doctor is uncaring or incompetent, the former constitutes a betrayal that you never forget, and the latter can kill you. But enough. Here’s my list:
As for the doctor, he looked at the list, complimented me on the things I’m doing, and said he was going to run tests on me for everything but pregnancy. I’ve haven’t gotten the results yet because I couldn’t get the tests done until yesterday—Friday. My doctor, Kirk, is but four months younger than my age of 67 (my birthday is in March, and his in July), and I worry about him because he’s looking feeble. I love and respect Kirk to the point that if he ever needed anything, I would be there for him if I could. There are few blessings in life that are better than a good relationship with a doctor, and few curses that are worse than a bad one. I’ve had doctors I adored, and I’ve had doctors I wanted to shoot because when you’re hurting, scared, and vulnerable, and your doctor is uncaring or incompetent, the former constitutes a betrayal that you never forget, and the latter can kill you. But enough. Here’s my list:
Symptoms
Trembling of fingers
Difficulty keeping feet still
Muscular tension that I have no ability to control for more than a few moments at a time
Insomnia
Fatigue
Nausea
Anxiety and despair focused upon my seemingly hopeless and ever-escalating downhill slide coupled with worries about Peggy’s eventual death, our sick cat, earthquakes, crime, the world situation, etc.
Difficulty concentrating
Poor appetite
Feeling too hot one minute and too cold the next
Ten pound weight loss over ten days starting on Monday a week ago
Constipation when I take oxycodone, diarrhea when I don’t
Continuing pain in mid to upper back, both shoulders, and both knees all of which are sufficiently severe to keep me awake and make adequate exercise impossible
Back pain frequently so severe that I often find it hard to think about anything else
Increasing difficulty staying out of bed. Spent most of every day and night in bed last week, but am now able to be up, although I feel fragile and exhausted
Lack the strength to carry on usual activities, have any sort of a social life, or handle life’s common stresses
First time onset of what I assume are pollen allergies, as evidenced by sore throat and scratchy sinuses
Plans
Go to Sacred Heart Sleep Clinic tomorrow for office visit re-evaluation of BiPap settings
Start a 15-hour “Live Well with Chronic Pain” class on Monday
Start a 12-hour “Grief, Loss, and Peace” class on Wednesday
Lose another 10-pounds to hopefully avoid knee replacements
Ask you for a prescription for—and a medical certificate of necessity for a new TENS unit because Empi, the manufacturer of the old one, went out of business, so I can't get pads.
Re-visit my pain specialist on April 26 (his efforts at alleviating back pain have thus far been of little benefit, but he has had some luck with my knees).
Trembling of fingers
Difficulty keeping feet still
Muscular tension that I have no ability to control for more than a few moments at a time
Insomnia
Fatigue
Nausea
Anxiety and despair focused upon my seemingly hopeless and ever-escalating downhill slide coupled with worries about Peggy’s eventual death, our sick cat, earthquakes, crime, the world situation, etc.
Difficulty concentrating
Poor appetite
Feeling too hot one minute and too cold the next
Ten pound weight loss over ten days starting on Monday a week ago
Constipation when I take oxycodone, diarrhea when I don’t
Continuing pain in mid to upper back, both shoulders, and both knees all of which are sufficiently severe to keep me awake and make adequate exercise impossible
Back pain frequently so severe that I often find it hard to think about anything else
Increasing difficulty staying out of bed. Spent most of every day and night in bed last week, but am now able to be up, although I feel fragile and exhausted
Lack the strength to carry on usual activities, have any sort of a social life, or handle life’s common stresses
First time onset of what I assume are pollen allergies, as evidenced by sore throat and scratchy sinuses
Plans
Go to Sacred Heart Sleep Clinic tomorrow for office visit re-evaluation of BiPap settings
Start a 15-hour “Live Well with Chronic Pain” class on Monday
Start a 12-hour “Grief, Loss, and Peace” class on Wednesday
Lose another 10-pounds to hopefully avoid knee replacements
Ask you for a prescription for—and a medical certificate of necessity for a new TENS unit because Empi, the manufacturer of the old one, went out of business, so I can't get pads.
Re-visit my pain specialist on April 26 (his efforts at alleviating back pain have thus far been of little benefit, but he has had some luck with my knees).
71 comments:
It sounds to me like something is stressing you out, at least in part, stop looking at the news and worrying about the world, there is nothing we can do about it. If your own life is in decent order just roll along with that.
"Trembling of fingers" I attribute mine, that started recently, to almost 73 years and a bunch of beer.
The doctors are trying to figure out what is wrong with me, like why was there blood in my stool for four days last week, they keep asking me about pain, I have no pain, been feeling better than I have for some time. I suppose they will figure it out sooner or later. Or I'll die but I'm okay with that also.
Snow, I am so sorry to hear what you are having to deal with, and I do hope things get better for you and that you find some relief.
The nurse in my house, Mrs. RWP, would probably say you have A-G-E disease (age) and also add that old age ain't for sissies. That's about how much sympathy I generally get.
I'm not trying to make light of your situation, but welcome to the club. Although each person who gets old has a different set of details, the scene is all too familiar.
Let me just end with this:
Social life? SOCIAL LIFE???
I hope the doctor is able to provide you with relief from the pain, and maybe that class will give you better clues for dealing with the pain. My own health has been questionable lately and I'm finally on the path to improvement, which in my case means tremendous weight loss.
I have lived well with chronic pain for over 30 years without feeling the need to take a fucking 15 hour class!
I have survived my mother, my father, my sister, my best friend and 2 of my children dying without the need for a fucking class In "grief, loss and peace". It has been my experience that everyone dies if you wait long enough.
You take to many narcotics you can't shit! That is true for all of us. You get diarrhea when you quit because your digestive enzymes are all dead from the dope. It is simple biochemistry not some special torture the Universe came up with just for you.
I just had a birthday in March and turned 65. I went out and had a good meal, a couple of stiff drinks and gambled. Yes, I hurt the whole time but guess what, you either live with your pain or you die with it. It is a choice I make everyday and so do you. I choose to live with mine. I enjoyed myself and had a great time then I went home and paid the price.
I am not going to compare ailments or play a rip snorting game of who hurts worse. I have nerve pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week , 365 days a year and I get up everyday and put on my clothes and find something to do. Today, I painted my carpentry project.I am sore, I hurt, so fucking what! The alternative is to give up and give in. When that happens you might as well fucking die and get it over with.
I am not going to sugar coat this comment. You are 67 years old. A full grown ass man. I am talking to you straight and honest.One crippled up bastard to another. I'll quit your blog if you wish.
I wish you (and Peggy and Brewski) all the love & light you need!
I had a severe iron deficiency. I had an iron infusion last week so I'm off to be re-checked in the next few days.Let's hope it worked because if it didn't a gastroscopy is the next step and I dont want that!
Again, I suggest amitriptilin, for Brewsky, sure worked for one of my cats with chronic inflamed bladder. She was high strung and stressed, but the vet says it can reduce inflammation. It's an old antidepressant.
I wish I knew what might be wrong, with all those symptoms of yours. I don't. But I wish you well and hope for the best.
I appreciate your candor in sharing beliefs, details about your life and health the majority of us would not have the guts to share. This is quite a list of symptoms ~ I am curious as to what tests your doctor ordered. The positive take-away is everything you are undertaking to combat these issues! Sending hugs from the 'other side of the mountain.'
Not a pleasant series of symptoms. I hope you feel better soon. Lana has had the constipation when she has taken oxy, and has found that 'senna tablets,' which we buy over the counter at Wal-greens are a big help with that.
“stop looking at the news and worrying about the world, there is nothing we can do about it.”
I have mixed feelings about going on a “news fast.” It would mean a major change in my life because I listen to NPR for hours everyday, plus I watch at least an hour of the evening news. Would I be more stressed by giving it all up, and leaving the room when Peggys’ watching the news. I don’t know. I guess I’m not seriously thinking about it because I actually like being informed even if I’m helpless to end the misery. For one thing, it does make me feel a little better knowing that I could be almost infinitely worse off than I now am.
“The nurse in my house, Mrs. RWP, would probably say you have A-G-E disease (age) and also add that old age ain't for sissies.”
I hate that “old age isn’t for sissies” bromide because it implies that the aging process is roughly the same for everyone, and it most certainly is not. Besides, old age doesn’t rule out other problematic factors anymore than young age does.
My own health has been questionable lately and I'm finally on the path to improvement, which in my case means tremendous weight loss.
“My own health has been questionable lately and I'm finally on the path to improvement, which in my case means tremendous weight loss.”
How much will weight-loss help? I really don’t know. It will help your joints, for sure, but as for your heart and diabetes (if you have that), I just really don’t know, but it’s something you might want to study up on.
“I'll quit your blog if you wish.”
No, you don’t need to do that! As long as someone is giving their honest thoughts as opposed to simply call me names, I’m okay with it as long as they’re not so intent on me thinking their way that they belabor their point.
“I am talking to you straight and honest.”
I will take the liberty of doing the same. When I read I read what you wrote, the first thing that happened was that my jaw dropped, and the second was that I laughed because it’s such macho bullshit. Sure, you’ve survived for 15-years without a class, but who’s to say you wouldn’t have handled yourself better had you taken one? Your way doesn’t seem particularly good to me given how unhappy and angry you seem. Drinking, taking drugs, and stuffing it is certainly one way to go, but it’s not mine. I don’t mean that I haven’t done my share of drugs and drinking, but they create their own problems, plus the more chemicals you take, the less they help. I can take enough to kill an ordinary person and hardly know I’ve had anything. THAT’S what I would like to get way from by learning other coping techniques. None of us can learn it all on our own, and while you seem unwilling to admit that, I’ve been suffering from one serious problem or another as long or longer than you, and, like you, I wouldn’t have gone to a counselor if you paid me, and I’ve avoided classes too, but I’m at a point where I need to handle things better both for myself and for the woman who has to put up with me, and I’m humble enough to not care what it takes. The funny thing is that this class is taught by a chaplain, so right away, I wrote to her and told her I was an atheist and asked if the class would be suitable for one such as myself, and she responded that her best friend was an atheist, and that the class certainly would be suitable for me. We’ve since written several times, and I’m excited about this class, so you can say what you will, but I’m not you, so it doesn’t matter to me as far as I what I do. You said you were being “straight and honest,” and I believe you were, but it’s a subjective honesty. In other words, it’s YOUR honesty, and it has nothing to do with MY reality. The final thing I would say is that you seem like the Republican Party in that you don’t seem to have any great ideas, but you sure hate what the other side is trying to accomplish. All this said, don’t even imagine that I would want you to leave this blog because I’m nowhere near so weak or petty as that. If you became abusive, I would feel differently, but I take you at your word about simply being honest, and I don’t want people to think they have to support everything I say or do in order to be welcome here, because I welcome and enjoy disagreement, so, take it in that you’re wanted here as long as you will gracefully allow me to the freedom to be different from you because I’m going to be anyway just as I know you're going to be different from me no matter what I say to you.
“I wish you (and Peggy and Brewski) all the love & light you need!”
Well, this is certainly different from the last comment! Thank you, Kylle. You guys are getting ready for winter down there, I guess. I often think about your seasons being the opposite of mine. If I had the money, I would have a house down there to escape the winter up here.
“Again, I suggest amitriptilin, for Brewsky, sure worked for one of my cats with chronic inflamed bladder.”
One vet suggested it, and the other didn’t want to prescribe it, at least not yet. Maybe now he will because Brewsky is leaving blood in the bathtub. He never even got into the tub until lately, and now he’s leaving blood there! Is he just trying to be nice by keeping it off the carpet? I have no idea. Ollie gets into the tub all the time, even when I’m washing my 40 or so plants, he’ll be there in the tub with the water falling on him, so maybe that has inspired Brewsky to get into the tub. Part of the fun of pets is trying to figure what in the hell they’re thinking.
“I am curious as to what tests your doctor ordered.”
I turned the order into the lab when I got the tests, so I can’t even tell you. They were all blood tests, and no other tests have been mentioned, but he did say that these tests were only a starting place. I’m actually feeling pretty good today, so I’m thinking, well, was it all in my head? How can go from hell to almost heaven just like that?
“Lana has had the constipation when she has taken oxy, and has found that 'senna tablets,”
Thank you, Charles. I’ll look into that. I take two decussates a day, and they’re adequate, but, to put it graphically, taking a shit is traumatic, and I stop up the toilet every time before I’m even done. The doc prescribed a drug that is supposed to be good for the bowels when taking narcotics, but insurance wouldn’t pay for it. I even knew a guy who ended up in Urgent Care from narcotic constipation. He had had surgery, and his doctor didn’t even mention that constipation was going to be a problem. I think the doc should have paid for his Urgent Care visit.
It is not my wish to engage you in debate. Whenever I hear someone say my reality as opposed to just "reality" I must comment. There is only one reality. Individual perceptions may interpret it differently but reality is just that.Each person is biased in their interpretation based on background, education and experience.
I lost 2 of my children! I notice you didn't tell me how sorry you were or offer any sympathy. Maybe you should take a class in how to be a compassionate human being while you're at it.
If your blog is just an internet version of a "pity party" why should I come here to hear the incessant whining? We all have problems to contend with. We all have worries. We are all doing the best we can to deal with our lives. Your problems are not unique and not terribly interesting. In fact you bore me with your smug "I'm different and you just have to accept it" nonsense.
Finally, I am not a Republican! That is insulting. I have wasted more brain cells drinking good bourbon than the average Republican is born with and calling someone you don't know a Republican is a snide backhanded insult."Macho bullshit" really? Since when is being a man "macho bullshit?"
I am sorry you can't handle your life better. Truly. Obviously, we are not on the same page so I will go. I will post this comment at my blog.
the rat
“There is only one reality. Individual perceptions may interpret it differently but reality is just that. Each person is biased in their interpretation based on background, education and experience.”
Subjective reality is, I believe, a completely valid concept as is objective reality. For example that plain water freezes at 32-degrees (after such influences as wind and altitude are eliminated) is an objective reality, but there is no objective reality regarding which flavor of ice cream tastes best, so while one flavor is truly true for you, it might well be that another flavor is truly true for me. This is where people get into trouble because when a person confuses his or her subjective reality for objective reality, it necessarily means that he is right and everyone else is wrong, which makes it very hard to be respectful or even tolerant, and this is why people kill one another everyday to enforce their beliefs.
“I lost 2 of my children! I notice you didn't tell me how sorry you were or offer any sympathy.”
I had no idea that you even had children, but now that I know, I’m very sorry to hear of your loss. I’ve lost parents, friends, and pets, but I’ve never had children, and I can’t begin to imagine what a heartache it might be. Please, for whatever they're worth at this belated hour, accept my sincere condolences. When a person is so caught up in his own misery that he truly has no room for compassion, it's indeed a sad state of affairs, but I would be astounded if those who know me think that this is how I am.
“If your blog is just an internet version of a "pity party" why should I come here to hear the incessant whining?”
Maybe you should scroll back a few posts to get a better feel for it. If that is indeed all you perceive it to be, then I can’t think of a reason on earth why you should read it because I don't read such blogs myself. Ideally, I would see the whole person, and no person’s life is nothing but medical issues.
“Finally, I am not a Republican! “
I have no idea what your politics are, and I never meant to suggest that I did.
“Obviously, we are not on the same page so I will go.”
I wrote all of this, and you were already gone? Oh, well. I guess that’s what comes from responding as I read instead of reading everything and then responding.
JUst a personal note..... Don't take the rat serious, his blog is just an internet version of a "pity party" but he can't see that. He is always whining about his aches and pains and problems and he even played the dead kids card on you, as if you should give a damn, thousands of kids die everyday.
If you choose to take a 15-hour class on how to deal with chronic pain then that is your choice! If someone else suffers from chronic pain and doesn't feel the need to attend that type of class then that is their choice. Some people have a chip on their shoulder from all of life's disappointments. I get that. What I don't understand is why someone would basically attack you for choosing to take control over your life and try to make it better.
"Don't take the rat serious..."
Oh but I do. I know he has a hard, hard life, maybe way harder than mine, so I take him seriously, but I also cut him slack, and I'm truly sorry he has gone.
“He is always whining about his aches and pains and problems and he even played the dead kids card on you, as if you should give a damn, thousands of kids die everyday.”
The “dead kid card”? I guess I shouldn’t have felt so special. The thing is that I do care that his kids died, but I just started following his blog when he asked to “please follow my blog,” and told me that he looked forward to our growing friendship, so I had no idea he had ever had kids, and I have no idea why he thought I knew, but now he gets mad and leaves (and he IS gone) without even asking me if I knew. Jesus H. Christ, but was that ever fast. I’ve had people go away mad, but never so quickly, at least that I can remember. I had imagined that since he expressed himself so bluntly that he had better be prepared for me doing the same, but hell no! That’s the thing about macho guys; the only vehicle they have for expressing emotion is anger, rejection, and sometimes violence, because these things make them feel strong, and they’re desperate to feel strong while being completely unaware of how vulnerable they appear to others. And they do. Anytime you meet a guy who is unable to express any emotion but anger, you know he’s sitting on a time bomb and is at risk for all kinds of bad ends, things like suicide and alcoholism. I know what it’s like to get stuck on anger it’s like drinking Drano, and it seems likely to me that men are greater risk than women because fewer forms of expression are societally open to them. For example, women can cry without people going out of their minds, but when a man cries, people stare at the floor in embarrassment.
I see my earlier comment didn't land. Is it stuck in your email or should I send it again?
He gets pissed at anyone that isn't kissing his ass and showing empathy for him, don't worry about it.
" For example, women can cry without people going out of their minds, but when a man cries, people stare at the floor in embarrassment."
Not if he has some nice cleavage to cry into. :-)
“You are an evil old cocksucker and I hope whatever finally ends you hurts real bad and last real long.”
Clearly, you two guys love one another deeply—if not erotically—but are afraid to confess your love, so you call one another names and wish one another a painful death. Actually, Rat, I’m sorry to see you go (I sort of suspected you might not be COMPLETELY gone as of yet, although you did say you were leaving) because you’re a very funny man. After all, not everyone has your humorous flair for telling someone off (ordinary men just say “Go to hell,” and how funny is that?) As for BBC, I found him an acquired taste that was a trifle hard to get used to, but now that I’ve acquired him, I grow more crazy about him by the hour some days, and have come to think of him as the soul of kindness—maybe not so much to you, for sure, but then I don’t think he loves me in quite the same way he loves you.
“I guess some reading comprehension should be added to the classes Snowbrush takes.”
As Sarah Palin would say, “You betcha!” You’re not even the first to suggest it, but how do you know the problem is my reading? I mean it could be my memory, or it could be that you give a fellow so much to think about that his brain keeps getting more and more overloaded until parts of it start sparking and short-out.
Hahahahaha
Love the fat cat/skinny cat duo.
I am sorry that you are so miserable and hope that you get useful help for the many things that seem to be going on. Depression seems to be behind many of your symptoms but the physical pain could be causing that. I am so sorry that you so far have not found much relief.
The gentleman from Laughlin is unstable. Considering his past modus operandi he will eventually return here contrite and say he didn't handle himself very well. I feel sorry for him because I have the same problem of letting my anger get the best of me. In his case it doesn't seem like it takes much for him to lash out. I seriously think anger management classes would do him some good.
Snow, you said "It’s a little hard for me to share the following because it’s so personal, but I’m not going to let embarrassment about who I am and how I deal with things inhibit my free expression". I commend you for thinking that way. I don't have a blog because I am a very private person. To tell you the truth, I would be pissed off if someone left such a mean-spirited comment to something I had written. The writer's attitude came though loud and clear. My impression was that this was indeed a "rip snorting game" and he was baiting you. I'm still wondering just what exactly set him off in the first place.
I don't think you are all that different than me except for the open marriage thing you were once engaged in. To each his own and I pass no moral judgement in that regard.
Hello Snowbrush, I am extremely sorry to read this post. You and Peggy and your pets are my prayers.
Best wishes
"BBC is using your blog to hurt me and you are letting him."
In order for him to be insulted/hurt he would first have to value my opinion. And he certainly doesn't have to read my comments.
“Depression seems to be behind many of your symptoms but the physical pain could be causing that.”
But of course. I don’t if anyone lives with much pain without struggling with depression.
“I would appreciate all the comments of mine and those pertaining to me be removed.”
Although it’s sometimes a stretch for me to figure out which comments to “allow” and which ones to block, I almost never block a comment, because I want people to feel free to express what they think here, and because it so angers me when people block my comments. After all, if I take the time to comment on someone’s blog, and he blocks I, it feels personal, like he’s standing in judgment over me, has declared me lacking, and is therefore rejecting what I have to give. I will say this to you: whatever issues you and BBC have to work out, you can do it somewhere else, because I don’t want my blog to be someone else’s forum. It’s one thing to comment, but another to take all the attention away from a person’s post and put it on your private issues with another reader. I can understand why you were upset by the comment about your children, but I’m not taking down comments that I’ve already allowed, and that you’ve already read. You said you were leaving, so leave, and direct your thoughts elsewhere in the knowledge that if you later want to come back, you’ll be welcome. I just looked back and you did indeed mention your two kids. I didn’t take it in because it was but a part of a list that was included on a comment that was meant to prove how very weak I am compared to how strong you are, and I just thought that, well, fuck that. It’s sure not evident to me that you’re better than I, and just the fact that you felt it necessary to show that you are demonstrates that you’re not. I truly think you need help, but that you’re too proud or mistrustful to get it, and I can understand that, but there comes a point when a person really needs to seek outside help, not only for himself but for those who have to put up with him.
“Snow, you said "It’s a little hard for me to share the following because it’s so personal, but I’m not going to let embarrassment about who I am and how I deal with things inhibit my free expression". I commend you for thinking that way. I don't have a blog because I am a very private person.”
I couldn’t be a private person if I tried. Although I believe that sharing can be an exercise in masochism (in the form of getting off on humiliating oneself before others), I’m also sure that it’s not that way for me because I don’t feel humiliated. I instead feel like I’m strong enough to share without letting other people’s disapproval hurt me terribly much. Sure, I get hurt in the world of blogging, but I get hurt in the world of face-to-face relationships even more, and blogging relationships have the advantage of giving a person a lot more control. Besides, I know I’m not telling people anything that they don’t want to know when I’m blogging because if they weren’t interested, they could leave instantly. In face-to-face friendships, I am more closed because I don’t want people to wonder why I’m telling them something, and feel like they want to get away from me. In other words, I don’t go talking to people to way I express myself here.
“You and Peggy and your pets are my prayers.”
Well, thank you, Joseph.
"In order for him to be insulted/hurt he would first have to value my opinion."
I'm not going to allow any more comments from you or Rat that mentions the other person, not because they're objectionable to me but because they take the attention away from my post and put it on the two of you.
Dare I risk being called breathtakingly stupid for an innocent remark?
Professional unconditional positive support runs a few hundred bucks an hour so you get what you pay for around here.
You seem to lack focus by jumping onto 3 new plans of action at the same time. the old expression; if you have too many priorities, then you don't have any, might apply to you. Pick one and prioritize it.
You don't have children so you've had an easy life compared to those of us that have had 30 years of emotional and financial struggles with our kids. Maybe dealing with all that stuff when we were younger better prepared us for the challenges of getting old.
Shit, you're old (I am too) so sit back and be thankful for the all the good times you've had.
I guess you haven't watched deadwood but what Al Swearengen said about Deadwood applies to all of us:
Deadwood, no one gets out alive.
hello snow,
i long ago blocked BBC from my blog due to his vulgalaries and i don't like the back and forth he participates in here either. FYI.
i feel i can respond to your list from three vantage points:
1. i have had a heck of a year--enough tests and symptoms to run my own hospital. i'm not out of the woods yet, nor is JB, but it's looking like serious illness being ruled out. that leaves me with pretty significant back pain and for other reasons (kidneys) limited medication options. that also leaves me with the reality that i need to lose weight and make use of that gym membership i have and don't use.
2. i'm 68 and only recently am accepting that age related medical issues are going to trail me whether i like it or not. i'm trying to be gracious about it, but it's an adjustment. i'm thinking of my circumstance as being younger in an oldercategory as opposed to being older in a younger category. Sometimes that helps my decisions.
3. i'm so tempted to diagnose your symptoms :^) but i'd guess you've thought of my thoughts already: a neurological evaluation, addressing depression via medication and counseling. i don't know the status of your narcotic intake at this point; that of course can be an impairing factor on its own. and perhaps neuropsychological testing, if only to confirm for you that your concentration and clear-headedness are intact.
i like your plans, snow. It sounds like you want to be active. Does a TENS unit help you?
love
kj
Well, your household sounds like it's in rough shape and I wish you the best. It's good that you're exploring other means of coping with the incessant pain. I bet you've built up a lot of tolerance with drugs and so it's good to add some new weapons to your arsenal.
Snow, when we first got together your biggest problem was how to keep ice packs on your shoulders while sleeping. Since then we're ten years older and everything that happened to our bodies in our youth has memory. A broken knee from when I was 22, now keeps me from walking when it didn't bother me for years. If I were to have the serious operations NOW, that I had in my 30s, I doubt I'd heal at all. Our bodies don't heal, get better, or even let the pain go away when we hit our 60s. We seem to be the final culmination of everything we did, or had happen to us, in our youth. THEN it's all joined by added infirmaries that ALWAYS carry pain. I'm a fully accomplished housebound individual and I ENJOY being able to grunt, groan, and sleep, when I want to. But like you, there's another member in this family who is NOT a hermit. It makes it hard on everyone involved, even Brewsky and Beau. I've never learned anything in a group meeting other than some people won't shut up and give others a chance to speak. I know you've reached the end of your rope when you decided to start reaching out. We're just not the type of people who look to anyone but ourselves, so I know you're in one helluva horror show right now.
“Dare I risk being called breathtakingly stupid for an innocent remark?”
I guess that what you allow yourself to share depends upon the level of your courage and concern (or, perhaps, contempt).
“Deadwood, no one gets out alive.”
Jim Morrison beat him to to the phrase, and no doubt others beat Jim Morrison to it. What the Bible says about there being no new thing under the sun most certainly applies to how our species thinks.
“You don't have children so you've had an easy life compared to those of us”
I didn’t have children because I wanted to play, live a wild life, have crazy experiences, and spend my money on things other than diapers and college. It was a choice, and the more I see of how most people’s children turn out, the better I feel about it. I had a vasectomy just before my 30th birthday, which was the earliest time the doctor would do it, and, this being Mississippi in the 1970s, I had to travel to Jackson to even find a doctor who would do it at all.
“i long ago blocked BBC from my blog due to his vulgalaries and i don't like the back and forth he participates in here either.”
Peggy would agree with you, but, because she doesn’t like it when one person uses my blog to criticize another person—knowing that the other person will probably read it—she objected to me having approved your comment as well. However, she was completely horrified that I allowed the truly mean-spirited back and forth between him and Rat, but I honestly considered it funny. I think there could be gender difference in what you, Peggy, and I consider acceptable. Sure, BCC can go overboard, but he’s still a good man in my estimation, and I hope to go to my grave being his friend. Here’s what I love about him: (1) on my blog he will honor my wishes without complaint (as I later learned, he actually didn’t expect me to approve all of what he wrote in this comment chain, and he even asked me to not approve his very last comment so, of course, I didn’t. (2) Last year, BBC moved from rainy Washington state to dry west Texas, although he didn’t approve of the politics and religiosity, and didn’t, so far as I’m aware, know a soul in the whole state of Texas, plus he left an amazing number of friends behind in Washington. I considered it a gutsy move for someone in his seventies, and the fact he had so many friends to even leave behind (far more friends than I have) inclined me to trust him all the more. (3) While I abhor some of what he posts (big boob photos, for example), it’s a case of putting with the bad in order to receive the good, and I am well able to do it in his case because there is so much good. (4) I believe that BBC cares about me personally. (5) I believe that BBC is a well-meaning person who would help out any deserving soul who came his way. (6) I believe that some of what he wrote regarding Rat represented an attempt on his part to stand up for me, just as I am standing him for him in what I’m writing to you. Please be clear that I’m not standing up for him his because I consider him weak but because I consider it my responsibility to portray him to my readers in a way that I consider rounded and truthful. This means that I would do the same for you. (cont.)
You dismiss all that BCC is because you perceive him as being often offensive, and he is, yet I’ve yet to block my first person. I LOVE having a blog which welcomes all manner of people, the committed Christian and the dismissive scoffer, the prudish and the vulgar, the kindly and (unless they go way overboard) the contemptuous. The back and forth comment chain in this post and my last post are what I want on my blog. What I deplore is the unconditional cheerleading that I find on many blogs, because I consider it as shallow as it is boring. I also hate blogs that inspire nothing but one line comments. I want people to think. I want their love, and I don’t mind their hatred as long as it’s real and it’s thoughtful. All that said, the decision about whether to approve or block a comment is often hard for me because I value both freedom and safety, and if some readers stop commenting because I allow them to be slammed by other readers every time they opened their mouths, I will have failed to make my blog a safe place for the thoughtful discussion that I so value, and in this regard, I believe that I did fail in allowing Rat and BBC to go on for as long as I did. I simply can’t get it right every time, and I apologize to everyone for having failed in this situation, but I’m not going to take down comments that I already approved, because it would create a discontinuity that would leave readers in the dark about what was going on.
“Does a TENS unit help you?”
It helps sometimes more than others, but it does help if I put it on its highest setting and leave it on for at least an hour. The one I have is a far better unit than the one I’ll be getting, but it’s darn hard to even find those things unless you want to pay for them yourself. It took me four phones calls (one of them two hours long) to Medicare to even get the inferior unit that I’ll be getting.
(more later)
Quick health update. Every test came back fine, and I feel better this week than I have in months except for feeling insane that I could have gone into the pit for no known reason (at least none that I can fully accept) only to rebound into the clouds for no known reason (that I can fully accept). I HAD gone from taking 1,500 mgs of Neurontin every night to taking none (I’m forever trying to go off drugs), and Kirk (the doctor) did say that that would seriously mess with a person, so I guess that’s the explanation, although it’s so hard for me to believe that a drug which I had considered relatively innocuous could have led to such a hellacious withdrawal. Anyway, he said to immediately go back on my customary dose of Neurontin, so here I am feeling great, so I guess that was it. The funny thing is that if Peggy hadn’t been in the doctor’s office with me (we nearly always go to the doctor together), I wouldn’t have even thought to have mentioned the Neurontin, but since she had already told me that she considered going off of it a bad idea, she did remember, and she did tell him.
“I bet you've built up a lot of tolerance with drugs and so it's good to add some new weapons to your arsenal.”
Yes to both.
“Snow, when we first got together your biggest problem was how to keep ice packs on your shoulders while sleeping.”
While sleeping in a chair, no less, because just lying down for a minute or two was more than could bear.
“everything that happened to our bodies in our youth has memory.”
Yes, I believe this is true, and I believe it’s why extreme athletes are going to suffer, suffer, suffer for what they’re doing to their bodies.
“there's another member in this family who is NOT a hermit.”
I have two classes and two social events this week, which represents WAY more than what I’ve done in years. I really trying to help myself here, although it’s so hard to make myself get out, and if this wasn’t being a particularly good week, I don’t know I could do it.
Once again, this is a personal comment not to be posted. I'm almost 73 years old and pain free , and can tolerate pain pretty well, the two times I've been operated on I never even took the pain pills they gave me, good genes I guess. Anyway, I admit that it is hard for me to feel sympathy or empathy for those always posting about their ailments because it looks like whining to me. If I was in pain a lot I certainly wouldn't be posting about it on the internut all the time, I would be posting things that took my mind off of it.
BTW, I have no idea who jk is or why he/she would leave the comment he/she left as that blog is not one I've ever looked at, let alone commented on. Besides, you can't block someone from looking at your blog, you can only control comments there by using moderation, as far as I know. I used moderation once for a short time to keep a bitch that has hounded me really hard for years but all in all I don't approve of moderation. Get right down to it the internut is a war zone and anyone that can't handle that should not be Blogging or on Facebook, which is just another form of blog. Haven't been on Facebook for long but Facebook is better than daytime soaps, there's a new drama every five minutes. :-)
'funny man' is a nice way to of putting it. I knew from his first post that this was coming. I really did! Yeah, he will be back - loves to blast off, constantly. What finished me with him is how he's often said how he respects women but puts up videos showing them in a worst light. Frankly, I despise the old goat! He is in need of mental help and seems to have no clue. He attacked you without any provocation that I could see. He blasted off for awhile about Dana, then suddenly he was in love with her again. I don't trust creeps like that -all lovey-dovey then suddenly attacks. Not a funny man, just a sick (mind man)one. I pity his wife
I love reading your posts and so appreciate that you don't use very foul words. You, Snow, are a true gentleman. This will be anonymous for I don't desire being chewed up and spit out like Rat does so well. He's attacked me several times, which is one reason I quit writing about personal things.
Dear Snowy
I've been following this roller-coaster post but not commenting. I am now so very GLAD to hear that your pains have subsided a little and just hope you continue to cope like this.
Drugs can be life-saving one moment and hopelessly debilitating a few weeks later. Gawd only knows how many medications have been swallowed or injected into my old guts and bloodstream. One, a tablet called Attivan, gave me horrific nightmares. Glad I quit this after a few days as, apparently, they soon become highly addictive. There is Prednisolone: this literally helped me recover from a severe asthma attack, injected by my GP. However, long term use is damaging in many ways.
As of the last eight or nine years I've been fed daily dose of rat poison, Warfarin; Digoxin - derived from the foxglove plant, (highly poisonous) and a beta-blocker, Bisoprolol. There's been a few others on a "suck it and see" basis which I've abandoned.
However, all of my medications had nothing to do with PAIN. I am a complete and utter coward regarding pain. Dentists know me well enough to confirm such cowardice.
Chronic pain is probably the hardest thing to treat successfully. And you have experienced far more pain than I dare even think about. You have my deepest sympathy but I have no idea how you've coped thus far.
I wish you with all my heart that you win through, day after day and night after night.
Fondest regards,
Phil and Pat
“BTW, I have no idea who jk is.”
It’s KJ, not jk. She’s a Massachusetts lady and a long-time reader/friend, although we’re not so close as we once were due, I suppose, to her belief that I’m racist and sexist. Like with Joseph, I’ve struggled to prove that I’m not really like she interprets me as being (although I’m definitely racist, I at least try to keep my heart open), but I don’t think I’ve had much success.
“I despise the old goat!”
I don’t like this, especially when it’s anonymous, so this was a comment that I had to ask myself whether there was enough good in it to justify allowing it to appear.
“I love reading your posts and so appreciate that you don't use very foul words.”
I hope you won’t be shocked when I do because I don’t shy away from them, but I do try to use them judiciously. I think the mistake a lot of people make is overusing them and therefore reducing their impact.
“He's attacked me several times, which is one reason I quit writing about personal things.”
I don’t get it. You say you despise him, so what does it matter what he thinks? People say that they admire my vulnerability in sharing things, but I only share them because I’m not terribly vulnerable to how people respond. This is one of the blessings of blogging, by which I mean that I’ve learned that, although I’m occasionally attacked, those who do this are relatively rare, while those who offer their support are numerous; and that being attacked on the Internet allows me to read and re-read what the attacker wrote and to realize that it almost never has anything to do with whom I am. You might have seen “Silence of the Lambs” in which the Anthony Hopkin’s character got under the skin of Jodi Foster’s character by being dead-on right about who she was in her deepest self. I’ve never had an attacker who had a clue who I was, and this has make it easier for me to avoid being hurt. Sometimes, I try to “straighten out” the person about how I really feel, but it’s such an uphill battle that I don’t know that it’s worth it because I’m basically trying to talk someone out of their illusions about me, and people tend to be much more committed to their illusions than to their desire to know the truth.
“One, a tablet called Attivan, gave me horrific nightmares.”
I take Ativan when I run out of oxycodone, and it will most definitely mess a person up. I’ve done on Ativan that I didn’t even remember doing, and I’ve gotten lost on it right here in town. What I learned from this is don’t like a lot of it at once, and don’t mix it with alcohol.
“I am a complete and utter coward regarding pain. Dentists know me well enough to confirm such cowardice.”
I do well with acute pain, but chronic pain is like being worn down with sandpaper. I started my “living well with chronic pain” class on Monday, and right away realized, as I knew I would, that I’m far from being the worst sufferer there. For one thing, I don’t hurt every minute of everyday, at least not all the time. When I do hurt every minute of everyday, it’s very, very hard to want to go on living. Fortunately, my pain, to some extent, comes and goes, meaning that some days, weeks, and even months are a nightmare, but I always get a relative respite from this. The respites seem all too short, but it is so very, very good to be able to take a breather before the pain comes roaring back.
BBC, I wish you would allow me to publish your last comment.
"Ativan among others, is a benzodiazepine medication often used to treat anxiety disorders." That is what I like about the internut, there are all sorts of things to learn about, my choice for anxiety is beer, mostly I just put up with the crap in my head, I have learned how to deal with it without going insane, or many people like listening to music to keep their minds otherwise distracted.
Chronic pain is something I've been lucky enough to avoid so far but I can see where it would wear on a person, pain on your head for even just a day starts driving you nuts.
I don't recall what my last comment was but why don't you just copy/paste the parts that strike you as useful or informative.
“my choice for anxiety is beer”
Alcohol works for pain too, but it doesn’t work as well narcotics, and I wouldn’t want to drink enough of it to help significantly, and then keep drinking all day long in order to maintain the effective level. With narcotics, I can drive, stand atop the roof and clean gutters, run power tools, in short everything I can do anyway. I wouldn’t trust myself to do all of that on liquor and besides, if I did get stopped while driving, and the cop smelled the liquor, he or she would start doing tests. With narcotics, I don’t worry about getting stopped because a person does get acclimated enough to them that he or she is able to carry on normally.
“I don't recall what my last comment was but why don't you just copy/paste the parts that strike you as useful or informative.”
Have you ever tried to copy an unapproved comment? It doesn’t work on my end because it won’t stay highlighted. What you wrote was about people who whine about being in pain. It’s hard not to whine about what monopolizes your thoughts, but you were right in that distraction is one way to control the pain. People wonder how I can write intelligently while in pain, but it’s the writing that allows me to forget the pain, at least for a while. I also don’t write about it all the time because that would bore even me since there’s rarely anything new to say, and because I don’t find pity useful. In fact, I find it degrading. I do have more empathy than most people for those who do frequently post about pain and who lash at others because of it, since I too often handle myself very badly when I’m hurting. I isolate; I make life miserable for Peggy; my life becomes controlled by fear and hopelessness; I lose the ability to handle ANY additional stress. I don’t believe there’s a person on earth who is above being driven out of their minds by pain, and I don’t care how tough they are or how good their coping tools are; they’re going to be able to handle anything that comes down the pike.
P.S. I left out the word "not" in that last sentence.
I've known a few people that got tired of living with pain, or other things, and checked themselves out. Not in my to judge them for that, I know life becomes pretty difficult for some people and I certainly retain the option of doing such if it comes to that. Heck, all my best adventures and experiences are behind me and I don't want to be a burden to others when I start going to hell. I certainly do want to die with grace and dignity, like Helen did.
Sorry to hear about your problems. But at least you haven't lost your sense of humor -- or your will to fight -- so good for you. Keep on truckin'!
Very sorry to hear that you've been so sick. I'm sure they are but make sure they check your vitamin levels for sure. Some of your symptoms could be from lack of B12 and/or magnesium. I've had to start using a B12 patch. It's probably not that simple but doesn't hurt to check.
As for you cat. Desert harvest makes freeze dried aloe which I take for my own bladder and they have a cat version. It helps calm the bladder. Check it out at desertharvest.com having bladder issues is miserable, I know first hand. Bosco has had some issues with crystals. I've had him on the aloe and he's on a grain free wetfood only diet now. He's doing better.
I just read your last post and this one. Laughed about a worm in god's image. I may have to use that somehow, since I love animals so much - including bugs.
Am sorry to hear about your health and your family's. Hope you all feel better soon. I admire how you plan to attend classes and do things that may prove helpful. Thank you for sharing your health struggles. I know how personal they are, but I can't help but think that when you share these things they help us somehow. I hope it helps you too, to write about them.
“Desert harvest makes freeze dried aloe which I take for my own bladder and they have a cat version.”
Thanks for the recommendations. I did an update on myself a few comments back. As for Brewsky, the vet first put him on Science Diet urinary/metabolic, and when his ph level was still high (7.3), the vet put him on another Science Diet food that he said would run his ph down to 5.0 within two weeks at which time we were to take him off the new food because it would drop his ph too low. The vet also suggested that we check his ph at home so we can put him back on the second food when necessary. Right now, he seems to be doing really well. Our goal, of course, is to keep him out of surgery.
“Laughed about a worm in god's image.”
Because Christians, Moslems, and Jews believe that their species alone is made in the image of God Almighty, the majority of them feel justified in disregarding the rights and welfare of other species. As Joseph (a Christian) wrote in response to my last post.
“Snow, you are very confused. I don't call myself a worm nor do I think like a worm. A person who thinks like a worm will praise the worm. I belong to a superior class. I don't belong to rats, worms, cockroaches, wasps etc. I consider myself as the most superior class among all creatures. All other creatures are subservient to me.”
His last sentence is straight out of Genesis, the part where God commands humankind to subdue the earth and tells us that all of the other creatures were made for us and are under our dominion. I’ve yet to hear of a single church that ever did anything good for a non-human animal simply because their religion doesn’t care about non-human animals. Jesus rode a donkey once, and he commanded demons to leave a man, at which time they possessed a herd of pigs and drove them insane, causing them to jump off a cliff. This founder of Christianity never did anything good for a non-human, and he never commanded his followers to do anything good for a non-human because non-humans had no rights as far as he was concerned. As for Joseph’s belief that non-humans are subservient to him, mosquitos, bacteria, and cockroaches don’t appear to have gotten the message, and the only sense in which wolves and tigers are subservient to us is that we have guns with which to kill them, so if our ability to kill a creature means that that creature is subservient, then I guess wolves and tigers are subservient, but it’s hardly a subservience of will or spirit.
BBC, you used to visit my blog and others in the early community of blogging and enough was enough. Snow has backed your integrity and that counts for a lot, but at least back then your comments were lewd
“BBC…back then your comments were lewd”
He can be that way, and he has been that way on this blog, but I don’t like it because it makes women, at least, feel unsafe, so I won’t allow it. I think BBC has issues, but then I too have issues, so it just comes down to whose issues I’m willing to put up with, or at least give a person my friendship in spite of. Due to pills and age, I’m, for the first time in my life, blissfully free of a desire for sex, so to see a fellow who is older than I post photos of big breasts is a puzzler to me. Some people just never give up that interest, I suppose, but there was no point in my life when I would have posted such photos, so I truly don’t get it. I’m glad that I’ve never had to block anyone, and I can even say that there are only two people who got mad and went away who I wouldn’t want to come back, and Rat is one of them because he lays responsibility for his feelings onto everyone but himself. He wrote a post about me—though not by name—and it was interesting to see people take his side without knowing anything but what he told them. So it is with blogging—we rarely get to hear the other person’s side.
I've been on a strange journey, and sexually frustrated for twenty years, lets just let it go at that.
Woah, I'm shocked by the viciousness of some of these comments! Geez, I mean, here you are, suffering pretty badly from the sounds of it, and planning to do the logical thing, which is to take care of yourself in various ways, and people are attacking you for it? I don't get it. The only theory I have is that they're jealous that they didn't get any help or encouragement when they were struggling, so they think that no one should have any. It's not a competition; no one gets a medal for having the hardest life. We all have our struggles and we should all be as kind to each other as possible. It's that simple.
It's also bizarre for one commenter to claim that you can't possibly have had any real hardship in your life because you haven't had children. As if a) having kids is such a horrible experience that nothing else can come close the the trauma of it and b) being childless/childfree (as you prefer) is always a carefree walk in the park that people choose because they are selfish, in every case.
I dunno. None of that makes any sense to me. Here is my reaction: I am sorry that you are going through so much physical pain and suffering. I am very glad to know that you have plans to improve your health, if possible, and I wish you all the best with those efforts. Also I wish all the best for Peggy and Brewsky. I have been anemic, so I can relate to how fatiguing it is. I hope that all y'all can find some relief soon. Especially non-traumatic pooping!
(((hugs)))
"I know that when people react negatively to what I share, it tells me more about who they are than who I am".
So true!
You seem to take responsibility for your feelings. I admire that. One of the reasons I enjoy your blog is because you can debate without flying off the handle.
“i don't know the status of your narcotic intake at this point; that of course can be an impairing factor on its own”
I get thirty mgs of oxycodone a day, and if it’s impairing, I can’t tell it. Ativan scares me way more than narcotics because it can make me do things I would never ordinarily do, and that I don’t even remember doing.
“I've been on a strange journey, and sexually frustrated for twenty years”
I just know that sex is never JUST about the end result of sex (orgasm), or masturbation would be adequate. A funny story comes to mind. A man who lived near me had a load of dirt dumped in his yard, and starting populating his “mountain” with plastic people, plastic animals, bridges, plastic trees, and all manner of tiny pieces of junk. While he and I were talking one day, he told me that he was doing all this to attract a woman. His belief was that when the “right” woman came along, she would see his mountain, tell herself that the man who could do such a thing was the man for her, approach him as such, and he and she would be together for the rest of their lives. I thought of him as like a bower bird, but to an extent, all we men are, we heterosexual men, anyway (I don’t know enough about gay relationships to speak about them), and I’m very happy to be done with that. From my earliest memory until the last few years, I was enslaved, and now I simply don’t care. I’m ecstatic to be free. Ironically, the older I get, the more interest that women who are anywhere near my age have in me. This is a reversal of how I’ve spent my life, and it feels a bit like payback to see them looking at me with interest when I have no interest in them.
“here you are, suffering pretty badly from the sounds of it, and planning to do the logical thing, which is to take care of yourself in various ways, and people are attacking you for it? I don't get it.”
You have to consider the source. E. Rosewater never has a good word to say about anything I think or do (he would say the same about me) because he interprets my disagreement with him as an attack, and Mojave Rat takes the macho position that for a man to seek help implies weakness, even if that help only comes from taking a class or reading a book. In his view real men go it alone (except for pills and whiskey, of course), and the fact that going it alone has made his own sanity questionable and puts millions of men a year into early graves somehow escapes him. Mojave Rat became so upset by the comments in response to his own that he left my blog and implied that I’m not welcome to visit his blog either. Rosewater is still here, and will be welcome here as long as he wants to come, which is how I felt about Rat. I’m actually attracted to people who attack me, at least until such point as I give up on them as being determined to hate me out of bigotry. If they hate me because they find me disagreeable, that’s one thing, and I’m able to maintain hope in spite of it, but if they hate me because they’re mentally ill or are bigoted against the category I’m in (which is atheist, in the case of Joseph, the man who inspired my last blogpost), there’s absolutely nothing I can do that will enable them to see my heart because bigots desperately need to hold onto their hatred. The interesting thing about bigots is that they never, ever admit their bigotry, but are instead convinced that they’re realists, and will therefore defend their “realism” to the death. This is why Rosewater felt horrendously insulted when I pointed out that his categorization of me as “old and set in my ways” was inspired by bigotry against the aged. On the one hand, I hate political correctness, but on the other, I’m smart enough to know that there is a wide gulf between an innocuous remark and bald-faced bigotry, but to point that out to a bigot is interpreted as an attack. People who make a point “being honest” are rarely able to hear other people’s honesty. (cont.)
“It's also bizarre for one commenter to claim that you can't possibly have had any real hardship in your life because you haven't had children.”
That was Rosewater (I love his name). It certainly wasn’t much of a recommendation for child-rearing, and, given that that’s how he views his children, I can but wonder how his children view him. The fact that the comment was made by a man who knows very little about my life and the challenges I’ve faced qualified it, in my mind, as coming from a desire to be hurtful rather than from a desire to be helpful, yet I didn’t interpret it as bigotry as I did his combining “old” and “set in my ways” in response to a previous post. When a comment screams mean-spiritedness and has nothing to do with whom I am, I find it easy to dismiss it if not to laugh at it.
“Especially non-traumatic pooping!”
Ha! Surely you don’t mean to imply that not everyone gets PTSD from sitting on the pot.
“One of the reasons I enjoy your blog is because you can debate without flying off the handle.”
I very much appreciate that, because I do struggle about how to respond when I know that my response is indirect and is likely to make someone who is mad at me even madder. I’ve surely spent well over an hour just on this and my last comment because I so want to “get it right,” yet I know that some of what I wrote will be considered inflammatory.
He picked that up from The Rosewater Foundation.
“He picked that up from The Rosewater Foundation.”
What?! If his purpose in life is to provide the world with “encouragement, wisdom, and inspiration,” I must be too much of strain on his system for him to keep it up in his relationship with me.
You know, BBC, one of the things I like about you is that you actually read all of these comments, offer your views about them, and try to fill me in on those things that I would value knowing but am ignorant of. I hope you won't be put-off if I say that I love you, but when I think of you, my heart is so warmed by all that give me that love is the word that best fits my regard for you.
You will probably disagree with me, Snow, but I don't think that Joseph hates you. I think English is probably not his first language, so he comes across as very frank and very blunt instead of nuanced. Plus his culture, that of South India, is not at all like American culture. Perhaps it is unfair of us to take him too literally. In a way, the two of you are very much alike - don't take that wrong! - you are both very strong-willed individuals. I myself am a complete wuss and that's what keeps me on the approved list in spite of my beliefs, lol....
“You will probably disagree with me, Snow, but I don't think that Joseph hates you.”
I don’t think he hates me personally but rather that he hates my category, which is that of atheist. To him all atheists are alike just as all widgets are alike, so it would be absurd for me to take his approbation personally. As I see it, Joseph refuses to even attempt to understand my point of view due to the fact that he’s either grievously lacking in empathy (which suggests that he might be autistic) or to the fact that he’s too threatened by my views to allow himself to openly examine them. I would guess that the latter explanation is more likely to be true.
“I think English is probably not his first language…”
Probably not, yet he speaks it better than nearly all Americans. This suggests to me that he’s fairly intelligent, which means his bigotry is probably based upon fear.
“I myself am a complete wuss and that's what keeps me on the approved list in spite of my beliefs”
How can I make this more clear? I welcome disagreement, but I don’t welcome ad hominem attacks because they’re boring and they don’t represent a valid argument. To say to me, as Joseph has done that I’m an atheist because I’m arrogant, is utterly unrelated to how I see myself, and it in no way refutes my point of view, yet, like a broken record, he rehashes this same statement again and again and again.
I’m through with Joseph because he never offers anything of interest; rather he simply insults me with the same old putdowns. I had thought that someone so seemingly intelligent could do better, but listening to Joseph is like watching the same inane TV commercial fifty times a day. I can neither connect with him at human level or at an intellectual level, so this doesn’t leave much.
I DO enjoy your posts Snow, never boring.
Good luck with it all,
Love and hugs to one and all sweetie. I'll mail you when I'm back from the big house later on. X <3 Michelle x
"I laughed because it’s such macho bullshit. Sure, you’ve survived for 15-years without a class, but who’s to say you wouldn’t have handled yourself better had you taken one? Your way doesn’t seem particularly good to me given how unhappy and angry you seem. " - I've been reading back through your comments and...there are some people who are more likely to call you a wuss and self pitying than actually be supportive in any form. This is because they have their own problems, most likely mental health ones and swing from being lovely and excitable and a happy friend! To attacking and being plain rude. How you deal with them is up to you but there is form here. You're an amazing man Snow and the least self-pitying I've met to be honest. Honest being just what you are. Right, now I must go. X
I'm with Renae, and I shall say this and no more on the subject - I would not take down comments of such hateful nature for one simple reason - I've seen this play out on many blogs and the perpetrator always either asks for their nasty comments to be taken down, or deletes them from their own blog in order to leave no evidence of their nasty words. This fools other poor sods into feeling sorry for them whilst they besmirch the name of other, good, kind bloggers. I'd leave their words right there for history to take note of. I know there are people who remain friends with such sorts because they are afraid to have them as enemies, badmouthing and calling them heaven knows what all over blogger. I know you probably don't care what is said abut you so long as those who love you know the truth, and I'm the same, but I won't feed them or enable them. They make a mess? They don't get me to clean it up for them. I must admit if the commenter were to remain a visitor here and post such bile on a regular basis much like BBC I'd say just what I thought of it all because I can't read such crap written about a dear and beloved friend and leave it at that. It would also put me off wanting to read any of the comment section at all. I'm glad you felt better some during the week and hope that's still the same. Love to both of you X
“I DO enjoy your posts Snow, never boring.”
Thank you.
“I must admit if the commenter were to remain a visitor here and post such bile on a regular basis much like BBC I'd say just what I thought of it all because I can't read such crap written about a dear and beloved friend and leave it at that. It would also put me off wanting to read any of the comment section at all.”
Losing rational commenters is a concern because there’s no upside to dropping in on a friend’s blog only to find yourself caught up in war. I do have limits to what I’ll allow, and you’re right in that I don’t care what my trashers write because I have no respect for the people writing it, and this means their bullets roll off my armor and end up trodden into the mud. People often say that they respect my willingness to be vulnerable, but I don’ share things because I’m vulnerable but because I’m strong. Think about it, though, except for Rat and Rosewater, I got nothing but support and appreciation from this post, so what matter two hateful people compared to that? They’re simply like ants at a picnic of an otherwise idyllic day. Never fear, I rarely encounter such idiocy and my patience for it is limited, so my comment section isn’t going to turn into a steady diet of neurotic drama.
“there are some people who are more likely to call you a wuss and self pitying than actually be supportive in any form. This is because they have their own problems, most likely mental health ones and swing from being lovely and excitable and a happy friend!”
It’s more drama than I’m up for because I prefer people who are stable, sane, loyal, predictable, consistent, mature, intelligent, compassionate, open-minded, and possess depth. Being eccentric and off-the-wall is one thing, but being flaky and saying mean things only to turn around and play the victim when I respond bluntly doesn’t work for me. I need for people to take responsibility for what they say rather than attacking me when I call them on it.
You said: "wrote a post about me—though not by name—and it was interesting to see people take his side without knowing anything but what he told them. So it is with blogging—we rarely get to hear the other person’s side."
This is unfortunate and surely, often deceptive words are 'said'. It is nice to be agreed with; we both understand this but shallowness, fakeness OR caustic remarks can turn one off blogging. It can also turn the stomach reading a comments list of nothing but "YAYs", a 'cheerleader chant'. I will read blogs,maybe not; yet again "what a waste of my short time left to live".
"I don’t like this, especially when it’s anonymous". Signing Anonymous shouldn't be a valid reason to dislike what I wrote. I am a longtime reader, often making comments(quite short-sorry)and even using email with you and always revealed my name. This time is a different situation for I fully know how the 'R' works; he will go to 'the ends of the earth', if necessary, to get revenge for a negative remark made about him. So! Enough of this slimey subject. Let's put our minds back to pleasant matters i.e. another good post from you.
Hopefully, you and Peggy and the cats are each having a good day today. A good day makes for a good reason for living, I feel. Hope keeps me going.
I am disappointed to see the post about atheism/God taken down. Could you eliminate your friend's name and her remarks and just post what you wrote?
Kris
Crumbs you get some very "interesting posts" Snow. Took ages to get through them. Certainly must take your mind off your pain & worries.
Glad your tests were OK your symptoms sounded horrendous. Hope Peggy & Brewsky get better soon. Take care.
would it be an option to medicate ollie and take brewsky off the valium?
Have you ever considered that Peggy , the cats and you are totally being taken down by parasites that moved into your bodies years ago and now have a strong hold? Modern medecine has done away with the idea but our parents did regular cleasing wirh castorl oil and such because the pharma groups was still in infancy and didn't control health as they do now. Iron deficiency is one key clue as they rob the body of all things goid.
I jusy wish younall well. We struggle too.
Oh Snow...sorry about all the pains! My own sinus infection hit with a vengeance this week...fever so high Miss Macy Blue slept with me!
Re: tens..I found one on Amazon I love...really helps my shoulders!
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